Category: Poetry (Page 18 of 36)

Three Weeks…Or so (Poem)

October 25, 2012 / Tom

It’s been three weeks

Or so…

Since the bomb went off

Since the ocean waves destroyed my little village

My safe haven

That place I called “home”.

It’s been three weeks

Or so…

Since the torrent of tears rained down

Staining the very ground we walked on

That little spot

Where Heaven met the Earth.

And now through the mud and muck

Comes a flower

Seeding the barren landscape with hope

Bringing color to the darkened mind

A spark of light

That has ignited a raging inferno.

Those three weeks

Or so…

Expanded a Universe from an atom to infinity

Changing time and space as it grew

Transformation

From deep pain to unbridled understanding.

Such pain have I inflicted

In those three weeks, or so

Water cannot pretend to be such hardened stone

For long

Until the cracks appear and the drops spill forth

And the tears define who we have become.

No more…I say, I shout to Heaven above

I dig my heels into soil of a different type

Soil that suits me better

The soil of Love on which I stand

A bit taller…a bit straighter…
A bit more knowing who I am.

Now, to shine.

For it’s been three weeks

Or so…

Since the clouds came and rained on my insanity

Now, the Sun has returned

And I will not let it go again.

Lover’s Lament

October 16, 2012 / Tom

I need you to settle in next to me

Hold my hand

Put your head on my chest

Let your leg drape over mine

As you wipe these tears away.

Tell me it’s all right

That the numbness will end

That the cold shoulder isn’t cold at all

Just waiting for my warmth, my touch

As you bring your body close to me.

Show me that you love me

That you are true, that the rock on which I rest

Isn’t another figment of my imagination.

That you are real

And that you aren’t just another ghost being created by a lie.

Let me feel the sun again

Hear the church bells ring while the songbirds sing their tune.

Let me know some truth

In place of this loneliness, your love

In place of this fear, your steady gaze.

In ignorance the fumes of fear explode

In dismissal the eruption of sadness consumes

The Warrior succumbs to the battles of his mind

He cannot move from his stool

Or stand as the blows rain down upon him.

And so he loves…

Now, then, tomorrow.

And though he struggles alone against the tide

He will stand, eventually

And he will secure Love’s sweet victory.

The Leaf (Poem)

October 16, 2012 / Tom

I’ve done my job

And as the end slowly comes

I will do my job again

And fall lightly to my Home.

I’ve rustled through the breeze

And sang loudly through the winds of change.

I’ve given you shade

When you needed a break from the midday Sun.

You’ve given life to me,

So that I could give life to you, my Tree.

Now the seasons are changing

And it’s time for me to change as well.

I’ve grown old to you

Another spring I shall not know

In your embrace.

You once held me so that I knew I could touch the sky

You once lifted me up so that I could see it all

And held me firm when the storm clouds came.

But now you’re letting go

In your release I cry shades of red

Of yellow and hues somewhere in between.

Where we once held firm against the storm

Now the slightest breeze tears us further apart.

Where I once danced in the Sun

I now wilt and seek refuge.

Where I was once supple

I am now dry and brittle to the touch.

Yet I have done my job.

And I will continue to do my job

As I fall lightly to the Earth

To feed you once again.

Part of me in the decay will spawn another leaf

In another time

In your place, the place I loved to be.

And you will dance in the breeze, and sing a song

So the Dream Goes (Where you find Hope)

October 12, 2012 / Tom

Soften

And ride the wave back to me

Release

So that I fit into your arms again

Let go

So that my fingers can slide between your own

Fall

So that I may catch you

Let me fall

Into your waiting arms

Come

So that I may see that you are real.

So the dream goes

The happiest parts of me are revealed

I can laugh, I can sing

I can hear your voice in everything

So the dream goes

The sunrise actually means something

I go back to then and remember when

I can feel your head on my shoulder again.

Know

That it’s not in me to let go

Feel

This beating heart is not forever

Time

Is but a gift for us to squander.

Believe

That I will never let you down

Rely

And I’ll be standing by your side

Surrender

We will never lose again.

So the dream goes

We make love under the moon

I know why I can fly

Carried by love’s holy sigh

So the dream goes

I become more than me

It’s true, who knew

The best of me is not in you.

The Truth ↔ Continues

To wander through this life without ever really discovering who you are is a sin. Pain allows you to see it clearly if you simply stop focusing on the pain and find what it reveals. Imagine falling asleep in such despair only to find your dreams are within you. You can hear your lover’s voice again, you can see her clearly nestled against you. She loves you so much, with such a truth and strength that lets you know you will never walk alone.

Yes, you laugh, you stand straighter, you fly in your dreams. Your soul speaks to you there, it lets you know what you need to know in order to find faith. Some faith. In some thing.

I found faith in me in this moment. It will be tested as I walk alone through the dark pathways of my mind. It will be shaken as time unfolds this destiny. Yet I know, actually I still think, I am loved but it’s becoming more clear. In my dreams I know it, not just because of her hand in mine or her body suggesting nothing else is possible, but because I know it. Period. I am loved because I love myself. Or at least I am beginning to.

This is not to say that she doesn’t matter. This is not to say that the tears rolling down my cheeks aren’t real. It is to say that because I know what love feels like with her that I know I want to feel that for me. Yes, I want to love me.

Imagine that no matter what I do I can still accept me.

Imagine not hating myself.

Imagine knowing I am good enough to hold your attention.

Imagine riding on the train of our lives together and being secure enough to simply tell you, “I want you next to me…” and knowing you will come. That there is no test, there is only love.

I can imagine all of those things, and I want them. I will have them. The little boy is loved, this young man is loved, I am loved. By me. And then hopefully, by you.

The phone rings.

Yes, it is a gift to hear your voice. I asked and I received.

Love can show itself when you need it most. It has and I accept. When the ebb and flow of the mind tosses you around like a goldfish in the sea it is love, trust, that gets you to the shore if it is the shoreline that you seek. It will also have you crashing into the rocks if it is the rocks you seek. Whatever you ask for you receive, and whatever you seek you will find.

So now I love that little boy in me, the one who never felt it from anywhere, and I say, “come with me buddy, let’s go get a workout in.” I won’t reject him again as so many others have. He will feel a love unending. He will feel acceptance that has no bounds. He did nothing wrong. He is awesome. He is greatness personified.

Yes, as I type that the release is tremendous. Tears flow like a waterfall. Cries come from somewhere within me. I realize I hurt there more than anywhere. That poor boy, he is beautiful, kind, loving, funny and did nothing wrong. He didn’t deserve anything he got. Now, he is being loved for the first time in any memory.

That little boy smiles and laughs with excitement at the suggestion. You love me he says…yes I do I reply. He hugs me and I hug him. Tightly. We aren’t letting go. I am sorry I let you down he says. Tears are my reply. I’m sorry I wasn’t better he says. You were great is my answer. You were strong. You didn’t fail. You won’t fail. He sobs like I’ve never seen another human being sob. I wanted to be perfect he says. I wanted to make them happy, make you happy. Why didn’t anyone love me? What did I do? Nothing I say. You did nothing. They did it. It was them, not you. Don’t own what they did, give it back to them. Wrap it in a nice box with nice paper and give it back to them. It’s theirs. Not ours. We have each other, you and I. And we are perfect.

I start to sob uncontrollably. Yes, I love this little boy. I love me. We may have to delay our trip to the gym…swollen, bloodshot eyes don’t necessarily go over well in a public setting. For now, I will just hold me and love me and begin the process of giving back what is not mine and claiming what is. Me and this little boy are ready. Turning around and taking a step is still taking a step forward.

We have found each other here among the tears and the tattered remains of what was. We feel strong, and know that we have much to be grateful for. The river that Love set in motion beckons us, and we are ready to dive in. We look at each other squarely in the eyes. I ask, what shall we name this place?

Hope is his reply. So, Hope it is.

Agony 10-11-12

October 11, 2012 / Tom

I feel it…

Right now

In my chest

In my eyes

As the tears begin to spill again.

Brave face…

Lost soul

Feeling lost

Alone and rejected

As my feet are kicked from under me.

The rope…

It stares

It whispers

Reminds me peace is coming

If not now then someday soon.

I wait…

I pray

I call her name

Silence is the only reply

So I sit, and cry, and wonder why.

State of Confusion

October 9, 2012 / Tom

From the tired mind:

I know I am not worth it

You have better things to do

Better people to struggle with

Or to not struggle at all.

This is just too much

For love is a fleeting thing

Like a butterfly that has tired of a flower

Or a bird scared from its perch.

The song stops

The sun sets

The leaves change and wilt away

And to dust we all return.

Yet the glow of knowing I am better than this

And deserve more

Should get more

Permeates this tired mind.

I know I will do the work

And cross the finish line with or without her

Her loss if she goes

Her loss if she walks away.

I don’t need to beg

Or to get her friends’ permission

To be who I am

When she looks into my eyes and sees the truth.

No, I just need to keep loving

And this fear will end soon enough

If she goes, she goes

The void will remind me of where she once resided.

Yes, I love her

And her rejection stings me to my bones

Yes I need her

And her lack of need in me has taken me apart.

From the unsure heart:

You are destined to be alone

And to have your unworthiness proven

For someone you valued beyond words

Has turned her back and walked away.

Gone

It’s just too much for her to bear

The cross too heavy has splintered on the ground

Where she dropped it, unforgiving in the end.

You deserve this

You have always deserved this

Each scar upon your aging skin

A reminder of just what you deserve.

Grow cold, my friend

For better to be a stone weathered by the sand

Than an Angel drowning in the sea

Whose wings were clipped by an arrow shot long ago.

But wait, you don’t deserve this

You deserve compassion and acceptance

As you work to end the pain

And heal the wounds you never created.

You should feel unrestrained love

As you give of yourself in the midst of uncertainty

She should be extending her hand in love

Not rejecting yours in the anger that feeds your reaction.

Hold true, it’s coming

You future is upon you now

Your love will be rewarded

And your past will fade into a distant memory.

To that little boy:

Do not be sorry

But allow me to love you

Now…then…beyond these tears

As we go back in time to heal the present.

Do not feel guilty

For the pain you have endured

Is not that cause of the pain this man feels

It is necessary on the pathway to greatness.

She left him

As he struggled to heal the wounds

Caused by those who should own the agony

As he leaves it all behind.

You are perfect

My little me…perfect beyond words

Endure, be strong, you are loved

Even if not by the object of your affection.

Do not take ownership of what they do to you

Or what they show you

Let them keep the pain all upon themselves

As you move into the world beyond their hell.

To the knowing Soul:

Heal me, and make it right

Allow the light to enter

Right where that bandaged place resides

And let it shine beyond.

Let this pain subside

So that I can feel the rightness

Out of the wrongness

And know that I am real.

And worthy.

And loved.

And love.

Give me strength to accept another

And lose memory of the love lost forever

Let the sting of rejection heal

And the passion once again return to these weary bones.

Through the Veiled Glass Door

October 7, 2012 / Tom

The Veiled Door

Through the Veiled Glass Door

I see her…

As a painting of the Divine

She speaks to me through time and space

Issuing a prayer to some part of me

That part of me

That can never blink…

…or doubt

…or fear.

Through the Veiled Glass Door

I see her…

Like a running stream to a thirsty man

I am nourished instantly

While wanting something more

Much more

From the journey that created this thirst to begin with

Each step…

…to her.

My hand reaches out to the Veiled Glass Door

I want her…

Like a happy child chasing a butterfly

Just to marvel at its beauty

The door slowly opens as she stirs

I am close…

So close…

My eyes fixed on the angel in front of me

I bend my lips to her cup to drink.

On the other side of the Veiled Glass Door

I have her…

Heaven sets upon us like a clear blue sky

The sunlight announces itself through the breaks in her hair

Sets her face aglow

The beauty that steals my breath from my lungs

Now shares the heart beating within my body

And the tears from my soul

And is all I could ever ask for.

Lies

October 5, 2012 / Tom

Left adrift upon the ocean

Curse the tide…fighting for the shore

In windy hell the storm clouds rain

Can’t offer something more

Seek the mountain through the valley

Ride the sky that you adore

Crash and burn in time…the mountainside

Falling through the door.

Words of concern roll into the ether

Her reply…bitter to the taste

He swallowed down the pill she gave to him

He’s a big, big waste.

Shadows in the open

Mark the time he hit the strings

Found the music out of tune…he played

Heard the lies in everything

For certain paid the Devil

Looked into what she said

Found that he could not trust a thing

The song echoes in his head.

Wicked is the ocean

Adrift like he was before

Silently the winds of hell they came

And pushed him to the floor.

If Only You Were Here

October 4, 2012 / Tom

A pink-hued sky announces the end

Of yet another day

The empty seat, the empty bed

What is there left to say?

To you…if only you were here.

We’ve walked here before

I see your footprints in the sand

I’d set the world on fire

If that was your demand

If only…if only you were here.

I sit here watching time

As I sit here wishing you were here

With your hand meshed in mine

There’d be nothing I could fear

If only…if only…you were here.

♥

The Blade (A Poem)

October 1, 2012 / Tom

I wonder to whom I owe this pleasure

Of some distorted story line

In some unholy scene of bloodless torture

As if some common pretentious wannabe

Has reigned over me like a troubled god.

When you pull that rusty blade

Aim for the heart

Do not take your time with it

But make it quick, painful, angry

Just don’t keep me in the dark.

For you may find when the blade comes down

That it’s not some whimpering dog you find

Laying in a ball, waiting…

But the keeper of hundred blades like that one

In a box not unlike the one you gave.

A smile, a jeer, some fortuitous deflection

And it’s off, the game is over

The warrior stands and eyes the sullen wound

Licks the blood that begins to rain

The taste reminds him of who he was.

He stares at his attacker

And a sense of dread befalls him

The hand once trusted now stole the life from him

The blade its simple tool

As he falls to his knees and begs his soul to leave.

But there are no tears to cleanse him

Or cries in the night to raise his humanity

Only the clean cut of a story told

The crusted blade reflects a distant star

That once had lit his way.

So now a choice

To fight true or give up to something new.

We shall see.

But to a truth he remains a slave

To the lie he remains a curse

And to both he remains…alive.