Category: Poetry Book (Page 3 of 9)

Perhaps, I Am Your Son {A Poem}

October 9, 2013 / Tom

How did you discard me so easily?
Leave me by the curb,
On the other side of the dunes,
When all I wanted to do was swim with you in the sea?

How was I your son,
Yet now some wretched boy you pretend not to know,
Gone into some shell of his own,
A shell I cannot see yet can feel against the concepts in my mind?

Did I make it easy for you
To cut the ties that once bound us to our fantasy?
Did I teach you something I did not mean to
Or did you teach me something you had never found profound?

I am not a beaten man or a victim that you see,
Perhaps I walked away unwittingly
Perhaps I was just the oil in your cup of tea
Or perhaps the illusion was simply my cocoon.

Maybe in that time then
I was a chrysalis whose head was buried in the sand
A butterfly not yet ready to escape the illusion’s gravity
A pearl not yet found in the shell of my own mind.

Maybe I believed a lie
Yet I am not sure who told it best
So now I just breathe as your former son, brother
And you exist as those I used to know.

Perhaps it is not my heart I find
In broken pieces on the floor
Perhaps those tattered shards are nothing more
Than strands of silk that held me until these wings had grown.

Perhaps I was never part of you
Not born into certain certainty
But married kindly into some sort of tragic story told
Repeated over and over again in a mind letting go.

Perhaps these welts are not the wounds I feel
And these scars are not my enemy.
My friends are these memories that live within close proximity
My family is these lessons, the air that carries me.

So, perhaps I am your son,
Not born of you but still-born to you
Of you, beyond you
Crushed, I’ll be the fragrance on your shoe.

There is no greater freedom
Than lying naked on the floor
Drowning in a sea of tears and sweaty memories
Wishing is was different but loving that it is exactly as it is.

Perhaps we are but teachers and students still,
Yes, perhaps I am your son rejected,
Embraced by love beyond the fast illusion of who I was
Instead, becoming who I am.

The Senses (A Poem)

January 20, 2013 / Tom

♥

See me want you

See me want to fill you

See me want to take you

See me want to never let you go.

Hear me whisper to your soul

Hear me slowly tear away your layers

Hear me drop my guard and kiss away your tears

Hear me speak to you my innermost truth.

Feel me enter you

Feel all of me enter all of you

Feel me give you all of who I am

Feel me…now…then…forevermore

And accept me now in my weakness as you do in my perfection.

I smell your soul as I inhale

And smell the truth of all that is

The sweet fragrance of eternity

Arouses that part of me that can never die.

I taste you as you quench my thirst

That sweet knowing of a million yesterdays

And I bet you please don’t go

As I taste the bitter nectar of my own insecurity.

Feel me…and never let me go.

See me…and forever hold me in your heart.

Taste me and know that I am real.

Smell me…and let the fragrance forgive me of my sins.

Hear me…and take me beyond…beyond the music of my mind.

Into silence.

Let the sense take us into silence.

Let the tears wash us of our shelter

And the sweat cleanse us of our humanity.

∞

The Two Ice Cubes

December 22, 2012 / Tom

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You and I are like two ice cubes

We are separate and individual

Each our own yet each a part of the same water.

Then, we are removed from our tray

Placed by the Universe on the same glass

Embracing, knowing, melting.

And here we are, the two of us

Melting into a single puddle

While staying two in the same glass.

The puddle is where the love is

Where the two become One

A testament of a love discovered in the knowing.

We dance as the glass is stirred

Melting a little more with each passing note of the song

With each moment in the warmth of love.

Sometimes there is a chill

Because ice can be cold even in the warmth

Yet in the chill we can still melt, still find the puddle if that is what we desire.

Sometimes we clang against the glass

Not taking the shape of the wonder we are in

And there we find our misery.

The chill isn’t what defines us

It is our desire to find the transformation

As we change from the ice into the puddle of love.

Now, I melt a little further

And hope you’ll melt a little bit with me

Because where I find you touching me is where I want to be.

Now, I melt a little more

And hope that you’ll melt a little more as well

Because where we meet is where the magic is.

One day when we have surrendered

And we are but one puddle in the glass

We will then become the air.

And in the air we will find our liberation

We will find our boundless, loving liberty

Still One not needing any container.

And in the air we will find each other differently

Still touching, still holding, still loving

Becoming the dance, the song, the holy melody.

We will float high into the sky

Together, hardly seen by the naked eye

Yet being seen by all just the same.

We may never remember the tray

Or the glass where we found each other

But the puddle we will never forget.

The air we embrace will be our reminder

The way we touch will be our loving testimony

That nothing changes love, but love changes everything.

Embrace me now my lover

And melt with me a little more.

Let me feel your embrace through the chill

Let me know your desire through the puddle that we share.

And melt a little further…and further still

As we head toward our shared destiny.

She Says {Poetry}

December 9, 2012 / Tom

Yes, I know…she says

And I forgive you

I forgive the rashness of your passion

I forgive the deepness of your pain

And I am here…

Yes, I know…she says

And I love you

Despite the blood that trickles from your wounds

And the tears that stain my pillow

I am here…and I will never leave.

There is no place I’d rather be…she says

My lover, my Lion, my man

For I know you’d never leave me

Even as the words spill from your frothing mouth

I am here…you are loved.

You are my greatest joy…I say

And my deepest sorrow and will surely to be the death of me

I reach out to empty air

And wonder where you are and why the silence reigns

I am nowhere…

Do not worry, my love…she says

For I know you – all of you

I can see the beauty in our embrace

I can feel the power in our dance

I know the truth when you say nothing at all

And I am here…and I love you.

Then why can I not see you?…I say

Why is your soul no longer speaking to me?

Why am I alone in the silence of this hell

drowning in the salty sea of this sobbing heart

smelling nothing but my rotting flesh?

You can see me…she says

As the tears cross your eyes and the sobs escape your lips

I am there…right there

With each piece of your breaking heart that lands in the sea

I am there…the water itself.

And I say

Then as the night turns into day

And my mind is driven into the depths of hellish agony

I will drown here…in you…the sea of the only truth I’ve ever known

I am here…and I love you too.

Goodbye, my love…she says.

Know that I am Real

November 30, 2012 / Tom

After the coldest of nights

The slightest whisper from the Sun

Sets my soul on fire…

In its absence I feel the coldness

The numbness

The night continues beyond the dawn.

The night is something we cannot fight

Even if we search for the Sun within our own horizon

The night invades where the wounds are deepest.

Now, the coldest night drags on

The frigid wind of silence courses through my veins

In a lonely song of anger’s wrath.

Goodnight, sweet prince

To time and love you bow your soul

You kneel before the flame’s own altar.

To remember…to feign the air of ignorance is unholy

To love…to pretend to need it not is a lie

To want…the thirst continues as parched lips call your name.

Forgive me my moments of weakness

My mind’s own self-destructive prophesy

And know what I am even before my eyes can see it.

Now Sun, rise from above the darkened mountaintops!

Find me here, waiting as I’ve always been

And know that I am real.

Three Weeks…Or so (Poem)

October 25, 2012 / Tom

It’s been three weeks

Or so…

Since the bomb went off

Since the ocean waves destroyed my little village

My safe haven

That place I called “home”.

It’s been three weeks

Or so…

Since the torrent of tears rained down

Staining the very ground we walked on

That little spot

Where Heaven met the Earth.

And now through the mud and muck

Comes a flower

Seeding the barren landscape with hope

Bringing color to the darkened mind

A spark of light

That has ignited a raging inferno.

Those three weeks

Or so…

Expanded a Universe from an atom to infinity

Changing time and space as it grew

Transformation

From deep pain to unbridled understanding.

Such pain have I inflicted

In those three weeks, or so

Water cannot pretend to be such hardened stone

For long

Until the cracks appear and the drops spill forth

And the tears define who we have become.

No more…I say, I shout to Heaven above

I dig my heels into soil of a different type

Soil that suits me better

The soil of Love on which I stand

A bit taller…a bit straighter…
A bit more knowing who I am.

Now, to shine.

For it’s been three weeks

Or so…

Since the clouds came and rained on my insanity

Now, the Sun has returned

And I will not let it go again.

The Leaf (Poem)

October 16, 2012 / Tom

I’ve done my job

And as the end slowly comes

I will do my job again

And fall lightly to my Home.

I’ve rustled through the breeze

And sang loudly through the winds of change.

I’ve given you shade

When you needed a break from the midday Sun.

You’ve given life to me,

So that I could give life to you, my Tree.

Now the seasons are changing

And it’s time for me to change as well.

I’ve grown old to you

Another spring I shall not know

In your embrace.

You once held me so that I knew I could touch the sky

You once lifted me up so that I could see it all

And held me firm when the storm clouds came.

But now you’re letting go

In your release I cry shades of red

Of yellow and hues somewhere in between.

Where we once held firm against the storm

Now the slightest breeze tears us further apart.

Where I once danced in the Sun

I now wilt and seek refuge.

Where I was once supple

I am now dry and brittle to the touch.

Yet I have done my job.

And I will continue to do my job

As I fall lightly to the Earth

To feed you once again.

Part of me in the decay will spawn another leaf

In another time

In your place, the place I loved to be.

And you will dance in the breeze, and sing a song

So the Dream Goes (Where you find Hope)

October 12, 2012 / Tom

Soften

And ride the wave back to me

Release

So that I fit into your arms again

Let go

So that my fingers can slide between your own

Fall

So that I may catch you

Let me fall

Into your waiting arms

Come

So that I may see that you are real.

So the dream goes

The happiest parts of me are revealed

I can laugh, I can sing

I can hear your voice in everything

So the dream goes

The sunrise actually means something

I go back to then and remember when

I can feel your head on my shoulder again.

Know

That it’s not in me to let go

Feel

This beating heart is not forever

Time

Is but a gift for us to squander.

Believe

That I will never let you down

Rely

And I’ll be standing by your side

Surrender

We will never lose again.

So the dream goes

We make love under the moon

I know why I can fly

Carried by love’s holy sigh

So the dream goes

I become more than me

It’s true, who knew

The best of me is not in you.

The Truth ↔ Continues

To wander through this life without ever really discovering who you are is a sin. Pain allows you to see it clearly if you simply stop focusing on the pain and find what it reveals. Imagine falling asleep in such despair only to find your dreams are within you. You can hear your lover’s voice again, you can see her clearly nestled against you. She loves you so much, with such a truth and strength that lets you know you will never walk alone.

Yes, you laugh, you stand straighter, you fly in your dreams. Your soul speaks to you there, it lets you know what you need to know in order to find faith. Some faith. In some thing.

I found faith in me in this moment. It will be tested as I walk alone through the dark pathways of my mind. It will be shaken as time unfolds this destiny. Yet I know, actually I still think, I am loved but it’s becoming more clear. In my dreams I know it, not just because of her hand in mine or her body suggesting nothing else is possible, but because I know it. Period. I am loved because I love myself. Or at least I am beginning to.

This is not to say that she doesn’t matter. This is not to say that the tears rolling down my cheeks aren’t real. It is to say that because I know what love feels like with her that I know I want to feel that for me. Yes, I want to love me.

Imagine that no matter what I do I can still accept me.

Imagine not hating myself.

Imagine knowing I am good enough to hold your attention.

Imagine riding on the train of our lives together and being secure enough to simply tell you, “I want you next to me…” and knowing you will come. That there is no test, there is only love.

I can imagine all of those things, and I want them. I will have them. The little boy is loved, this young man is loved, I am loved. By me. And then hopefully, by you.

The phone rings.

Yes, it is a gift to hear your voice. I asked and I received.

Love can show itself when you need it most. It has and I accept. When the ebb and flow of the mind tosses you around like a goldfish in the sea it is love, trust, that gets you to the shore if it is the shoreline that you seek. It will also have you crashing into the rocks if it is the rocks you seek. Whatever you ask for you receive, and whatever you seek you will find.

So now I love that little boy in me, the one who never felt it from anywhere, and I say, “come with me buddy, let’s go get a workout in.” I won’t reject him again as so many others have. He will feel a love unending. He will feel acceptance that has no bounds. He did nothing wrong. He is awesome. He is greatness personified.

Yes, as I type that the release is tremendous. Tears flow like a waterfall. Cries come from somewhere within me. I realize I hurt there more than anywhere. That poor boy, he is beautiful, kind, loving, funny and did nothing wrong. He didn’t deserve anything he got. Now, he is being loved for the first time in any memory.

That little boy smiles and laughs with excitement at the suggestion. You love me he says…yes I do I reply. He hugs me and I hug him. Tightly. We aren’t letting go. I am sorry I let you down he says. Tears are my reply. I’m sorry I wasn’t better he says. You were great is my answer. You were strong. You didn’t fail. You won’t fail. He sobs like I’ve never seen another human being sob. I wanted to be perfect he says. I wanted to make them happy, make you happy. Why didn’t anyone love me? What did I do? Nothing I say. You did nothing. They did it. It was them, not you. Don’t own what they did, give it back to them. Wrap it in a nice box with nice paper and give it back to them. It’s theirs. Not ours. We have each other, you and I. And we are perfect.

I start to sob uncontrollably. Yes, I love this little boy. I love me. We may have to delay our trip to the gym…swollen, bloodshot eyes don’t necessarily go over well in a public setting. For now, I will just hold me and love me and begin the process of giving back what is not mine and claiming what is. Me and this little boy are ready. Turning around and taking a step is still taking a step forward.

We have found each other here among the tears and the tattered remains of what was. We feel strong, and know that we have much to be grateful for. The river that Love set in motion beckons us, and we are ready to dive in. We look at each other squarely in the eyes. I ask, what shall we name this place?

Hope is his reply. So, Hope it is.

State of Confusion

October 9, 2012 / Tom

From the tired mind:

I know I am not worth it

You have better things to do

Better people to struggle with

Or to not struggle at all.

This is just too much

For love is a fleeting thing

Like a butterfly that has tired of a flower

Or a bird scared from its perch.

The song stops

The sun sets

The leaves change and wilt away

And to dust we all return.

Yet the glow of knowing I am better than this

And deserve more

Should get more

Permeates this tired mind.

I know I will do the work

And cross the finish line with or without her

Her loss if she goes

Her loss if she walks away.

I don’t need to beg

Or to get her friends’ permission

To be who I am

When she looks into my eyes and sees the truth.

No, I just need to keep loving

And this fear will end soon enough

If she goes, she goes

The void will remind me of where she once resided.

Yes, I love her

And her rejection stings me to my bones

Yes I need her

And her lack of need in me has taken me apart.

From the unsure heart:

You are destined to be alone

And to have your unworthiness proven

For someone you valued beyond words

Has turned her back and walked away.

Gone

It’s just too much for her to bear

The cross too heavy has splintered on the ground

Where she dropped it, unforgiving in the end.

You deserve this

You have always deserved this

Each scar upon your aging skin

A reminder of just what you deserve.

Grow cold, my friend

For better to be a stone weathered by the sand

Than an Angel drowning in the sea

Whose wings were clipped by an arrow shot long ago.

But wait, you don’t deserve this

You deserve compassion and acceptance

As you work to end the pain

And heal the wounds you never created.

You should feel unrestrained love

As you give of yourself in the midst of uncertainty

She should be extending her hand in love

Not rejecting yours in the anger that feeds your reaction.

Hold true, it’s coming

You future is upon you now

Your love will be rewarded

And your past will fade into a distant memory.

To that little boy:

Do not be sorry

But allow me to love you

Now…then…beyond these tears

As we go back in time to heal the present.

Do not feel guilty

For the pain you have endured

Is not that cause of the pain this man feels

It is necessary on the pathway to greatness.

She left him

As he struggled to heal the wounds

Caused by those who should own the agony

As he leaves it all behind.

You are perfect

My little me…perfect beyond words

Endure, be strong, you are loved

Even if not by the object of your affection.

Do not take ownership of what they do to you

Or what they show you

Let them keep the pain all upon themselves

As you move into the world beyond their hell.

To the knowing Soul:

Heal me, and make it right

Allow the light to enter

Right where that bandaged place resides

And let it shine beyond.

Let this pain subside

So that I can feel the rightness

Out of the wrongness

And know that I am real.

And worthy.

And loved.

And love.

Give me strength to accept another

And lose memory of the love lost forever

Let the sting of rejection heal

And the passion once again return to these weary bones.

Lies

October 5, 2012 / Tom

Left adrift upon the ocean

Curse the tide…fighting for the shore

In windy hell the storm clouds rain

Can’t offer something more

Seek the mountain through the valley

Ride the sky that you adore

Crash and burn in time…the mountainside

Falling through the door.

Words of concern roll into the ether

Her reply…bitter to the taste

He swallowed down the pill she gave to him

He’s a big, big waste.

Shadows in the open

Mark the time he hit the strings

Found the music out of tune…he played

Heard the lies in everything

For certain paid the Devil

Looked into what she said

Found that he could not trust a thing

The song echoes in his head.

Wicked is the ocean

Adrift like he was before

Silently the winds of hell they came

And pushed him to the floor.