Category: Miracle Moments (Page 1 of 10)

Moments of inspiration and understanding from a place I cannot describe or understand.

From the Mouth of Babes

April 30, 2015 / Tom

Someone I knew just died. He died a horrific death, one that I would not have wished on anyone. I can only hope that his fear was comforted, his suffering brief, and his ending swift. I can also only hope that his family is able to find comfort in the lives they shared, and joy in the moments they remember.

I do not want condolences for me. I didn’t like the guy, issues stemming from high school bullshit that it seems I haven’t gotten over. Yet, as I read the story of his death, and saw the pictures of his loving family, the memory of anger began to be replaced by the experience of love. His young son will cry tears of great sorrow, tears that will effect him his entire life to come. His beautiful and devoted wife will miss her husband, her partner, and she will find an empty space beside her for some time to come as fate has dealt an ugly hand.

I don’t know his family, and I didn’t know the man, now.

He seemed to be an accomplished man in societal terms, having built a business doing what he seemed to love. There were mentions of his athletic prowess, his volunteering in working with kids develop their own athletic prowess. It appears his son has the same skills, and the same passions.

One can only hope that light is not dimmed, and that what inspired this young man continues. Yet, we know that loss can be a harsh teacher. A boy without his father is not the same boy at all.

The man seemed to have been a church-going man, and was described as a man comfortable in knowing his soul was prepared for whatever end that was coming. I think our souls are always prepared, it’s our minds, disconnected from the awareness of divine confidence, that aren’t. It seemed he had found some connection there, a connection I am sure served him well when the time came.

The reason I am sharing all of this is because the experience has offered me a vast realization. Regardless of how present we may normally be, or how enlightened we may feel, or how peaceful we may see ourselves as, there is always something to remind us of our humanity. There is always something that reminds us of this dream we call life, and our power within it.

I sat with my decades-old anger. I replayed scenes over and over again as the child in me raged with the wounds newly exposed. I could feel the salt rise, the passion replace the compassion, the fantasy overtook my reality.

I didn’t’ try to stop it. No, resistance is not only futile, but gives the beast great power. Instead, I allowed that river to flow, staying out of its way while compassionately observing it. I sat, firm, in the resolution that I needed this experience, and I would honor it for what it was going to teach me.

And teach me it did. Anger is now gratitude, chaos is now peace, and the rage of then has now been replaced by the love of Now.

I don’t seek accolades for this. Instead, I just wanted to show the great power of loving Awareness. We can heal ourselves, but first we must love ourselves without questions. We must stop vilifying ourselves for our thoughts, our reactions, our humanness. We have to embrace who we are, lovingly observe who we are, and sometimes do nothing but allow the natural change that comes. A change that will come quite naturally if we just stop hating ourselves and trying to restrain who we are.

I don’t hate the child in me, so I let him have his turn. I marvel quite joyously and his anger, and give him due. He deserves his moments, for he’s lived enough to have them. I realize, though, that his influence on the Man I Am cannot be long. I hear his voice, and I feel his reactions, but ultimately the Man I Am decides what the present moment will bring. So, I figuratively love the boy I was as the Man I Am, and from that springs all things.

So, in this morning’s meditation I was able to hold the man I once knew in high regard, and forgive the boy he was. I realize neither of us truly exist anymore, so holding onto such a low standard is my fault, not his. I suffer at my own hand, no one else’s.

He who does not know himself cannot truly know others. In this moment I can hold the man’s family in such loving compassion and do whatever I’m called to do to comfort. I can freely move within a world not always friendly, but always loving in wisdom. I can love openly having loved despite myself.

Peace.

God I love this place!

December 13, 2013 / Tom

I walk.

I marvel at how the once soft, fluffy sands have become hard and unforgiving in the winter’s chill. I’m alone with my thoughts save the sounds of the surf crashing behind me; the sea hidden behind a shroud of darkness that allows me to focus on that music and the Universe exposed around me. I sit in the chill, gazing up at Gemini hoping to see the faint streaks of light created by the end of things likely born long before man was a dream. I give thanks in each passing blur as I am reminded of my own mortality, my own beginning, and my own end. I am reminded of the distance between the two, and I am grateful for this step in the journey of remembrance.

Through the shivers and the wet feeling of coldness upon my skin, I realize I love this place. I love the drawings I see as my mind connects the dots on Heaven’s canvas. I love the bright gaze of Jupiter staring down at me as I stare up at her. I love the orange flicker of Betelgeuse lighting my way toward the Hunter I’ve loved so much since my youth. I remember gazing up at his belt, staring at its perfect alignment and marveling at how the dots seemed so close together, yet were so far apart. I remember realizing then that what we see from where we stand can make all of the difference in how we think.

God I love this place.

I walk.

I walk through the paths others have cut through forests created long before I was born. I embrace the stiff silence that allows the wind to make music through the brittle, dead leaves on their Mother trees. I notice how both seem to hold on to what was, neither truly wanting to admit that the time of their union has passed. It’s a certainty that the winter wind will separate those who cannot seem to let go on their own, and that the tree will sleep and the leaf will fall, lightly, to return the gift it has been given.

I cross a stream. Little tufts of earth peek through slowly moving surface of crystal clear water, reflecting Heaven’s gaze. I notice how everything reflected seems the opposite of what I see, and I wonder which is the truth. Am I seeing things as they are, or am I seeing things through a reflection in my mind that is the opposite of how they are? Whichever, I continue walking, realizing that time and space can change everything, including the distance between giant stars that likely pay no attention to each other.

I allow the cold winter winds of my life to separate me from my leaves. I let go and say goodbye as they drift away toward their destiny. I know those things I think, those things I see, are mere reflections that exist only in my mind. I am a man, after all, and can enjoy a view through both tainted eyes and the crystal clear waters of Love that exist in the calm stillness I dive into. Both exist for a reason, and a purpose to which both can be known.

God I love this place.

Here I sit. I’ve done nothing on my to-do list, yet I’ve given birth to an entire universe. To whatever blesses me with these words, I am grateful. To whatever inspires me to see beyond my flesh and bones, I am grateful. To the power that takes the ingredients of a man and makes them so very special, I am grateful. To my eyes that see and my heart that feels, I am grateful. Though I am no longer who I was, I am grateful for who I am. To the music I dance to and the voices I hear whispering lightly in my ear, I am grateful. To the scars and the wounds as well as the dream I had that gave them life, I am grateful. To the love and kindness offered that has held me steady, I am grateful. I am grateful for it all.

So I sit, in peace and in stillness as the Sun shines gently through the window, its glow changing colors through my closed eyelids. I inhale its warmth that contrasts nicely through the chilled morning air, realizing both in the same moment. I realize the stretch of time that has brought me here, the limitless experiences and infinite possibilities of what “now” has to offer. The raised bumps on my skin tell a truth, a truth that says, “Yes, you are on your way.”

God how I love this place.

A Meditation from Tonight’s Class

March 15, 2012 / tomgrasso

This is a synopsis of my reaction to a guided meditation tonight during a Foundations class.

Present Me is standing on one side of a bridge, shrouded in the fog of ideas and looking at Future Me standing on the other side. Future Me is unshrouded, smiling contently while residing in unabiding clarity. Naked, standing as straight as a tree, Future Me beckoned Present Me forward across the bridge, and I began to walk through the mist to join him.

I noticed the colors and beauty all around me become brighter and clearer as we merged, the harmonious sounds of all around offering me a rhythmic beat from which to dance.

Dance I did.

As I walked back across the bridge, I noticed the milestones left along the way and began to collect them on my way back to the Present. Those closest to my Present were the heaviest, while those closest to my future were the lightest and less burdensome. I realized how much I need to release in this Present, and how light the load will be when I can finally stand naked across the bridge dancing to sounds unencumbered by the past.

I feel harmony, Love, contentment and joy in the future. Each burden I drop gets me there, each idea I lose attachment to lifts the fog, and as I stand naked and raw to the world I will simply Be.

Ode to the Lover

March 15, 2012 / tomgrasso

I walked silently through the mist into your arms. You loved me, you cherished me, you gave me sight and showed me unending gratitude. You held me up, you showed me a way, and as you gently kissed my lips I knew I was Home.

So begins my inspiration. Imagine a love so strong yet so tender as to be a rock and a sheet of silk at the same time. Imagine the acceptance, the trust, the loyalty all combined with the frailty and the humanity of the Creator. That is the Love I feel in my heart at this very moment, the love that is inspiring me beyond these mere words.

It’s not friendship, although we call it that. It’s not sex, although we call it that too. It’s not even love, although we often entangle the egoic meaning of that word with it. It is Love, God, Being, Self…words hardly capable of accurately describing but surely necessary to communicate the feeling and sheer emotion of the moment Love hits you where the ego once stood.

It is that moment that you cast away old demons even if they do return from time to time. It is that moment that you don’t seek the self but offer the Self. It is that moment when you turn from the “lower” versions of you to the higher version of You. It is that moment when you, to borrow a Dyer euphemism, “let go and let God.” It is a moment of shear beauty when the stories you have told and live by cease to exist. It is a moment so clear in your state of being as to need absolutely no interpretation. It is Heaven, Nirvana, Enlightenment.

You are Home.

Life will interrupt these moments of shear Pleasure. It has to, as the purpose of life is to experience. Your experience would be quite absent without the Yin to Yang. The river of your life could not flow to the Great Ocean without the journey, and the Ocean itself would dry up in the midst of a drought of such experience. A Voice commands me, “Go with it my friend, hold onto the pain and the Pleasure alike. Take the loneliness with the camaraderie, take the droughts with the inundation of rain, take the earth quaking beneath your feet along with the solid ground. Absorb it all, and let each show you the way.” I follow the command.

Entangled in sweat, the heated exchange of a million moments resolved in the essence of this one you have taken me. The screams of your pleasure provide me my own my Love, the moment of climax not the end but merely another beginning. You own me and I you without claim, you are my queen and I your king; my goddess and I your god.

We discover a new chapter, and begin to write a book the world will surely read albeit in a language most will not understand. Gone are the judgments that bind us; replaced with the foundation of Spirit entangled in our human purpose. At points you will be White to my Black, and others the opposite, but we will surely meet in the middle where the purest form of Love resides. Gone will be the bars that housed us replaced by the sweet bondage of something pure, warm and selfless. Each touch will bring a chill; each moment a memory to be replaced by another.

I draw a line with my finger down the small of your back. Your skin responds, your embrace invites me to provide you more. No words are exchanged as none are needed. Heaven itself is in our midst, and we enjoy the sweet nectar of something beyond the physical. You invite me in and I accept. Such is the realm of this Divine royalty.

To be so lost is to be so found. To be near the end is to find such a sweet and new beginning. To rid yourself of the tattered and rotting clothes you once clung to is to stand naked before the Universe. I love this nakedness. I love the tear stained rags I have left discarded on the sand. I love the sting of the Ocean as it cleanses my wounds. I love the chill of the wind as it wipes me of my false manhood. “Embrace it all and know it well, for it is the only way to heal,” offers a Voice from beyond. I will never know the Truth if I hold on to the lie; I will never know reality if I refuse to wake from the dream.

I love mySelf so that I may love You. I see the Divine in mySelf lest I ignore the Divine in You. I am joyful in your joy, pleasured by your ecstasy, emboldened by your bravery. You are more than the Moon, more than the Sun, more than the Angels themselves. I honor you by honoring me, and I love you with each breath of my soul. I bleed drops of blood made red by your Being. The arms I extend are not empty, and they are strong in the resolve to give all I have to give in them.

Peace to you, my Love. I hold you now in my heart, know you in my dreams and sing for you in my Soul. I humbly reside in my Aloneness and cast away all that I was for all that I am.

Smile, Simply Smile.

March 11, 2012 / tomgrasso

Imagine the sun did not rise. The darkness of night remained and chill of the evening air defined the utter darkness. Which part of you would be the one that noticed?

We are all stuck in the bleakness of our mind,

Replaying the fantasy of a dream created long ago,

Resistant to the change that reality has forced upon us,

Wondering what we should do when the Earth begins to tremble…

Do we cater to the illusion or embrace the truth?

Do we hold tightly to that which used to make us who we were,

Or do we let go and find the truth that makes us who we are?

Ah, the painful decision is one we often run away from.

If we love something, do we let it go for its sake?

Or do we let it go for our own, since we don’t own it be begin with?

Do we grasp at it like children grasping for a dandelion seed

Finally freed from its parental grasp?

I do not ask to be anonymous, I ask to be special. I want you to want me, to hold me, to need me and to love me. I want you to lust for me, desire me, crave me and no other.

Like a caged bird I longed for your reaction.

Trained to be a parody of my Self as I react to your every whim.

I want to be wrapped up in you, so much so that I lost who I am,

“You are lost,” said the Sea to the Fish.

“I am drowning,” I replied.

I needed the water so much I forgot how to swim.

I so worried about the inhalation that I forgot how to breathe.

So the Fish drowned in the Sea without even realizing it.

I have lived without ever knowing it. I have been dreaming but now feel awake. What I thought was light was nothing but darkness disguised by my own desire; my own beliefs of what I thought was “me.”

The little boy huddled in the corner of the room longed for this day.

He suffered, and in some ways died, for this moment of Resurrection.

He could hear his own screams in the night and feel the tears stream down his face,

In most ways he was more awake than the man he gave way to.

The man insulted this boy’s suffering, pissed on his endurance and shackled his spirit.

The boy had endured so much for the man, and the man threw away the lessons and trampled on his memory.

He walked about blindly did the man, while the boy screamed “who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I am you my son,” even as the boy replied “you are nothing like me.”

I have climbed the tree, and I have set myself. I am ready to change and to fly. I am seeking Love rather than the self that once defined me.

I could feel the cocoon restraining me.

I would cry out in the night and beg for an end to the pain.

I would curse the fucker who beat me, so punish the menace who threatened me, and seek out the Executioner dressed as someone who loved me.

Fuck them all before they fuck me.

The cocoon would not give way, the Universe demanded more of me than I ever thought I could give,

Now I see Her, the Future, the Unknown,

And I try to reach out my hand to her in unbridled loving passion

Only to be restrained in the prison of my mind.

“You are not ready yet, you still seek to live on bread alone” came the answer.

“When you know the Truth you shall be free, and She will be waiting for you.”

I close my eyes and bow my head, and seek the silence that calms my weary mind.

And find the patience that will see me through the darkness.

Alas, my son, a Butterfly will appear. You will spread your wings and fly and know yourself as if for the very first time. You will never seek, but you will find. You will not want, but will have more than you could have ever imagined. You will spread a smile by your appearance and give joy just by being who you are. It will come, you just need to be patient.

Suffering has brought you to a place where survival was not assured.

Love will bring you from it to a place where survival is all but guaranteed.

Be still, and know that it is coming!

Be silent, and have all that you will ever need.

For soon you shall be who you were always,

Before the ideas of the mind crept in. Then She will come,

And you will know Her, and know that you are there.

The embrace you feel will be unlike any other, the kiss you share will light up the world.

So be patient, and rejoice!

For the end is near so that the beginning can be born,

What you knew will disappear and what you know will be all that remains.

Smile…simply smile.

Let the Light Shine In (and Out)

February 13, 2012 / tomgrasso

The amazing part about experiencing a deep depression, for me, is what is happening since I survived what seems to be the worst of it. It is this “afterward” experience that would cause me to not only ask, but literally beg, anyone who is having such an experience with depression to do their best to “get through it.” Yes, brighter days will be upon you!

I’ve detailed a small part of my recent experience with an absolutely depressing experience. I’ve been dealing with the waves of fear, anger, sadness, and doubt that come along with the experience I am having, but today I am happy to announce that I have had a wonderful experience of love, understanding and acceptance. Yes, my friends, this moment – this experience I am having now – was well worth the effort that survival took.

And yes, that survival took more effort than I ever thought I could manage.

Today I was fortunate enough to look at someone I have loved for a huge chunk of my life differently. I am not saying that I squinted my eyes, or put rose-colored glasses on, or changed the lighting in the room. I am saying that I had an experience that caused me to see her differently. I won’t get into detail here (the details will be reserved for her at the appropriate time), but let me say that every moment of pain and suffering came into view as if I was looking at the “Big Bang” in reverse. All of the outward doubt, fear, anger and suppressed resentment came rushing at her as if a shock wave was being played backwards. It then disappeared into her somewhere, and all that was left was a radiant light and a knowledge that light itself was all that mattered.

Of course my ego suggested I was crazy, and that the nights of failed sleep and the constant barrage of thoughts had finally caught up with me. In fact, it tried to prove I was crazy by saying something completely stupid to ruin that moment. Yet, there I stood for what must have been a millisecond to the outside world for what was an eternity to me. I was basking in the glow of something much different than what I had seen before. I felt intensely focused and completely ready to heal. The bandages were not only removed, but forgiveness and love immediately poured into the exposed wound, making it barely noticeable.

“This is Love,” came the Light. “It banished everything else.”

Yes, I feel fucking crazy. Yes, I hesitate to write this because I realize that you will think I am crazy too. The irony of that amazes me. Here it was not but a few days ago I was writing about a moment in which I nearly ended this life and that hardly made me crazy. Seeing another human being in the Light of Love and knowing it, well that makes me not only a bit unusual, but also a bit crazy. Or is it the fact that the Light spoke to me?
First, I never said it spoke to me, I said it “came.” In other words, I had an understanding without speaking a word or hearing a word. It was just there like the hair on my toe knuckle except, of course, it was much more attractive.

Ok, I am projecting. Yes, I believe I am a bit crazy. Given what I have experienced in my life I will take THIS crazy over the OTHER crazy any day. I got up from the chair I was sitting on and went outside without even remembering the action. I left the room and can’t even remember how. I just remember how tremendously awesome I felt and how absolutely bright the world around me looked. Most of all, I remember that she was there for it, as she has been there for so many remarkable and not-so-remarkable moments in my life. It seemed perfect, it seemed appropriate, and it seemed very fitting given the complications of it all.

It’s important to note that she is not the important part here except in the appropriateness of her place in the experience. This experience may actually be a burden to her. I am not suggesting that it is, I am suggesting that I have no idea if it is or isn’t. It wasn’t her experience, it was mine. She just happened to be the Mona Lisa at the very moment I discovered that I loved art. I believe this is important because I often want to burden someone else with the experience I am having. It’s like forcing a homeless man who wants to sleep to stay wide awake to eat a meal because it makes me feel good to give it to him. I don’t want to do this here, I simply want to explain the experience in total as it happened. She just happened to be the focal point of it (which may, or may not, be a coincidence).

So I have felt like I am on that proverbial Cloud 9 ever since. My sense of humor has returned in force. I am not so worried about the future, nor am I so concerned about the past. I have THIS moment, and what could be better? I am not worried about the status of any relationship (even this one). I am not all wrapped up in the debate my mind has had constantly with itself. I simply am dedicated in this moment and am “focused intently and with loving intensity on healing and progress….” (to quote my Facebook status I barely remember typing).

I am not suggesting that this feeling will last. I am suggesting that I don’t care if it does. Right now is good enough for me. I BELIEVE is the appropriate affirmation of this moment. I believe in Love. I believe in Light. I believe in Now.

The rest, well that will take care of itself in perfect harmony even if it happens to sound like finger nails on a blackboard as life sings it into my ear. Life will sing and I will be forced to listen even if I am left kicking and screaming in the corner of the room. I could, however, decide to dance to the tune when acting like a baby doesn’t seem to jive with the moment. Maybe I am simply dancing…

Enough. Many of you are probably saying (to quote a rather intellectual and wise sage) “shut the fuck up and let me suffer!” I am responding “go to it but please, whatever you do, live through it. The tunnel is very dark and lonely, but the light on the other end is absolutely brilliant.” Of course I am not sure I am on the other end, I may just be rounding a turn for all I know. The light right here, however, is absolutely brilliant and was worth the pain that brought me here. I’ll take it.

Right now, well the buzzer on my clothes dryer keeps going off and I want to take a baseball bat to it. Ah it feels good to be BACK, even if I am not so sure I was ever here to begin with. That, however, is another story!

Peace!

There is No Rainbow Without the Rain

August 24, 2011 / tomgrasso

The winds subside. The lightning and thunder move on. The clouds part revealing an intense sunlight as you step into its embrace.

Through the destruction left behind you see the Love that remains. Trees stand proudly in their survival as remnants of those left fractured and splintered by the storm lose their grip. You are faced with a choice. Do you focus on the wounded or on the whole? Your choice is yours to make freely. Neither is wrong, and both are expressions of a deep and abiding compassion.

You move freely in the open air. With arms outstretched you embrace the sun. The invigorating smell of air cleansed by nature fills your lungs as you survey the departing clouds in the distance. You see your family and neighbors actively moving about. Some are cleaning up, some are helping others, some are simply staring in disbelief. You begin to walk over to do your part, whatever “your part” means.

You see the grass around you. It seems to look a bit greener than it did yesterday, but perhaps you are just seeing it a bit clearer today. Still, nature all around looks more alive to you. The birds are singing more clearly, the trees look more alive, and the breeze seems to caress your face more gently than it had before. Is this your own perception or is it a reality?

You smile in the realization that there is no difference.

The sky seems bluer today. As you stare into what is not truly blue, it dawns on you that “this too shall pass”. This wonderfully blue, not-truly-blue sky will again became enraged by the clouds it nurses to life. The winds will blow and the rains shall pour. Lightning will strike and thunder will roll. Yet, you sit still observing this storm as you had the blue skies that gave it life. “This too shall pass.”

A wave of peace flows over your Entirety. You are content in the mud that now adorns your feet, and in the sweat that now hugs your brow. You wish you could share this with the others who are busily scurrying around in one dramatic form or another. “STOP!”, you want to say with authority. “Appreciate the moment and rejoice in it!”

You blink and awaken to the moment. You don’t cater to the voice that wishes to shout. You go about your business as you cater to the wave that has given you sight. You smile in peace and with joy in the realization of this moment. A friend looks at you and shouts, “what are you smiling about? There’s nothing to smile about here!”

“See that?” you say as you point to a fully-formed rainbow in the distance. “I love rainbows, and without the rain there would be no rainbows.”

Peace.

Sister Assumpta – The Story of the Monk and the Scorpion

August 24, 2011 / tomgrasso

When I was but a wee lad (that’s the Irish in me) there were many difficulties facing me. Those difficulties translated themselves in tough times both behaviorally and socially. This was, of course, no more evident than in my school life.

Needless to say, the fact that I was having a very tough time was an understatement. Yet, through it all, there remained this tough old nun (I went to Catholic school) who was there for me in some of the darkest moments of my young life. Her name was Sister Assumpta, and although she was tough I have yet to meet a person who offered such unconditional love to me as she had. In some ways she was a savior to me, and although it took many more years for my savior to arrive, she was there to do her best in guiding me through a time when I was utterly alone.

So, in this post, I wish to honor her, and you, with a story and explanation. The story is one that she told me during one moment when I felt an intense anger and was suffering horribly from it. This moment was a harbinger of things to come, but in this instance she was there to try to light a different, truer, path for me. It is with tears in my eyes with love in my open heart that I offer you this memory in honor of a loving woman who will live eternally in my Soul.

♥

A monk was walking besides a river swollen with torrential rains looking to see if there was anyone he could help. As he scanned the raging river, he noticed a scorpion struggling to stay atop a boulder. It was surely going to be swept away as the river rose.

The monk noticed a tree near the river’s bank that offered a sturdy branch reaching out directly over the scorpion. Without hesitation, the monk climbed the tree, shimmied across the branch, and reached out to grab the scorpion as a large crowd gathered to watch.

Each time the monk reached out, the scorpion would sting him. Still, the monk persisted until finally, after many, many tries, he successfully grabbed the scorpion and carried him safely to the shore. The amazed crowd watched as the monk let the scorpion go, staggered, and fell at the base of the tree surely to die.

“Why would you kill yourself to save a scorpion?” someone in the crowd asked. “Surely you would know he would sting you and you would die!”

“Of course I did,” said the monk. “Yet just as it is the scorpion’s true nature is to sting in fear, it is my true nature to serve in love. We were just being true to Who We Are.”

And with that the monk died, a free man true to his Self.

♥

Now, I altered the end a little to more fit my current understanding. I simply added those seven words that, to me, sum up the moral of the story. What Sister Assumpta was trying to tell a young boy losing himself in sadness, anger and chaos was to not lose sight of the true Self. Even then I understood what she was trying to say, but at that stage of my life I wasn’t sure who my true Self was. It seemed my true Self was the one getting me beat at home, teased at school, and in trouble everywhere. I simply did not have the tools or the experience to take that understanding and do something with it. Frankly, those few moments with Sister Assumpta just were not enough to stem the tide of the raging river within me. I eventually changed from being the monk to the scorpion and back to the monk again.

Actually, in my current understanding, I have always been the monk, the scorpion and the crowd. Those experiences are “who I am” in this lifetime. Today, however, I understand I have a choice. I have no need to protect myself. I have no need to cater to fear. I have no need to worship the ideas of who you are or who I am; I simply have the understanding that we are truly no different except in those meaningless ideas. In those moments when my ego rears up I try to go back to that scared and angry little boy. I see the smiling face of Sister Assumpta as she grabs my cheeks in love to share some light. This time, however, I smile back and tell her, “thank you, I understand, and I love you too.” Those moments of focus are coming quicker to me now as the hold anger has over me evaporates with the ideas that spawns it.

See, the scorpion allowed the monk to be who he was in shining glory. “No greater love is there than when a person dies for his friend.” In return, the monk allowed the scorpion to be who it was. Both allowed the crowd to be who it was. All accepted and none suffered.

I love you. I can’t help it. Even when the scorpion decides to sting (both when I am the stinger and the stingee) I love. As my mind conjures up ideas about you and yours about me, we both love each other in ways we simply have yet to recognize. I have to find ways to recognize that love in myself and express it to you. That’s the light that needs to shine. If Sister Assumpta tried to do anything it was to shine a light for all to see, and I will be eternally grateful to a woman who can still inspire a warm feeling of love within me.

Anyway, I hope this foray into memory and love had some meaning to you. I look forward to seeing your light shortly. Peace!

I Died Yesterday…

July 8, 2011 / tomgrasso

…so, I decided to write my own eulogy today.

I was sort of thinking (this is what I call it when I am not formally meditating but kind of just being) when the topic of death arose in my mind. No, I am not a “morbid” kind of guy, but recently I have had a few friends and acquaintances pass on, and the issue of why we always seem to have nice things to say about someone AFTER they die came up in a casual conversation. I guess that conversation sparked something in my soul because as I sat in informal stillness something popped up in my head. Allow me to explain in detail as to why I feel it is necessary to write my own eulogy.

Why We Speak Kindly of Those Who Have Died

It dawned on me that we aren’t being hypocrites when we speak kindly of those who have passed away even if we disliked them when they were “alive”. Rather, it is an act of forgiveness. It seems to me as I review my experiences with this, that we are simply forgiving those who have passed for whatever sins they may have committed while alive. It’s a fundamental spiritual activity to me. When someone passes, something deep inside us takes hold and we instantly REMOVE those ideas of separation that once dominated our relationship with the now departed. Fear and ego lose their grip on our understanding, and the essence of love, which we call “forgiveness”, takes over.

Simply put, we want to Love, and in that desire we forgive. This isn’t a subconscious activity. Rather it is one that is much deeper, possibly within that which CREATES the subconscious. It is that part of us so deep we often lose sight of it; that part of us that creates all other parts of us. The soul, our Being, the Holy Spirit, God. Whatever you want to call it, it is there fully realized the moment you forgive even if you don’t know why you are doing the forgiving.

Of course, for most the ego takes over shortly afterward. It then suggests that you are being a hypocrite for being nice about someone you disliked while alive or, as most of us will, forget about those ideas of separation we created between us and the person we are eulogizing. The ego doesn’t want you to realize your True Self, so it judges you, calls you names, labels you so that you fall back in line. It’s the ego regaining control. Ignore it and bask in the light of YOU, the Forgiver, the Lover, the Peacemaker.

That leads me to why I want to write my own eulogy now.

My Eulogy, A Statement of Forgiveness

I know, many reading this were probably thinking that my writing my own eulogy was an exercise in ego. I needed it to state how great I am, how wonderful I am because, after all, eulogies are just that. Yet, I have much more sinister reasons in mind. At least my ego thinks so!

First, I consider a eulogy to be a statement of the forgiveness we offer those who have passed away. Yes, we need to forgive everyone in our lives because, frankly, we are wronged by everyone at some point in our journey whether we choose to admit it or not. At some point in our relationship we create a moment of separation, an idea that separates us from our beloved, from each other or from ourselves. It could be something from “damn, her dress is cut so low I can see her belly button from the top” to “why did I eat that ice cream”. It could be something much more serious, or something far more benign. Yet, it’s there, an idea by which we have created some separation.

When we eulogize someone, either in a formal setting or in a private conversation, we somehow forget those ideas of separation and gain an understanding of the Oneness that is the Truth. The affronts to our person are forgiven, and we focus on those things that truly matter. It’s a moment of transformation where fear dies and Love resurrects. The stone is rolled back and Love emanates from the cave. Focus on that moment, and know your True Self.

My eulogy begins as a method of removing my ideas of separation about myself so that, one day, others may be able to remove those ideas of separation they have about me as well. Not a bad premise, huh? So, in writing my own eulogy, I am forgiving myself. I am allowing Love to radiate and fear to fall away. It may be something we all want to do.

My Eulogy, A Statement of Intention

Secondly, when I eulogize others it is a pure statement of forgiveness. When I eulogize myself and bask in that glow of self-forgiveness, I am also issuing a statement of intention. I am stating a “higher vision of myself”, and it could become a physical manifestation of my spiritual intention.

See, my writing my own eulogy is a spiritual exercise designed to help me understand my higher vision of who I am and then put that vision into action so that I may enrich the world. Yes, I see my intention as that powerful. Also, it is not about what I have done, but how I want my Self to be seen when my time here is finally over. Even though I see my intention as that powerful, I understand it only gets its power when it is put into action.

For instance, if I say “Tom was a great father, a loving husband, and a helping hand to all who needed it”, aren’t I stating an intention that I was to be a great father, a loving husband and a helping hand to all who needed it? If that is my “higher vision of self”, aren’t I in fact stating to the Universe my intentions to be that higher vision? If I state, “Tom worked tirelessly to feed the hungry”, hadn’t I better start working to feed the hungry in order to make that statement true? See, my eulogy is NOT a statement of the past, or at least it shouldn’t be, it should be a statement of intention. Your eulogy of me, however, will be a statement of how my intentions became real within your perspective of forgiveness.

Putting my eulogy together reminded me of something. There are very few people who have achieved “greatness” who haven’t lived up to their eulogy. Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Jesus, Buddha (among others) all lived their eulogies and then some. They fulfilled their intention and in doing so became greatness among us. They so understood their intention and were so focused on working it that they became “great” people in the process. We all have that power, that ability, if only we would stop creating ideas that separate us from that power.

Using the Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Jesus and Buddha example, their ideas of separation (religion, for example) became irrelevant when perusing their intention. For example, even though Mother Teresa expressed moments of deep spiritual loss and blackness, she was living her intention which was, for all intents and purposes, her true spirituality. Remember this important component when writing your eulogy: Your eulogy should not be a statement of who you are, but what you intend to do. When I suggested that I was a “loving father”, I was not stating who I was, but rather what I did. In this exercise, “loving father” was a verb, not an adjective.

It’s (Almost) Never Too Late to be Great

Do me a favor. Inhale deeply. Now exhale fully. Do it again and repeat if necessary.

As long as you can do that simple exercise it is not too late to be great. Keep that in mind here. You don’t have to have books written about you or become a famous guru or spiritual master to be great. You need simply live out your highest vision of self, your intention, and the Universe will answer. It’s that simple. Want to work with children? Work with them. Want to feed the hungry? Feed them. Want to make a difference? Make a difference. State the intention, work the intention and become great in the process.

I do, however, have one qualifier. Your statement of intention and work should never be another’s burden. If YOU wish to clean up the street, then clean it up. Don’t send letters to your neighbors telling them THEY have to clean it up. If you start picking up trash, others may follow you in acting upon THEIR intention, but then it is theirs, not yours. You may even tell others you are going to do it, and suggest that they may help you, but that is where it should stop. If I want to feed the hungry, I can state the intention for others to hear, but I can’t force them into my intention in any way. It is mine, and they have their own. Period.

My eulogy should never read “forced others to feed the poor”. That is not a higher vision I have for myself!

Fortunately, I have time to do wha….

A bit of sarcasm here and I apologize for it. It was necessary to make my point. You don’t have time. You have now. Make it happen now, not tomorrow or next week. It should NOT be hard regardless of the issues your ego creates to keep you from your dream. If you LOVE that vision you have, then that love will smooth the waves and allow you to walk on water.

Remember, the ideas you plant in that mind of yours will lead you to your vision. What you think you are you are, and what you think I am I am until that moment when forgiveness happens. I trust you will make the right choice because you can’t help yourself. There is no wrong here except in the ideas I have created that make it wrong.

I would tell you to read my eulogy now but it is a private affair. Rather, I want you to see my eulogy in action. I am making it happen now, and it may take time for it to flow to you, but I assure you the words are meaningless compared to the action. Enjoy it, relish in it, and live it.

PEACE!

Act (Not Ask) and You Shall Receive

June 23, 2011 / tomgrasso

Original photograph by Sandy Chase

I am sitting here, goose bumps covering my skin and tears welling up in my eyes. Each hair on my body is alive as if each is reaching for the sky while my body seems to be melting into the space beneath it. My breath is still slow, my heart content to beat in time with the rhythm that has pulsed through it. I am alone but not lonely. I am still but far from doing nothing. I am alive and I am aware even as the universe fades from view in eyes wide open.

Thus ends my midday meditation and for those of you who may not have experienced this I highly recommend it. It’s not the first time that I have been graced with such an explosion of emotion. Once, when I was about 14, I had such a tremendous experience while meditating that I stopped practicing until I could better understand the experience. In that moment I cried like a baby as a sense of love came cascading down from points all around me. I felt the room fade away as all that remained was the sense of love that filled the areas where intense pain once dwelled. Light filled darkness, and the unusual experience of joy filled my heart. Needless to say, I was not prepared to handle it.

I was not alone but I was lonely in my youth. I was a tortured soul if ever there was one, with parents who instilled such agreements in me as “I am not worthy” or “I am nothing”. They also created agreements for me that caused me to fear love, to fear commitment, to fear giving myself freely and to fear trusting in anything with a heartbeat. Yes, they drew up the contracts but it was me who readily agreed to sign them. I did not understand the latter part of that equation until after my children were born and love began to invade places I kept locked deep within me. Today, those places are becoming “public parks” where anyone can visit without a moment’s hesitation on my part.

It was not until recently that I decided those contracts must become null and void. Now, you just don’t cancel a contract with fear or anger. It just doesn’t work that way. Rather, you must replace those contracts with agreements that make them null and void. You don’t “ask” for release, you release yourself (action, by the way, is the purest form of asking). I’ll say that again, this time without the parentheses. Action is the purest form of asking. Perhaps, for those of you who don’t know me, this requires a bit of explanation using my patented analogies.

Say I want to have a successful business in landscaping and I am a very creative landscaper with many talents for the task. I sit in silent prayer asking the Universe (or God) to make my business successful. I do this for countless hours a day, several days a week for several weeks in a row. At the end of the practice, I look at my sales figures in total disbelief. “Zero sales!?,” I shout. “The universe must hate me. That law of attraction stuff is nothing but nonsense!!”

Source: Photobucket (username: eyeness)

I suggest that is simply not so. What you have truly done is ask the universe to make you successful at sitting still and praying, to which it replied “YES!” I have found in my experience that action is the only question the Universe actually understands. If I sit in a church somewhere and pray for world peace, and then leave the building and attack a person walking down the street, which request am I actually asking the Universe to meet? That answer seems relatively simple, and to me is one reason gurus like Gandhi said, “BE the change you wish to see in the world” and not “pray that the world changes”. Make sense? I can’t find anything else that is clearer spiritually.

Having this experience within me, I discovered that I cannot simply ask that an agreement with fear be nullified. I cannot ask for an end to loneliness while remaining in an empty room attached to a need for companionship. I cannot ask to be loved while continually spreading fear to those around me. I cannot ask to “see the light” while sitting on the basket that covers it. No, I must make other agreements and, in turn, ask the question correctly. I must walk out of my empty room toward a room filled with others (or lose my attachment to companionship) if I no longer want to be lonely. I must spread love if I want to see love in return. I must lift the cover if I wish to see the light under it. Action, therefore, is the question the Universe understands.

Now, back to the analogy. I ask the Universe to have a successful landscaping business not by praying for it, but rather by going out and doing a good job at a good value. I relish in my passion for it and it, in return, provides me with success. I have made an agreement with success by not only identifying my passion and talent but by putting that passion and talent in ACTION. To this, the Universe always says “YES!”

What Agreements Does the Universe Have With You? (source: NASA)

Once I discovered this truth a new reality was born for me. I have replaced the agreements I had with fear with new agreements with Love. I have replaced the agreements I had with anger with new agreements with joy. I have replaced the agreements I had with judgment with agreements with peace. Mostly, I have replaced agreements I had with death with new agreements I have with life. Amazing, huh? I have begun asking the questions correctly. I used to pray that I could become a writer. Now, I write. A prayer never once put a moment of inspiration through my fingers onto paper, actually typing them did. An agreement I had with a dream has been replaced with a new agreement I have with action. I have replaced asking with action and expecting with doing and have found a great new world in front of me.

Now, the goose bumps have subsided, and I can return to the rest of my passion-filled day. See, prayer may not get inspiration from fingers to paper, but it does get inspiration from Source to fingers. Prayer in itself is a question. Meditation is, after all, an action. The Universe always says “YES” to both, and anytime we believe it has failed what really has failed is our perception of what we have asked or what we have done. The Universe never fails, ever.

Be well, and prosper my dear friends. It’s all up to YOU.