The Writings of Tom Grasso

What you feel is life, what you live is another story.

Category: Sex

The Marriage Issue is About More Than A Chicken Sandwich

August 5, 2012 /

 

This “issue” involving Chick-fil-A has certainly stirred up a debate (I love understating the obvious). It has even stirred up a debate on whether or not we should be having a debate about the debate about the issue.  Amazingly, we are not only fractured about the issue itself, but also on the importance of the very debate!

After getting caught up in the emotion of the issue (I favor equality for all people), I decided perhaps a few moments of contemplation and introspection were in order.  The reaction I was having was about me, and my feelings, and not about the issue at all. In the mix of anger and hostility I was feeling towards those I have deemed as “oppressors”, it didn’t feel right that I continue with such a reaction.  I can’t be so attached to any principal or opinion in a way that sacrifices the very mindfulness I have so worked so hard to develop.

So, contemplation ongoing and mindfulness somewhat returning, here is what I have come to understand.

Denying marriage to any two consenting adults is discrimination

There, I said it. In this society marriage isn’t just a religious ceremony but also a civil contract. Civil contracts fall under the auspices of the judicial branch of our government. Therefore, government has to be involved in the issue of marriage from a strictly legal standpoint. Anything from purchasing real estate, to investments, to decisions that affect the children of the marriage all fall under the civil contract that marriage provides.

Therefore, in my opinion, denying any two consenting adults the rights that marriage provides for under law is an act of discrimination.  Doing so by law is oppression.  Doing so by law under religious pretense is religious persecution.

Government must take the lead

Why?  Because that is why we have one.  Part of the role of government is to protect the minority from the majority.  Mob rule is not tolerated in this nation, and should not be tolerated under any circumstances even if you are a member of the mob.  Remember folks, one day you may find yourself on the other side of this mob rule mentality, and you will hope and pray that the insane majority does not get to oppress you.  You will look for your knight in shining armor, and in this nation that knight comes to us in the form of legislation and judicial oversight.

One reason I love the ACLU (yes, that seems to make me a bleeding liberal, yet I see no evidence of blood anywhere) is because they take on the most unpopular causes in support of liberty.  I don’t even agree with them often, but I see the value in what they do and love the fact that someone out there is willing to take on the mob in the arena our founders have designed for just such a purpose: the court system.  Even when I am part of the mob I love that there is someone out there who is willing to challenge me because, frankly, I am not right all of the time (in fact I am wrong most of the time) and need to be challenged.

I see denying anyone, homosexuals included, the ability to marry one another is like denying a person a seat at the counter I am at simply based on who they are.  In our rather short but dark history, we Americans protest we are about being the “shining light of freedom” but rarely let this line shine first in our interactions with one another.  We have invaded a land and uprooted an entire civilization often killing, raping, and creating great suffering in the process (yes, we invaded North America and got a lot of the continent for our efforts).  We have bought and sold other human beings, enslaving them under deplorable human conditions.  We kept people from voting based on race and gender.  We have killed one another for profit, and imprisoned record numbers of people in the name of an idea that suggests intoxicants are horrible. We have instituted death as a punishment without ever being able to prove with certainty that all those we kill are guilty.  We’ve kept an entire race of people separate from the rights, power, and dignity afforded to those in the majority.  Yes, those people we sought to segregate from our society were ancestors of the people we once kidnapped, bought, sold and enslaved as nothing more than property.

But the good news is…

We learned from our mistakes.  The picture I paint above is factual even if it paints a very dark picture of the American experience.  However, part of that American experience is in realizing the mistake and correcting it.  We now honor (albeit not enough in my opinion) Native Americans in their remarkable way of life and in recognition of their place in this continent’s history.  We passed laws giving women the right to vote.  We ended Prohibition even if we haven’t learned the lesson fully yet.  We emancipated the enslaved and fought to save a Union in the process.

We even passed laws making discrimination illegal.  Despite sitting at a counter not being any right provided for Constitutionally, we protect human beings from the onslaught of stupidity that deems them less than another.  Despite wage equality not being a right Constitutionally, we protect human beings from the stupidity that suggests that who they were born makes them less valuable than who they are.  Rosa Parks could end her life sitting anywhere she damned well pleased on a bus because we heard her loud and clear, and we debated, discussed, fought, died, and did what was necessary to right a wrong.

It’s not about sexuality…

It’s about humanity, compassion, liberty, freedom, and ensuring all of those things for not only ourselves or our gay brothers and sisters, but also our posterity.  Any one of my children could be gay.  Or my grandchildren to come way, way, WAY in the future.  Would I want my children or grandchildren (or any one of my posterity to come) to face segregation, humiliation and religious persecution because of who they were born to be?  My Creator created each and every one of them, and I simply refuse to allow what I see as idiotic ideas of man to interfere with the beauty my Creator as endowed to this Universe.

It’s time we end the idiocy.

So, to me, it’s not about the sexuality of the couple who wants to enjoy the full legal benefits of marriage without being separated from the rest of society( civil unions suck for that reason in my opinion).  A church does not have to marry anyone the religion itself discriminates against, but the governments of this nation should have no choice but to marry anyone who wants to marry.  Period.

It becomes about fairness, equality, and the fact I never want to be an oppressor.  Yes, I see anyone who gets in the way of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as an oppressor.  I see anyone who supports those who gets in the way of someone enjoying life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as an oppressor even if all they do is make horrible food for people to eat (it may taste good, but so does rat poison to a rat).  Eat it if you want, it’s a free nation and you should be free to do whatever you want to yourself (even smoke a joint if it helps you with the ailments eating MSG-laden chicken sandwiches gives you).

The debate is not only important, but necessary

Yes, we need to debate this.  It’s how we have evolved as a nation.  We take a wrong, discuss it until everyone is in a good fervor, and

I Love this woman

then fight it out somewhere. Or we wait until Snooky has her baby and forget the entire thing.  Whichever.  We need this debate though.  We need a Rosa Parks to stand up and say “enough”.  We need to a Susan B. Anthony to suggest that a woman owning her own property as only fair.  We need an Abraham Lincoln to have the balls enough to not only address an idiotic idea, but defeat it wherever it may

choose to fight.  Dare I say that we even need an John F. Kennedy to stand up to the George Wallace’s of the world and say “not on my watch.”

Yes, we do.  It’s the American responsibility that comes with having the American dream.  Discuss it, debate it, realize the error and then fix it.  One day, and I hope I am alive to see it, we will look back on this discussion just as we look back at our segregationist history. Our grandchildren will review this era in our history and say “what on Earth were they thinking”.  I also hope that they will look back favorably and honor those who stood up and changed the idea.  The idea that somehow this society should discriminate, and that it was not the role of our government to end the insanity.

One can only hope.  And pray.  And, yes, work to get it done.

~Peace.

Why Nudity (and sex) Suits me Fine

August 9, 2011 /

“Yes, Father Mack, I am a pervert.”

My mind answers the priest’s question even as my mouth stays silent.  There is no sense for a 13 year old to enrage a rather large, Irish priest who certainly doesn’t like being challenged.

Ironically enough, the picture of a naked man and woman I was staring at came from the library at St. Joseph’s Catholic Elementary School in a book that, also ironically, detailed the act of sexual intercourse even as it painted a rather bleak picture of it.  According to this fine “how to” manual (the name of which escapes me), a man was fondled “down there” until he became erect.  He then entered the woman from the “missionary position” until he ejaculated.  He then proceeded to fall asleep inside of her until his penis became flaccid and fell out.  It was messy.  It was glum.  It was horrifying to say the least.

Amazingly, I thought this was how it was done well into my 30’s; another scar of my Catholic upbringing that took me years to overcome.  I now apologize to anyone effected by my dedication and devotion to such ideals.

As the book made it around the hallowed halls of St. Joe’s, we boys studied intensely the various drawings of male and female reproductive organs, as well as illustrations of what they looked like all connected.  I must say that whomever created those masterpieces of creation we call “genitals” certainly understood the engineering of a round peg fitting into a round hole even if the drawings of that masterpiece looked a little like a “disaster”.  My dick certainly didn’t look anything like that drawing, but as far as “how to” manuals go I guess it was great.  At least it wasn’t written in Japanese like most of the electronic manuals available during that time period were.  I could at least read what was supposed to happen even if the drawings themselves caused me to look away in horror.

Then there were the pictures.  Now, I must assume that the book was written in the

Where's Woodstock?

heyday of the 1960’s “summer of love” phenomenon because what I saw was a horror show all unto itself.  I remember being a bit grateful that the drawings were there because otherwise you wouldn’t have a clue what the vagina looked like.  It took me years to learn that not all vaginas came with 12 feet of braid-able hair.  Seriously, it is no small wonder most men couldn’t find the clitoris.  Blame the male of the species all you want, but it seems to me that once upon a time clitoral stimulation certainly was impossible without a weed whacker and a good sense of direction.

As scary as all of that was, nothing topped the moment Father McCloughlin (who we called “Father Mack”) caught me staring at the visage of a naked woman.  Ok, so I wasn’t really looking at her face.

“Mr. Grasso, what is that you are looking at?”

I thought the answer was fairly obvious, and certainly not worth describing in detail. The stuttering and stammering that was coming from my dry and cracked lips was all the description necessary.  However, in my mind, I said something like this:

“I am looking a one hairy bush and nipples that look like moons around her belly button.  I think it’s a ‘her’ anyway.”

In reality, the reply sounded something like this:

“Er, duh, um, well, um, er, ah, yeah.”

Very eloquent.  Very mindful.  Not one of my prouder moments.

“Do you know what this makes you Mr. Grasso?”

In my mind came the response:

“Yes, Father Mack, I am a pervert.  God created this boner in my pants because he wanted me to never use it.  He created this woman’s body so that I could hide my head in shame when I saw it.  I get it.”

What came out was:

“No sir.”

“Well, I will see you at confession son.”

Confessionals are where the best books are written

Damn it.  Not confession!!  You mean I have to sit and tell you once again that I looked at some naked woman in a book that YOUR school provided and that you, once again, have to make me feel like my curiosity was WRONG??  It was moments like these that pretty much assured me that heaven and hell were right here on earth.  Either way, as an altar boy there was no hiding from this man, and certainly no hiding from him when he issued the “see you at confession” sentence.  I was doomed.

I have wondered since my early days of studying the Bible what the big deal about nudity was.  After all, “perfect” man and woman had no issue with walking around naked playing nudist all day long.  It wasn’t until they became imperfect that the issues with their bodies became known, right?  So why wouldn’t I want to be more perfect and, more importantly, why wouldn’t every woman I have ever seen strive for such utter perfection??

Alright ladies, take it off.  Take it ALL off.  Remember, I simply want you to be perfect.  Throw away those proverbial fig leafs and find Eden my dear friends.  Let it all hang out, and for pete’s sake don’t mind my binoculars.   Guys?  Well you can remain imperfect and shameful.  I have no need to see you better than you are.

Yes, today us guys oogle and ah at every image of a naked woman we see.  Yet, I am often left to wonder what would have happened if I never knew clothes existed.  Would I have been staring painfully at my then-girlfriend (now my wife) wondering what was under those awesome threads that covered the awesome masterpiece beneath?  Would her body have been that big of a deal to me?  Would it still be?

Ok, I take it back.  Ladies, put your clothes back on.  See, there is something to be said about imagination and its power over the human mind.  Frankly, I am not oogling women anymore.  That practice is best kept to teenagers who have nothing better to do and no one better to do it with.  For me, I am happy staring at my woman and just “imagining”.  To me, you have found the right person not only when your mind is turned on, but when your body can be each and every time her clothes hit the floor.  I am lucky that way.

See, even the story of original sin has its good points.  If Eve hadn’t convinced Adam to eat the apple I would not have the imagination I have today to imagine what’s doing under my wife’s summer dress.  Perhaps that was her motivation?  Maybe fondling him until he became erect, having him lie on top of her until ejaculation, followed by his snoring while his flaccid member fell out of her just wasn’t cutting it.  Maybe she needed more, so that apple sounded pretty damn appetizing.

Oh, I am also left with the idea that perhaps the “snake” mentioned in Genesis wasn’t a serpent after all.    It could have been a one-eyed worm named Willie who was to be the cause of laughter for many thousands of years to come.  Yes, the irony of it all just astounds me.

What Father Mack never mentioned, and what I was never taught by those who were

Kama Sutra - the 11th Commandment?

quick to teach me how “bad” sexual expression was, is that sex is a wonderful spiritual experience.  Just as every other spiritual practice, it needs to be practiced mindfully, with your entire being, and then it becomes an awesome experience that can change your life.  I understand why Father Mack couldn’t mention it, but I can’t understand why very few people in my life had that experience other than they simply didn’t know how.  The Bible may be a sorted collection of pornographic story lines, but where is the section where the spirituality of sex is explored?  Did the God of the Bible create such a beautiful experience so that we could hide and be ashamed of it?  Or was it that Moses (et al) where just dried up old men who had forgotten to experience anything better than saying “no”?

Freedom has allowed me to conclude that, in my experience, sex and nudity are awesome components of a complete life.  They suit me to a tee (pun intended).  It is, for me, the absolute gift that serves as a reminder of a higher level of consciousness can exist within the realm of things some humans find “dirty”.  It’s like finding ultimate cleanliness in what some would consider a mud puddle.  I suggest the mud is nothing more than a figment of the conditioning we are all slaves to, but it too can serve a purpose.  After all, what’s wrong with a little “dirt” every once in a while?

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