I feel perhaps a fool
A fool of my own mind
My own dreams…my own emotions
Dancing circles in a square box.
I sit in the corner of this ring
No one with me as I stare across the box
There is my adversary, staring back at me
Laughing, “I own you.”
I feel a chill run down my spine
I cannot win this fight
I stand to answer the bell…alone
I know what is coming.
I portray an air of confidence
The path I have traveled has not prepared me
I’m not ready, my mind is in shambles
Even as the body is willing to give and take.
“I’ve been playing you”
I feel those words shoot across the cage
“And now you will die”
Or so the voice reminds me.
I look out at the mindless crowd
No friendly faces look back at me.
I’ve given them up for the fight I cannot win
And they in turn have done the same to me.
So I look, ready for my destiny.
Ready for the pain that is to come
Ready for the scars about to be created
Yet going to answer the bell regardless.
The bell, it rings.
The body, it presses on
The mind, it becomes numb
The heart cries out for what it must endure.
the end.
Category: Poetry Book (Page 5 of 9)
I remember
Walking alone in the park
By your house
Never have I felt so free
Or so stood so strong.
Down in the valley of fear
She said there’s nothing left to come upon
But echoes left
From stories told
In a field left alone not so long ago.
But in the morning’s waking
I reached out to empty air that screamed
A distant song
that came along in a moment
Not so proud.
It’s screaming…screaming
Walking this path it seems
the glimpses I see of her
Can’t fade away
There’s nothing I can do
To change the course this river flows
So I just lay here
an empty arm where she would be
I wonder why
I’m left to wonder why at all
I cry aloud
I’m dreaming…dreaming
I don’t worship you
I love you
I don’t need you
I want you.
Your lion sits and stares
Into your perfect eyes
I can feel your heartbeat through time and space
You have tamed the wild beast within me
Are to speaking to me?
If so know you have tamed me even through this wildness
I sit patiently, waiting, wanting, loving
Knowing there is but One for me even in the shadow of our uncertainty.
I have heard you have no doubt
Your words and deeds hold great weight for me
And I trust you beyond all prior comprehension
I give all faith to you.
I want to say “come early, do not wait”
I want to wrap my arms around you
Kiss you all over, be untamed if not for a moment lost in you
Explain in wordless action the bounty of this Love.
Please know me my Lover
Share with me it all and I will remain tamed forever
Even as my mane flows freely in the wind
You shall be the breeze that settles me in at night.
Please talk to me my Friend
Share with me more than I need to know
And be…with me even in moments of distant separation
You will never need look again as our hands remain as one.
Right now my Soul cries out your name
In pure Love, in a desire unique all to its own
Its a song only sung to you
Its notes unworthy of any other ear.
I give myself to you and ask
Can you give yourself to me
Or does this lion live some wild fantasy?
I remain perched while searching for your eyes.
Hoping that you’ll run to me
and I to you
So we can know what we need to know
and be more than “we” are this moment still.
I. Love. You.
In Spirit, in Deed, in wanting more
Your lion tamed by such a knowing
I humbly look for you.
Do not run from me my Lover
I am yours in love’s still harmony
Through fear’s disruptive frozen gaze
The fire burns brightly within.
I am a hunter no more when that sweet chime rings
Such a sound stills the wild beast
The lion tamed in sweet notes of harmony
I find myself in you.
I never thought I’d need
find protection from Her
To seek
shelter from Her or the song we sang
To find
protection from Her mind, Her thoughts
In a song of another kind.
The song was once so wonderful
Melodious and soothing to this Beast
Now that duet
Seems all out of key, lost in mindlessness
Not a bit in tune
Being played by two tone-deaf composers
Locked away in the corners of their own prison cells.
What does one do
When his song makes sense nowhere but within?
He sits and wonders, wishing he could rewrite the song
Knowing
This one seems so wrong, so out of touch
As if he is playing a guitar without its strings
He strums away with little result.
Is She playing him?
Time will tell if She shares his misery or is using it
When the She becomes a she, when the tide rolls out again
To know if that place they shared really mattered at all
Or if he had just become another David to Her
An out of tune piano
That no longer made Her want to sing.
For now he hopes, and he sings
Hoping his song will be meaningful to the One he loves
Doubt, hope, courage, fear
One big, sloppy chorus line
He pauses between the notes and listens
For Her reply
And in the silence looms…
Your Mountain has never crumbled
Even as the Earth shook It’s mighty base
It remains…standing firm
Waiting for the Sky to touch it one more time.
I sit…
Still…
Close my eyes and She appears
Still…
I sit…
That heart…
Embrace…
Open my arms and She engulfs me
Embrace…
That heart…
To Hers…
It falls..
A tear forms and gently rolls down my cheek
It falls…
To Hers…
She whispers…
Forgive…
My mouth forms words Her finger seeks to silence
Forgive…
She whispers…
And in love I sit…
Still.
I can feel you in the breeze
Blowing in my eyes
Creating a tear, caressing my face
Gently kissing my lips and reminding me of yesterday.
I can feel you in the Sunlight
Warming my skin
Allowing me to bask in the glow of Greatness
In this never-fleeting moment.
I can feel you in the sand
As it massages my feet
Providing me with a sense of where I am
Even if I am lost in temporary insanity.
I can feel you in the stillness
And see you clearly in the clouds
I smile knowing that we’ve been this way before
Even if we have never been this way before.
I can feel you in my dreams
Calling out to me, yes you are searching too
I call out as well, but silence is all I hear
You are deaf to my desire.
I can feel you in my asana
Along the line where comfort becomes something more
Pulling me upward, steadying my gaze
The world around me disappears.
I can feel you…
One day we shall meet
And you will know me as only a Lover can
You will smile as you feel me too.
You will say “I can feel you
Even as I closed my eyes you were there
As I reached out you grasped my hand
Before I knew you I knew you.”
I will say “My Lover
We have never been apart
I have held you in my heart even before the dawn of time
We have always known each other.”
You will feel me, and I will feel you
As if we were born a million years ago
And together we will forget the million tears we shed
Before this moment’s birth.
Behold your man
Your Mountain’s majesty, your Lion’s steady roar
And know that I am steadfast
Even as I will surely return to dust.
Enjoy this moment, do not rush to make it end
Feel me, take me, hold me
For I have learned a thousand lessons
To be with you in my own humanity.
I can feel you…
The glut and gloom from whence I came
Left a mighty strong sense of shame
And though used to trying times as these
Now I’d rather sit with mango trees.
Within I feel a calm lagoon
Though I think I won’t get there soon
I fall upon these tired knees
And look within for mango trees.
Once I could walk alone at last
There is no hope in time that’s passed
I see a fruit that sets me free
I need to find a mango tree.
Behold a gift to my surprise
Found in those two perfect eyes
My breath is stopped, my heart agrees
She’s there and planting mango trees.
I play a game I’ve lost within
It’s a game I do not wish to win
With a sense of strength unique to me
She takes me to a mango tree.
I scream, I kick, I start to fight
With tears she restores my mindful sight
She simply nods as says “just be”
I know I’ve found my mango tree.
In my mind I am laying next to you
Your head on my chest
Your hand gently caressing my arm
We are silent but for our breathing.
You whisper something I don’t need to hear
I can feel it in my Being
I whisper it in return with a tussle of your hair
As my fingers gently follow the contours of your face.
There are no questions in this dream
Our truth is the reality
This truth has set us free
And saved us from the freshly laid tokens of disgust.
You stir and bring your face to mine
Our lips embrace in a dance of pure honesty
Our eyes meet in the space between our thoughts
And instantly we forget we are human.
Your hair falls onto my face
Tickling my skin as our mouths speak silent words
Our hands hold tightly, our hips speak slightly
Even as our hearts sing loudly a song that fills eternity.
Such is Love eternal.
We sit together, anywhere…
Our bodies separate but One
Our minds wondering within the space we walk together
We feel, we touch, we know.
We talk about nothing at all
Or everything.
We laugh, we challenge, we speak our truth
Always knowing the love that shines in our eyes.
There is no fear in us
No games to play, no roles to engage
We find our truths and simply know
Because we walk together in the Light.
We are the Sharing
We are the confidence we feel in one another
We are the thought that brought us together
We have known the anger and have embraced the joy.
We walk in the woods hand in hand
Stopping to smell the essence of who we are
I brush a fly from your cheek
Your hand touches mine in return.
We lock eyes, we can’t escape this moment
As tears form in my eyes the words form in my Soul
“I love you”
Spoken from two hearts a truth insurmountable.
Such is Love eternal.
We argue about something
Or nothing at all.
We fight for who we are
But never lose sight of who We are.
We share our insecurities
And give each other our fears
Not as testaments to dependence
But as acknowledgments of a trust reborn.
We hang up, we go silent
Yet we are quick to forgive
Such forgiveness comes from a place
That sees our humanness for what it is.
I fall into your arms in exhausted revelry
Rejoicing in the beauty that I have found in you
Knowing that you have found the same in me
In that there is a beauty only gods could see.
Such is Love eternal.
We are imperfect and perfect One in the same
A spirit of two as One
In the knowing that one effects the other
Like the Earth effects her moon.
I pull your Oceans to and fro
You hold me in your grasp
A strength only known through the space between
We call moments of imperfection.
Yet despite all of this humanness
When you hold my hand I know sweet Divinity
When you look into my eyes I see Heaven itself
And when you lean on me I know that I am strong.
Such is Love eternal.
I cannot forget this moment of pure joy
The one that gave me this dream,
This moment with you unencumbered
By what we think.
I know what has given life to it
It is something deeper than my thoughts
Something more powerful than my imagination
Something that can change the Universe without an effort.
I know that as surely as I can now feel your hand in mine
And see your beautiful eyes through the tears forming in my own
That this is where I must be
I am home because my heart is with you.
I am grateful for such a powerful understanding
And know that while my mind works its wonders
My Heart is asking for a reprieve
It simply wants to bask in your presence.
If we see the same Sunrise
Tell me you feel it too
Tell me what is in your Soul
Your truth as only you can know it.
I will walk along with you
Sometimes kicking and screaming
Other times laughing and crying in joyful ecstasy
But it will be with you if your truth will allow.
Forgive me, for I know not what I do
In moments of weakness show me strength
In moments of strength show me tenderness
In moments of tenderness show me who I am.
Such is Love eternal.
I haven’t felt a beautiful poem in ages
All I’ve felt
Is judgement
Rejection
Denial.
I look at my wings
And am consumed in sadness
They have not been spread in a hundred years
My heart aches
My eyes well up in tortured agony.
I tried
Lord knows I’ve tried
But I was not good enough
She who helped me fly
Has only tied me to this tortured place.
I failed
Lord knows I’ve failed
I was not strong enough
“Bullshit” I say
I had strength enough for the two of us.
I look up to the Heavens
My halo dimmed
By the clouded sense of memory
I let loose
My tears falling like rain to the ground below.
I sit perched upon the Mountaintop
Viewing the flooded valleys
Filled by my lament
The bright-lit edges of the clouds blinding my eyes
The rays of hope highlighting the darkest clouds.
I stare at the place
Where she once sat
Alone I caress the hardened sand
It moves and returns to dust
Just as all things I once loved.
I look up to the Heavens and shout
“Take me, I have nothing left to prove!”
A ray of light shines down upon my face
And I laugh through those tears of tortured memory
Knowing that this is exactly what is left for me to do.
Have nothing to left to prove.
Have nothing left to need.
Have nothing left to seek.
God, I am so far from that place
As I sit in a huddled mess wishing she were here.
So I stand, and walk to the fragile cliff
I gaze at the jagged rocks far below
And then to the Heavens far above
And I realize I must fall in order to fly
I must hit the ground in order to reach the sky.
Will these wings take me Home?
I fear not, but I know not
All I know is that I must try
They must reach out and grab the air
They must breathe in a rush of destiny.
For now I just stare at this mighty cause
As I look back to that place
Somewhat hoping that she’d return
It’s the uncertainty that binds me to this prison
And a feeling that is begging me to stay.
I know I need to know before I go
This is where I am until I am here no longer
Fuck, what part of me asked for this dilemma?
The part of me that loves, that’s who
The part of me that had never known such joy.
So I sigh.
So I pray.
So I return and sit at this flimsy throne.
I cannot help who I am
I can only be the best version of it.
I can do better
I know I can.
I can make you laugh
Make you sing to the Universe sings your tune
I can love you.
I can let go
I know I can.
I can make you smile
While you hum the tune of love
You taught me not so long ago.
I can change
I know I can.
I can be the man you said you loved
While being the dream that makes you happy
If only you would give me such a chance.
I can…I can…
I fucking know I can
I shout to all who will listen
Until even the birds above
Laugh at my stupidity.
I fall to my knees
My hands shoulder the weight of my aching head
As tears stain the ground
And shouts cascade through the air around me
All I need is one, simple, loving touch.
Absence
Silence
Ignorance
Just bullshit games and empty words
I understand…I laugh at the premise.
In the confusion that is change
The mightiest of oaks split
The temples are destroyed
The ground shakes and the mountains die
It’s only confusing to the mind that is not made to understand it.
What is next I wonder?
I feel her coming to me, I need to be clear
This will not work and either will the alternative
But one must be the path I choose
As I stumble to the cliff.
I am strong
Much stronger than this
Some voice says to me in unchained defiance.
I have faced worse and fought
I have suffered more and survived
Fuck this shit, I am MAN.
Chuckle now…
I am but a boy
Lost in her arms, I have felt such greatness
It’s when she let go that I forgot who I was
and thus began the stumble to this cliff.
Come back! I shout
Stop being this and go back to that
Which version is the you you know in your finest hour?
Stop lying, and return
Stop lying, and just go
Whichever, just show me what is truth.
I feel a familiar touch upon my wings…
So I sit, so I stare.
It’s all I know I can do.
