Category: MG (Page 6 of 11)

Which is better? (the secrets to life) ~Revised

December 20, 2018 / Tom

I believe there are two secrets to life. One, you must live it. Two, you must share it.

What better than to watch the Sunrise than to watch it with our bodies close? The morning birds sing to us both as the orange glow of life glistens off the morning dew. We turn to each other, eyes locked and hearts made warm by the occasion, destined to kiss in the way lovers do.

We’ve seen the Sunrise alone. Which is the better way?

What better than to see our footprints running parallel on the beach? To feel our knees touching as we sit in meditation as the Sun crests over the ocean’s waves? Love guides us as the warmth cascades around us. The sound of gulls praising life fills us, the waves announcing the presence of that space where all life was born. Our souls embrace in the moment, our hearts know we are where we belong.

We’ve sat in stillness alone. Which is better?

What better way to climb a trail and see heaven’s majesty than to stand at the summit with you? Our fingers touching as we take in the beauty before us, standing straight until your head finally finds its way to my shoulder. We sigh, breathing in and out the clean mountain air, feeling one with nature and with each other.

We’ve climbed our mountains alone. Which is better?

There are things we must see alone. There are moments best left to solitude and space. Yet isn’t life, like any great recipe, a mixture of things that share themselves to one great purpose? An egg by itself may taste wonderful. But it’s not a cake. It’s simply part of one, and I’ve never had a birthday egg.

Life is 360

December 19, 2018 / Tom

During my meditations, I am often given a message. Though today’s meditation was relatively short, about 10 minutes, it was an intense meeting between me and the Divine.

I guess God had something to share and I, in turn, share it here.

I was sitting around a large, round table. Seated to the right of me were many who were a big part of my life during its various stages. I was also seated there at the different ages. These people included my grandparents, my parents, my children, and some close friends some of whom are no longer with us. Immediately to my right was my Love, and some people I have met through her. The space to my left was something I could not see, but I knew was there.

I heard a singing bowl ring, and I stood to offer a toast when it had finished.

I raised a chalice, and began to speak. What I said came out of me much like when I write. I was not in full control of my words, though I meant all of them.

“Life is a circle. We live in this experience, me as Tom and you as you, in 360 degrees. Each of those degrees gets us to where we are, much like the each tick of a clock gets the second hand back to twelve. While we are an accumulation of each degree, our truth is defined by the one we are on. We are free to make that place whatever it is we want.

“I see now that I have lived 270 degrees so far. I honor each of you who have been part of this journey for being. I love what you have brought to my circle, for the lessons learned and the experiences gained. I forgive each of you for any harm you may have shown me, and ask each of you forgiveness for any harm I may have shown you. Each of you have led me to someplace wonderful, so thank you.”

I raised the chalice, but did not drink. Instead, I breathed deeply and let all the apprehension go out of my body. Forgiveness.

I turned to my Love, seated next to me.

“It took all 270 degrees to find you. Through each of those steps, I’ve learned what it takes to be me. I’ve learned the courage of being vulnerable, of being afraid, and of surviving it all. I’ve learned the beauty of being alone, of rising from the mud, and of finding myself in the midst of losing everything. I stand next to you now not as a proud man, but as a humble man. Life has not chiseled me to be a man of stone. It has chiseled me open to humbly stand before you as vulnerable as the pieces of me that have settled at my feet.

I have 90 degrees left, my Love. Those moments I have left are not about what hills I climb, or trails I hike, or ocean sunrises I get to see. They are about sharing those moments in love. I’ve done them all alone, the next 90 degrees are about sharing each of them with you.

When I reach that 360th degree, I hope to look back and see a life fulfilled in love, in soul, and in a heartfelt testament to all I have learned.

What will be may be unknown, but sharing the unknown with you is all I could hope to do.”

I sipped the drink, and it was sweetly intoxicating.

Venus

December 18, 2018 / Tom

My God, what can I hope to do,
To show you my gratitude?
For what I’ve found right here, right now,
I surely owe to you somehow.

My God, whatever can I say,
To offer love to her this day?
These words I say, these words I write,
Are not enough at the end of night.

Says Venus to this open man,
“What is there to understand?
Just keep on walking the path you know,
The seed you planted will surely grow.”

“But how do I,” came my reply,
“Get out all this stuff inside?”
Venus laughed, I heard it clear,
“Just listen to your heart, my dear.”

I blinked, I sighed, I let it out,
For what she said I could not doubt,
For as weakened as my heart may be,
It’s still the strongest part of me.

For a stoic man cannot deny,
The how, the when, the what and why,
He just sees that star above,
That guides him to the one he loves.

For those of you who know the truth,
Who’ve defeated those beasts of youth,
There is no place you’d rather be,
Then in the arms of destiny.

Venus now fades into day,
The Sun takes over to guide the way,
Before she leaves one final word,
And this is what I know I heard.

“Born to find her, that is you,
She was born to find you too,
Both of you were made to be,
The star at night you long to see.

“The day is coming, just be there,
Present in the space you share,
Take her hand when the seas get rough,
Knowing that you’re hand’s enough.

“Lean on her when the west wind blows,
For she is stronger than she knows,
Your weight will not crush her love,
For she has Angels up above.

“For few things are made like this,
The power found when you kiss,
The truth of her with the truth of you,
Is what the power of love can do.”

Something in those words felt right,
As Venus disappeared from sight,
A light now filled the sky above,
As I gave thanks to the one I love.

One Day

December 16, 2018 / Tom

I plead to the ether.

I want to know,
Please tell me,
For the future remains unsettled in my mind.

Settle my anxious heart,
Cite me stories that write miracles in the sky,
Will me to the place I need to be.

Yet nothing,
Half measures and playful innuendo,
And I just sit and stare at the setting Sun.

Angels answer me in riddles.

They point to the rising Sun,
Yet beg me stay where it is I am sitting,
Nonsense contradicts the truth that's in my heart.

My soul commands me onward,
Though my heart demands I retreat into a shell,
The empty tones stifle music made in heaven.

I go now,
Forever bound to the despair of contradictions,
Perhaps I will see their end.

One day.

The Vulnerability of Being

December 14, 2018 / Tom

Seek that which you may find, but not to find it. Embrace that which you hold dear, but not to grasp it. Be burned, be lost, be afraid. It’s all going to be fine.

The Universe often speaks to me in riddles, on what appears to be riddles anyway. I will be honest with you, I have no idea what I am doing. I am a lost man with a found soul who simply just is looking for his way. I often fumble in the dark, banging my head and heart on walls hidden by the darkness, just looking for the way to something.

So the riddles do not surprise me. In fact, nothing less would seem to do.

To those who know me and have for some time, that statement of being lost may be surprising. I am usually the “put together” one, the stoic version of emotional and spiritual strength, the man who can take everything in stride. Yet what most of those friends do not know is what went into that version of me they’ve always known.

What they also do not know is that the version of me they’ve known simply does not serve me now. Parts of that man do, but parts of me need to be shed and replaced with new growth that serves me in my intention. If I wish to grow, I need to be burned, afraid and lost if just for a little while.

Life seems to be, true to form, challenging me to make a choice. Behind one curtain is the me I’ve grown to be, an honest, loving, caring man who loves aloneness, loving the serenity of needing no one, loving the harmony of self-reliance without excuse or retreat. Behind the other curtain is the me I wish to meet. Still honest, loving and caring, I want to enjoy companionship, find serenity of depending on someone, and giving up bits of self-reliance to let someone in my heart. That takes trust, courage and determination.

Scary stuff, but things I’ve learned I can count on. I choose curtain number two.

There is nothing wrong with these changes. I can be true to myself and vulnerable. I can be fine with aloneness while I lay cuddled up on a sofa with my partner. I can experience love of her without ever giving up love of myself. None of these need be mutually exclusive, and can be incorporated in a loving, caring, and conscious relationship. In fact, they can often feed off each other in the best symbiotic way imaginable.

The first step, I’ve found, is for me to allow of the vulnerability of being. We are all human beings with a story; one that includes fear, uncertainty and anxious moments all bundled up in our desire to love and function. Conscious relationships understand that, and loving relationships allow those human frailties to be exposed in the open. What is not permitted is to allow these moments to define the relationship (dysfunction). We can approach each other’s humanness in a way that not only shows the love shared, but exposes those fears for the bastard liars they usually are.

Soon, those fears will vanish in the face of a loving truth.

It’s is not only acceptable, but very necessary, to be very human in a conscious relationship. Spirituality, and the practice of spirituality, certainly has its place in my relationships but it is equally important to me to be absolutely human there too. I want to be afraid and lost sometimes. Those moments, while certainly not pleasant for me while in them, serve to remind me of my heart, my soul and the fact that today I have a partner I can share all of me with. Not just the stoic parts. Not just the conscious parts. I can share even the parts that aren’t so bright and glamorous.

Things I never thought I could share with anyone. Imagine that (growth).

She in turn, can choose to share those parts with me. I don’t expect, or want, her to be perfectly put together like some neatly packaged deity. What is wonderful is when I can return the gift she is to me, to her.

We are all works in progress, beautiful and amazing even in our dark moments. Accept those moments as fervently as you accept those moments of being your being so amazingly put together and you will find some peace in them. Better yet (particularly for those of us used to going it alone), lay your head on your partner’s shoulder, cry it out (let it go) and learn that doing so is perfectly spiritual, too. Functioning alone is no better a spiritual practice than functioning with someone who loves you is. Both are equally amazing.

I Love

December 14, 2018 / Tom

I love,
And I just don't know what else to do.

I'm peeling off the layers of my self,
Throwing my identity into the fire.

Tossing all those preconceptions to the wind,
Letting us build this from virgin dust.

Because I love,
And I just don't know what else to do.

Bit by bit I whittle away 
All the stuff that serves me not.

Painful though it is come look at what is there,
Beauty in the bandage place.

I have discarded so much refuse,
The inferno warms my soul.

What once comforted me,
Now keeps me from my dreams.

What once helped me stand,
Now drives me to my knees.

I throw it all away,
I am but an infant in the learning.

But I love,
And I don't know what else to do.

I've loved you for a million years,
I'll love you for a million more.

Though this life's dust has settled on my heart,
You wash it away with just a whisper.

Now, settle in my arms,
Let me read you our story and never say a word.

Because I love you,
And don't know what else to do.

~TG

That Love (You Will Always Be My Home)

December 13, 2018 / Tom

I walk as I am but a man, always mortal and sometimes frail to the pressures of life’s design. I love, however, as an immortal soul strong to the test of that mortal man’s frailties. I wander in my circles and on my trails testing myself out against the challenges of this life, testing the wounds and the dizziness in those spaces that require a rigid adherence to stability. My heart dreams on, always returning to a place were you stand, smiling, begging me out of my shell.

I am a walker. I am a searcher. You will always be my home.

May I look at you in a way that inspires those we love to find what it is we see. May those pictures, framed today from moments where our souls unite in love, tell those who one day find them scattered about in various places the story that raises their hearts to hope. May we look at images of our younger selves, staring at the mountains under skies painted blue, remembering the pains of our parting united by the truth of our union.

We are lovers. We are partners. We will always be a home.

One day, when the spring wildflowers bloom and the winter’s ice is fading from the trees, may the prayers of hope be realized as the vernal equinox rings in the distance. May the love known be promised on the boulders of a rushing river be made whole by the melting of the past. May we both stand besides a willow tree, knowing love’s great promise as the breeze makes music through her branches. There, we shall continue to realize the truth of our meeting, and the warmth of our eternal embrace.

She is the truth. She is the promise. She will always be my home.

It is that love, the one echoed in this lifetime as it once was spoken in lives past, that makes the blue skies bluer, the spring thaw warmer, and the rustling branches of a willow tree such sweet music. May we find some shelter there, some respite from the trials of this life. May we always find our home in the embrace.

The Apple

December 12, 2018 / Tom

The apple has fallen at my feet, and I have bent to eat it.

For so long I’ve felt unworthy of the fruit. I’ve caressed the tree and whispered prayers to the orchard, but feared the fruit. I’ve seen the majesty of her flowers blooming in the Spring sun, only to seek shade when the time for harvest was near. I’ve inhaled the fragrance of life’s great gift then hid from the flower that brought it to me. I’ve been the worst type of coward; the type who so desperately wants what he fears, and so desperately runs from the very thing he has sought.

Oh, those many days when I’ve held the fruit close to my own eyes! Whoa, those many nights I’ve dreamt of the sweet taste as the juices spill down my lips! A dreamer such as I, lost in the melancholy of the beasts who’ve run him from the orchard, certainly does not deserve such wonders. Try as I might I’ve always failed their expectations. I am not a dancer. I am not a soothsayer. I’m but a poet, frail in my desire to find your rhythm, weakened by the effort to matter in your future, lost in the words I write. The words are the testament of my truth. The words tell the tale of my heart, a heart that truly wants to be loved and to love with equal enthusiasm.

To hold the apple so close, yet fear its very taste is the hell a man must travel before he arrives at the gate to heaven. He must question the very existence of his mind and the very truth of his heart. He must find the wounds that plague him and will them healed. He must stand in the flames of his own insecurity and burn away the veils and masks he’s hid behind his entire life. He must be willing, in effect, to die right where she stands. He must give up the life he’s known to walk the uncertain path and to be reborn again. He must find life in her heart knowing that it is exactly where he belongs.

If you want to know courage, face your fears and bend them to your own desire. Love her without question, knowing full well that you may never fully recover from the leap of faith your heart now asks you to take. Give yourself to her, the one who lives in her own uncertain spaces and yet who also, somehow, shows you her heart in return.

If you want to know true love in its infinite glory, be the man she needs you to be. Stand tall when the torments come, and answer the voices in your head with the testaments of truth that spell her name. Be the lighthouse on her shores as she sails the uncertain seas of her own mind. Know that as you have built the foundation of your life at the hardest bottom of it, she too is building something wonderful. Honor her with the truth, with your deeds, and never let your word stray far from the sacred truth your heart has etched in a solemn promise you’ve sealed in a kiss. Be her lover, her rock, and know that she is all of those things to you.

Then, take a bite of the apple. Chew slowly, savoring the taste in honor of the wait you have endured. Let the sweetness embolden you, and let the nectar wake you from your exhaustion. Be worthy of this fruit, and make your life one that cultivates such sweetness when the spring arrives, and the winter has finally passed on to the promise she has whispered in your ear.

God, more than wealth, or fame, or the worship of the masses, let me live in this love. Let the past resound to its purpose in the wisdom I have gained, and if I have but a few minutes left on this Earth let me not waste them in fear, but rather in love. If I am to live a life minus most pleasures, let the one I am offered be her hand in mine as she lay by my side. Let us share in this life all the gifts You have bestowed upon us, and let us not take any of them for granted.

Then I will have lived a full life, my heart blessed and my soul full of its purpose.

Amen.

The Chorus

December 12, 2018 / Tom

He heard the voices, even when he tried to sleep.

Uncertainty said to him, “This will never work. You are not built for this. You need to run away.”

Doubt said to him, “Wake up! Men like you are best loved from a distance. The idea of you has always been better than the reality of you. Hold the hand you wish to lose, and lose it you shall.”

Pain said to him, “Remember when we played under the stars, when I played you like my puppet at the end of the rope? Do not forget those lessons we have taught you. Welcome home.”

Insecurity said to him, “You are not good enough for this. You never have been. I’ve shown you this before, have you forgotten? ”

Then her hand appeared upon his chest, and her voice soothed the beasts within. For Love had arrived.

Love said to him, “Why do you listen to them? Your heart was built for love, so love. Your mind was built for passion, so light that torch and let it burn brightly. Your soul, well it knows me well. Let it free to know me again, and you will find me for eternity.”

Love’s Encounter

December 11, 2018 / Tom

"What burdens you, my love,"
Says the empath across the way,
"You look so sad and lost,
On this bright and sunny day."

I shrugged my shoulders in a truth,
Resigned to my own fate,
"It's not the love that saddens you,
It's its absence that you hate."

I nodded in a short reply, 
The old woman began to smile,
She had a story she wished to tell,
"Come sit with me awhile."

It was as if I knew this soul,
There was something in her eyes,
Perhaps it was the way she looked at me,
That took me by surprise.

"I loved a man from over there,"
She pointed across the mountains free,
"And the first best day of my entire life,
Was when he fell back in love with me."

"At first it was not so easy,
To love across that epic span,
But what I knew and could not forget,
Was the love embodied in that man."

"So step by step we closed the gap,
That kept our lips apart,
Always knowing there was no space,
Between us in our hearts."

"Then one day our paths converged,
He stepped onto my shore,
We held each other for some time,
And then we held each other more."

"See a distant start can be a gift,
As you will shortly find,
You'll never take a kiss for granted,
Or any touch from her in kind."

"What burdens others you won't see,
For you'll remember nights alone,
What matters most is the hand you hold,
And the love you both have known."

I take a breath and give a sigh,
For what she says is true,
"She's coming love, just be prepared,
For her dream is also you."

A tear forms within my eyes,
And I smile all the same,
For a simple man such as me,
Shall find his truest flame.

I thank her soul for the kindest words,
Her wrinkled hand now holds my own,
"Don't worry love, she's got your back,
In the tenderness you've shown."

"You remind me of the man I love,
I should go kiss him, it's been a while,
She kind of winked and then she laughed,
And with that a familiar smile.

"We came here just to meet with you, 
We know you've come so far,
So come meet the man I've always loved,
He's waiting in the car."

With that she stood and took my hand,
I followed her out the door,
Her aged gait was slow but sure,
I had walked with her before.

We arrived at the car he sat,
"Now Tom, relax and you will see,"
She needed to say nothing more,
The old man I saw was me.

She turned and hugged me tight but true,
"See, I've loved you for all my life,
So much I had to come to you,
And then become your wife."

The old man gave me an "I love you" sign,
The old woman hugged me tight,
"Just remember you are the one I love,
When the nightmares come at night."

She pulled away and looked up at me,
Her eyes filled my heart with grace,
My love, much older yet still the same,
Now wiped the tears that soaked my face.

"I'm coming love, just you see,
There's nothing we need do.
For the greatest gift you gave to me,
Was the love you held so true."

"You taught me more than I could know,
In that I must confide,
For the truth of love I learned from you,
Just by standing by your side."

She turned and got back in the car,
And kissed the old man tenderly,
The love I found in her it seemed
She also found in me.

So much had changed that Summer's morn,
I began to release my doubt,
Uncertainty was soon replaced,
With a truth that lived throughout.

Sometimes Love will come to you,
Even when you do not pray,
As had happened to me in a flash of time,
On an uncertain Summer day.

It is really up to us in love,
If it is a truth we want to hear,
Or if we choose to believe,
The liar that is fear.

May one day you come to know,
Love's encounter, tried and true,
And realize that all you seek,
Is also seeking you.