How did you discard me so easily?
Leave me by the curb,
On the other side of the dunes,
When all I wanted to do was swim with you in the sea?
How was I your son,
Yet now some wretched boy you pretend not to know,
Gone into some shell of his own,
A shell I cannot see yet can feel against the concepts in my mind?
Did I make it easy for you
To cut the ties that once bound us to our fantasy?
Did I teach you something I did not mean to
Or did you teach me something you had never found profound?
I am not a beaten man or a victim that you see,
Perhaps I walked away unwittingly
Perhaps I was just the oil in your cup of tea
Or perhaps the illusion was simply my cocoon.
Maybe in that time then
I was a chrysalis whose head was buried in the sand
A butterfly not yet ready to escape the illusion’s gravity
A pearl not yet found in the shell of my own mind.
Maybe I believed a lie
Yet I am not sure who told it best
So now I just breathe as your former son, brother
And you exist as those I used to know.
Perhaps it is not my heart I find
In broken pieces on the floor
Perhaps those tattered shards are nothing more
Than strands of silk that held me until these wings had grown.
Perhaps I was never part of you
Not born into certain certainty
But married kindly into some sort of tragic story told
Repeated over and over again in a mind letting go.
Perhaps these welts are not the wounds I feel
And these scars are not my enemy.
My friends are these memories that live within close proximity
My family is these lessons, the air that carries me.
So, perhaps I am your son,
Not born of you but still-born to you
Of you, beyond you
Crushed, I’ll be the fragrance on your shoe.
There is no greater freedom
Than lying naked on the floor
Drowning in a sea of tears and sweaty memories
Wishing is was different but loving that it is exactly as it is.
Perhaps we are but teachers and students still,
Yes, perhaps I am your son rejected,
Embraced by love beyond the fast illusion of who I was
Instead, becoming who I am.
Forget the beauty before my eyes,
Such things are often a sad disguise
I care for things that love has grown
In equal parts in my soil sown.
Nothing left to manhood’s sure
But what is given to love endures
So I toss those seeds into the ground
To see what type of love is found.
Gone tomorrow this day is true
Yet today is heaven spent with you
So I’ll sit and smile and pray for there
As the seeds left sown find open air.
In joyful prayer the silent sit
I’ve found the song my lyrics fit
It isn’t yet her cup to fill
So I just sit and love these moments still.
One day, perhaps, the song we’ll sing
Then fly away on lover’s wings
To dance in fields I always knew
The seeds left sown, I’d sown for you.
