Category: MG (Page 8 of 11)

A Fool (An 11/11 renewal)

November 10, 2018 / Tom

I feel like a fool.
For she takes my preconceived notions,
And twists them,
Crushes them,
Pulverizes them to dust before my eyes.

All my childish notions,
All my child-like fears,
Vanish in the instance of her arrival.
For there in the face of her,
That beauty born is blood to my wretched heart.

Everything she says,
Everything she feels,
Echoes in the caverns of my soul,
As if she was etched on the canvas of my life,
Long before either of us was born.

Now I stand,
Naked and humbled in front of this altar,
A tear blazing a trail upon my face,
Awed in the face of what I thought I knew,
For I called, and she came, and what a prayer it’s been.

Today, a renewal,
As the sultry sun rises on a snowy scene,
I beg for her presence, and she’s there,
My hand upon my chest, her name on my breath,
We watch the scene together.

In the moment we were each conceived,
A promise of our reunion was born again,
The trail blazed in loving-colored green,
Scented marigolds pointing the way,
To that willow tree where a testament is given.

I say hello to the promise of this moment,
Goodbye to the shallow horror of the past,
Let’s be rooted here like the tree that we stand under,
Blowing in the breeze like its strands of branches,
Cascading down raising goosebumps on our skin.

Kiss me now, for I am not a fool,
I am simply a man in love with you.

Rumi Speaks

November 9, 2018 / Tom

“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I’ll meet you there.
When the soul lies down in that grass
the world is too full to talk about.” ~Rumi

That grass. That golden grass. Sweet to the skin and comforting to the soul. That is love, a magical and unexplainable sense of plush support that redirects the mind to the heart. Meet me there, and lay with me under the Spring Sun, counting butterflies when they pass as we lose ourself in the truth of our union. The fire that lit our way to each other burns brightly still. The well-lit yet sometimes twisting path is lit under that single flame as two souls lay on the same grass on the same field, contemplating the possibilities. There, the fullness of truth leaves us speechless yet full of Love’s sweet word.

“I want to see you.

Know your voice.

Recognize you when you
first come ’round the corner.

Sense your scent when I come
into a room you’ve just left.

Know the lift of your heel,
the glide of your foot.

Become familiar with the way
you purse your lips
then let them part,
just the slightest bit,
when I lean in to your space
and kiss you.

I want to know the joy
of how you whisper
“more” ~Rumi

Oh, Love, such sweet truth! To know you in the was the Earth bends to your weight, how my soul bends to your lips. To know! To know! To know such amazing heights as to fly in love with you! To know the safety of our space, the joys of our flow stream, and the breadth of our own transcendence is the truth of our existence. Could God exist beyond a single touch of your fingers on my skin? Could heaven be anywhere but within the space we share? Sure, to know…oh to know this truth realized in the joys of our own anticipation. I simply long for the taste…

“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” ~Rumi

Please, do not overly concern yourself with my mind. May my heart beat so loudly as you never hear my fears, or see my trembling, or feel my quakes with the rising Sun. You are the flow that sets my heart to bleed love and truth on pages strewn about my world. You are the truth I’ve been made to realize as I dance when no one is looking to music very few would understand.

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” ~Rumi

This flow…remarkable in its intention and wonderful in its promise… has taken a hold of me. Winding through the forests and deserts birthed in a lifetime, I feel the pull of something beautiful as it awakens me. Out of the comfortable box I go, thrown about like a leaf in a storm, to enjoy the sight and scent of you. Give me time to adjust to my new surroundings, and love to remind me of why I am there. Do not change a thing, the leaf needs the wind and the ground and the spring to be itself, and I have no intention of grasping a twig when I have such a tree to embrace. Just love, reminded of what pulled you to write words of truth, to grow wings and fly, and to meet me in spaces you had never seen before. Remember that graceful pull that led you into such a sweet embrace, into such a miraculous kiss, into eternity.

“I didn’t come here of my own accord, and I can’t leave that way.
Whoever brought me here will have to take me home.” ~Rumi

Yes.

The New Tortoise and Hare Story

November 7, 2018 / Tom

We’ve all heard the story of the tortoise and the hare. We’ve heard how overconfidence defeats even the most able (the hare), and how just working within yourself can lead to great things (the tortoise). It’s a wonderful story.

But what happens if neither the tortoise nor the hare cares about winning? What happens if both just want to arrive at the finish line together enjoying the journey they’ve taken to arrive?

I’d say that’s an even more amazing story.

Confidence would have no place in this new story. A desire to prove something would neither be necessary nor appropriate. It would just be a story of two beings who had found each other, enjoying the journey and each step they shared along the way. Both would have their own story prior to the arriving at the starting line, but that would change the moment the starting pistol sounded. From that moment on, two individuals would work together to achieve their common objective. utilizing their pasts toward a great future in each present moment step they made.

Sometimes the hare, in his natural state, would want to sprint faster than the tortoise. The tortoise, in her natural state of careful slowness, would sometimes need the pace slowed. Both would accommodate the other, sometimes one slowing down and sometimes one speeding up. In this state of love and awareness, neither would need this to be a victory, yet both would be victorious when crossing the finish line as long as they crossed it together.

A shared victory is the one where lovers arrive at the same time, in a way that honors both the love they share and the commitment to the heart within them. A warrior’s true victory is one he achieves in love, the one he achieves in both honoring himself and the love who stands beside him.

Yes, I am working on this new version of the classic. I want to make this a love story, one where differences can both be honored and celebrated in the love that the “race” represents. It becomes less of a race and more of a journey, one honoring love despite differences.

It will be available soon, and I will post about it when it is ready.

November 4, 2018 / Tom

I asked to be filled with what I need to know. I was instructed to write this down, and share it as it was offered.

Tears.

You are I are shrouded in white. You have a golden flower in your hair, and I see the brightness of your smile. There are no words, just you and just me, standing face to face in joy and contentment.

You take my hand. You recite to me words you’ve written, yet you need to look at nothing. I can feel your grip get tighter when you get to certain parts, but you look into my eyes and courageously say the words that love has transcribed.

You never let go of my hand. Through blurry eyes I just gaze at you, my heart both settled and excited in the moment. You have come home to me, and without question know this we belong in this space together. I recite words to you, written in my heart and shared with no one else. I can see a tear of joy flow down your cheek, for finally it has all be worth it.

We just stand there for a moment, taking in the absolute bliss of the end of one journey and the beginning of another. Our hands belong together, and our lips beg for a kiss. You lean in as I touch your face, kissing you softly with a tenderness of a man in love. I kiss the tears on your cheek, and together we both know we have been healed.

I ask you if you are happy. You say you’ve never been happier. You ask me the same, I have no words but these.

I once saw a mist in the heavens, and asked it for its name. 
I once reached out to empty air, and found emptiness the same,
I once remembered in my night, the starry sky above,
And in an instant here you stood, I had finally found true love.

No shroud could ever withstand the heat of this destiny, and soon the whiteness faded into vibrant color. We turned and walked toward the lake, and I realized we were standing on the dock. The mountains mirrored on the calm surface, and a couple of herons landed in the distance.

You put your head on my shoulder, our hands united as the Sun embraced us with its warmth. More tender, private words spoken in this moment.

“She’s coming,” said they. “Be ready…”

Round Peg, Round Hole (A Conversation at the Altar Stone)

November 4, 2018 / Tom

Sometimes we walk forever just to find that one spot we can all home.

So, I’ve walked. I’ve walked a hundred million miles, sometimes wearing shoes that will never fit and sometimes wearing no shoes at all. Life, for me, is a varying degree of shelter and openness, of solitude and a deep desire for my soul’s companion.

“What do I need to do?” I ask the Ether. “Teach me.”

I am gifted with a vision. In it, I am there, in front of a board with a single round hole. In my hand is a single, green peg. It is obvious that the peg was made for the hole, of that I had no question in my mind.

“Now, put the peg in the hole,” they said. I did as instructed.

I could feel resistance. The resistance became unnatural, surprising, and I began to feel upset at the two not going together as expected. I began to push harder, to which there was an equal increase in the resistance.

“I don’t get it,” I said. “This is supposed to be easy.”

“So you’d think. However, what is all of this ‘supposed’? Who said it was supposed to be easy?”

“They seem to be perfect for one another. It should just fit. It should take no work at all.”

“Again, so you’d think. However, what is making it harder is your expectation. You expect it to be easy, and at the first feeling of unexpected resistance you begin to push harder. In reality, you are creating your own resistance, and that is increasing the work needed to make what should fit, fit.

Try it again, this time let go of what you believe should happen and just do your part. Have little concern for what the other should be doing.”

I reinserted the peg, this time having no idea what would happen nor any attachment to the outcome. The peg slid in easy, exposing the perfection of the union.

“See. What is meant to be takes little work. There is always effort involved, but little work.”

“What’s the difference?” I asked.

“Effort is natural. When flowers bloom, that is an effort. The Sun rising is an effort. Leaves changing colors is an effort. However, it isn’t work. Effort is natural and in the flow of truth, work is something that takes us away from our truth and into the real of expectations. Effort is your putting the peg in the hole, work is forcing it in. Things fit, naturally with no work. That’s when you know you’re in flow.”

I thought about that for a moment. I understood the point, but questions arose as to its practicality

“But how do I just let go of everything like that? I have wants, needs, desires…”

“Yes, you do. Imagine how boring your experience of being human would be if you didn’t! Effort is in accepting those human things when work would involve repressing them. The real question must be, how do those things serve you?”

“I am not sure.”

“They allow you to be human. You are, after all, a human. The spirit you now and love, the very thing you feel flowing through you right now, is what is having the experience through you. We want you to have this experience. We need you to.

Consider this. You are so loved, just as you are. If your humanity is causing no harm, and is an expression of the love within you, you must let it guide you. It may create pain in your existence, but it will serve you. Trust us, trust it, and trust that part of you that knows it.”

My mind took me back to moments when I refused myself, when I denied those things that I knew to be true. I was reminded of the suffering that resulted.

“I get it. I must trust myself in order to create the life experience I want to have.”

“Exactly. Your Love isn’t in love with you because of some idea of you. Love sees you as you are, and needs you to be exactly that. Your lives are joined, always have been. The lessons have been learned, and now you are a part of each other’s path, of each other’s lesson, of each other’s experience. You’ve been tested, and you know your truth. She sees your truth, and loves you for it. You owe her that truth because she will grow in your truth, and you will grow in hers. You are no longer meant to go it alone, even in those moments when you enjoy your solitude. For both of you, there will always be a returning home, regardless of the moments you spend outside of it. We’ve kept you apart until that moment when you needed each other, to be in each other’s presence. That time has come.”

“Ok. Thank you.”

“No need. We are not done yet. There is more to come. This a time of enormous growth for you both. We will not forsake you, we will be here for you. Such is the power of your union.

Just remember. Round hole, round peg. There is no need for resistance. You will, however, experience it. Both of you will. When you do, turn to each other. That’s the beauty of your meeting. There is no need, other than choice, to go it alone. Try it.”

“I will. You’ve given me much to think about.”

“Don’t. Your thinking about it is meaningless. Feel it. Try it. Confide in her. She’s ready. Trust this process, and the instincts we’ve blessed you with.”

“Ok. It’s been a great walk.”

“Yes, it has.”

Red Cardinal

November 2, 2018 / Tom

That there is true love all around,
Fearless it shall be,
Blanketing me in waves of green,
The heart jumps though it can't see.

Who am I to question?
Lip bitten, red droplets to the ground,
Sprout loving life where they land,
Red marigolds I've found.

I seek something I know is near,
Fragrance bathes my heart in gold.
A Red Cardinal lands on an empty bench,
"Come, sit with me," I'm told.

I heard him sing a little bit,
A melody so wanted in its making,
The Beast within me soothed once more,
A true lesson for the taking.

"You've walked so long and fought so hard,
You've finally arrived,
Do not cede this space for anything,
No thought or fear contrived.

The wounds, my son, have finally healed,
Why open them again?
The truth is right before your eyes,
There is nothing left to mend.

The plight of others is not your fault,
Just give it all you've got,
For in the end that's all you have,
Don't make things what they're not.

For as long as love resides in you,
The pain, it will subside,
For flowers sprout right where you stand,
Fertile tears are what you've cried.

I've flown so far to tell you this,
For we've always known your heart,
And when true Love does trust in this,
You will never be apart."

I sat with that a little while,
Knowing all he said was true,
For when set free a bird in love,
Will always fly back to you.

I watched as he took off in flight,
I swear I heard him say,
"Don't be sad when you're alone,
Sometimes things are meant this way."

I turned and walked from that spot,
I knew I was blessed to be,
And when fatigued I found a spot,
Beneath a willow tree.

With heavy heart and aching soul,
Exhausted I did fall,
Yet no final bell had rung that day,
I hadn't given it my all.

I breathed, I sighed, I even cried,
There are some words I'd love to hear,
Yet in the end that willow tree,
Was all I could find near.

I pulled and threw some golden grass,
Watched blades surrender to the breeze,
Soon winter would finally come to me,
And all of this would freeze.

I stood up tall and stretched a bit,
Caressed the tree with an open thumb,
Perhaps life would be so much easier,
If I felt completely numb.

To find that strength, and pull away,
Let destiny decide,
I left my heart in some other place,
I could not find inside.

In each of us there is a place,
It may look just like a cave,
One thing I've found that is for sure,
It isn't necessarily a grave.

Refreshed I stood and then I turned,
And whispered to the tree,
"Willow my sweet angel true,
Your love has set me free."

I turned to watch the Sun come up,
A soft branch caressed my face,
I knew in our instant shared,
I had found a sacred space.

For trusting trees and golden grass,
Has never been my way,
Yet in that space something changed,
I carry to this day.

For once someone loves and trusts you so,
Though frightened she me seem,
She is the greatest light of strength,
That you have ever seen.

So never take for granted this,
When your mind is wracked with strife,
That a Red Cardinal may sit with you,
And help you change your life.

Unkind Night

November 1, 2018 / Tom

The night can be so unkind.

I can hear you, but I can’t touch you. I can see your face, but only when my eyes close to take me away from here. I can hold you, but only when my heart imagines that I am far away…

…next to you. Holding you tightly. Telling you I love you without even saying a word. You knowing it without ever having to open your eyes. Sacred in those spaces, my dreams remind me of your absence, while my heart slowly bleeds with every thought of you.

Pieces of me fall away, and I am left flayed open on the floor. Demons of the night remind me that perhaps such dreams are left for other men. Men who would squander their chance, and throw away this dream for whims and whispers. Time has taught me the value of the promise that is this love, and if I remain so fortunate to have you love me that promise shall never be broken.

Give me hope, my love. Give me that sharpened sword to slay these demons that besiege me in the night. Caress me in the way you do, arise in me the fire that lights the way home. Show me the star that guides me back to you and I shall follow it for eternity. Fan the winds of love that fill my lonely sails and I shall follow those winds to eternity.

Shout my name from high above and feel me hold your heart forever. Write our names upon the bluest skies so that even God can see. Know that though my limbs seem weak at this moment, the strength within me remains intact. Know that when your demons come you can count on me to hold your space or slay them where they stand. Know that when the air becomes too thin my arms were made to carry you. Know that when the moments darkest to the eyes arrive, you will feel my hand in yours and you will never doubt that place again.

These struggles are both a curse and an opportunity. I rise to this challenge, and beg those demons face me. I seek no shelter from this storm save your loving heart, and I seek no surrender from the test save that moment when you arrive. Then, the sword and shield shall fall to the ground and I will hold you. As it was meant to be.

In you I have found safe harbor, and with you I have found the way home. Worry not, your man was built to endure without a shred of falter in his quest. So while this night may be unkind know that all I need do is breathe in your name, close my eyes to see your face, and snarl in the face of such oppressors. Slay them I shall, and then I shall carve your name on their chests just to see their hearts melt as mine has. That is the power of love both destined and gifted to our two mortal hearts by the gods themselves.

No truth exists greater than I love you. Now, off to the battle surely to be waged.

Love Dialog (Working Title)

October 31, 2018 / Tom

In the moment of torment, I write. But I also write in the moment of bliss.

Which moment is this? Sometimes they are the same.

Love has come to me. It has come to me in the most beautiful way I know. Deeply spiritual, it reminds me of something strange in it familiarity. I’ve known this Love before, just not in this lifetime.

Dear God, help me remember. Help me understand. Help me get out of my own way.

Oh, Tom. You beautiful soul. You are a Being simply being human. What you focus on is your business. You are the master of your experience, now get to experiencing. Do not abdicate control of your ship to the currents without a fight. You have not been created to surrender to your mind unless you choose to. It’s all perfect, we have prepared you for this each and every day of your life. Now, it is up to you to decide which port you sail to; the one where fear resides or the one where you found Love.

How do I decide? I feel so confused.

You are there already, you just don’t know it yet. You made this choice long ago, even before your birth. You are conflicted because of what has happened since you made the choice. Those distractions are what are torturing you now. You think about changing your mind, but your mind is the problem. You cannot change your heart, you can only break it through the mental stones you through at it. Is that what you’ve spent your life struggling for? To break your own heart with stones on which past images are painted?

No. I am afraid.

Afraid of what, my love? Afraid of what may happen? Silly, isn’t it. Look at what is happening. The sea is calm where you are. The Sun is shining. The gulls are singing across your bow and the ship is seaworthy. You have nourishment. You are loved. What are you afraid of?

I don’t know…

Oh, you know alright. You begin being afraid by being afraid to admit it.

It’s hard…

I don’t get it. It’s hard to let it out and easier to keep it in? See stones in your mind, those painted with the past, serve two purposed. First, you throw them at your heart and often break it in the process. Second, you build walls with them. You think you are safe behind them when, in reality, you are in more danger there than anywhere outside of them.

How so?

What infests within those walls can kill you. They can eat you alive. They can infect you. Sure, there is danger outside of those walls, but it pales in comparison to the danger that lurks inside of it. The whole reason those walls were built is an infestation. You were built to run wild in the forest, and sail wildly on the sea. You were not created to hide behind walls of any kind, so living contrary to your purpose will be the end of you.

I understand.

So, what are you afraid of?

Come on, you can do it…

I paused for a long breath. Sometimes crossing a threshold of a door you’ve kept closed for a lifetime is harder than just staying in the room you’ve rotted away in. Yet, I’ve never been able to do things the easy way.

Tommy, are you still with us?

Yes.

Trust us. We know what we are doing.

Fine. I am afraid of the pain. I am afraid of the sadness. I am afraid of not being good enough, of failing the one I love, of being discarded, of not being strong enough. I’m afraid I may not survive. I’m afraid I may crumble. I’m afraid of dying unloved. I’m afraid of fucking losing my heart. I’m afraid, ok? Nothing scares me but this.

But you have felt this way before, right? When you were a firefighter?

Yes, I trained hard because I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to save someone. I was afraid of failing them and the ones that love them. There was a difference though. I didn’t put them in their situation. I didn’t cause the problem.

But you were there to save them, no?

Yes.

And when you couldn’t?

It broke me up inside. I would apologize to nothing each and every time. I would hide my sorrow, but I it would affect me to my core. I would try to figure out what I could have done differently to save them.

And?

There was nothing. Nothing I could do. I was helpless. Fuck…helpless.

Like when you were a boy?

Fuck you.

Stay with us here. You’ve got this.

Yes, like when I was a boy.

Do you feel helpless in love?

Sometimes. Sometimes I feel empowered.

What makes the difference?

Another long pause. Courage sometimes needs to be mustered, especially when you’ve known the answer for so long and never wanted to admit it.

Being considered. Or not.

Again, like when you were a boy and a young man?

Yes, exactly like that.

We remember. So, when you are not considered you feel unloved?

I guess so.

Tommy…

Fine, yes.

But you do know that you are always considered?

In my heart I do. In my mind, not so much. I get it though, my mind is breaking my heart, destroying what it knows. Yes, I know I am considered.

If you ever need proof, our Son, remember that you are alive. Every living thing is considered. Every living thing is special. Your creation is a testament of how highly you are considered.

I get it.

People may not consider you. Mostly, it’s because they don’t feel considered themselves. You know that adage saying that in order to love others you need to love yourself? That is true with everything that has to do with your experience. If you believe it, you will project it. Do not worry, your Love considers you. Your Love values you as much as Love values herself.

Ok.

Tommy, do you trust yourself?

Huh?

Do you trust yourself?

Usually. Yes.

We’d suggest that in those moments when you are not trusting your Love and the process, you are not trusting yourself. You are losing faith in you and, in turn, losing faith in Love. Go back to Love. Have faith in yourself in love. Trust yourself in all you’ve done and will do. Don’t let the mind throw stones or build walls, and guess what will happen.

What?

Love in eternity. She’s waiting for you there.

Life is Love

October 29, 2018 / Tom

The beauty of a simple life.

Life is sitting on a bench with you, writing stories that never end. Life is walking on paths with you that seem to go on forever, laughing about the simple things and imagining ourselves as the older couple we see walking up ahead. Life is togetherness. Life is love. Life is living a simple truth no matter how complicated it seems to be.

Life is kissing your neck when the Sun rises us from sleep. Life is holding you in moments of despair, of joy, of triumph and of tragedy. Life is holding space for you when the second-hand seems too loud. Life is cooking for you when you are tired, caring for you when you are ill, and standing next to you when it seems the world has turned against us. Life is being your anchor when the world around us shakes us to our core.

Life is running down to meet you with an umbrella in the rain and clearing your car after a snowfall. Life is getting under that cozy blanket with you when the cold winds howl. Life is feeling that harmless snowball hit me in the back, and then seeing the footprints we leave behind as I chase you for the win. Life is drawing hearts in the snow and sand with your name on it, and that kiss you give me when you read the message I leave that only you could understand.

Life is hearing you read a passage from a book you love, and watching you paint a picture from the other room. Life is answering your call, and feeling you stir when you fall asleep beside me. Life is seeing your excitement when you’ve shared that something new, and in marveling at your perfection when you crumple exhausted on a chair.

Life is waiting for you as you wonder through the fields you much travel. I want to slow down when the seas become too rough. I want to sit in silence with the words have been too many. I want to be there when you finally figure it all out, and rejoice with you when the answers seem to make perfect sense. Life is when you wrap your arms around me as you realize over and over again, that we were created to share in this simple life. Together.

Life resounds in honoring you, in hearing what you need and always doing my best not to fail you. Life is sitting in awe of you, in the way you do your thing, even when I can’t understand the process. Life is trying my best to understand, even when my mind can’t grasp it all.

In life we find love and in love we find life. I found life in loving you, and found loving you in life. Two connected things are certain gifts of the Universe, and in honoring both I find gratitude and a resolve to be the best I can be in any given moment.

Peace.

A Lover’s Prayer

October 27, 2018 / Tom

Love.

Though the words have not come easily for me lately, my heart demands these be written.

I love you.

In the end, what else matters? In the end, though the space besides me is empty, the space within me feels you everywhere. In the end, though the room around me lays silent, the room within me is filled with sounds of you. In the end, though the words have not flowed easily, my heart bleeds words of you with every beat.

That is the beauty of things for us. Now I want to sleep for I’ve always held you there. Now I close my eyes, for I’ve always seen you in the darkness. Now I offer myself to Hypnos, for she’s always let me kiss you throughout the night.

If, by some chance, I am fortunate enough to wake I can only pray I’m better tomorrow than I was today. I can only wish upon my waking breath that you feel me, and that you know that a man loves you beyond all stories of his mind and above each rung of his misgivings. The miles seem uncountable, but the truth is you’ve always been the closest thing I’ve known.

If waking is not part of the plan, I will have departed this world knowing love in its fullest way. I will have tasted something wonderful on your lips, and I will have felt an amazing grace in the eyes of this soul’s mate. You are Paradise found in the midst of hell, and as I have already walked on the plains of heaven beside you, I am not certain of what would be left for me beyond.

I have been to this mountaintop, and I have seen the promised land. I may never get there, but the sight of it demands my loyalty. The love within me demands my respect, and you…well you will always have my commitment as long as you want it. There can be no other.

Good night and know this writer pens his words from a place few can ever know, from a place you have touched and a place where you have carved your name forever. I wish I had more to offer.

Love.