What you feel is life, what you live is another story.

Category: MG (Page 5 of 11)

An Angel Lives Among Us

Says the old, disheveled man sitting on the curb.

“I had a dream once that I was not alone. I had grown my wings and would fly, a beautiful angel by my side. We would fly above our limitations, pierce the clouds of fearful minds, together. She would fly beside me and never want to part and I was, for once, as loved as I could love and as part of her as she was part of me.”

He looked up at the sky, a tear working its way down his dusty cheek.

“So wealthy in her space I wished to be. We’d find our tree and build our heaven together. No work, no fight in us existed in the moment. No materialism, no struggle for more, just wealth in the love we’d always sought, and trust that what we found existed. When nighttime voices woke us from our sleep we’d find comfort in the warmth we’d found beside us. It was all such a beautiful dream that I had once, if only I could have it come again.”

He rose and walked away, stumbling a bit as teary eyes blurred in intoxication. He looked down at the concrete that now adorned his feet, and remembered the dusty trails and sea-packed beaches that once had graced his steps. He could almost hear the gulls singing as the waves broke beside him. He kissed the open air and turned to me with a familiar look.

“Make your way, my son. Do not give up what you love when the sadness comes. Do not hesitate to open your heart when you hear the demons raging just outside your door. If you find her, love her with all your strength. When that truth arrives, pray it is her truth as well. If it is, it is worth dying for. If not, it’s worth living to regret. If she comes, never let her forget how loved she is, and never throw away that gift regardless of what winds may blow your way. She, and the love you’ve found inside for her, is why you were born. Live for it, and never die again.

When an angel lives among us, let us rise to the occasion and pray we are enough to be an angel in return.”

He may have walked away, but he has never left me. I pray often in his memory that my wings are good enough to fly, and I am worthy of the love that’s by my side.

Realize

My love,

We all face moments when we are weakened, unsure and anxious. We are humans Being human, and no matter what practice of spirit we will always be led back to our humanity. It is there we find our purpose for being.

Yet as creators of our lives allow my heart to open to yours, and share with you a truth that changes everything. Allow me, your soul’s mate, to balance out our humanity with the truth of the Divine love we share. There will be plenty of moments meant for single sets of footprints in the sand. Those moments, however, often highlight the beauty of two pairs, walking side-by-side, even during the storms that will come.

When you feel weakened, know you are my source of strength. See how I see you. Strong. Wise. Brave. Understand the presence you are to the heart that loves you dearly. I don’t think of you as these things because I love you. I love you in part because you are all of those things to me. Know that you will always have a pillar on which to lean and a nook in which to fall should you ever choose to be there.

When you are uncertain, know the firm ground you are to those who love you. Realize that while the world quakes and shakes around us, we have created solid ground where we stand. The ocean’s waters offer no guarantee of calm, but we’ve built a ship that can handle any weather.

When you are anxious, know that you have steady hands to hold you when you need them. Know that our humanity causes a certain amount of chaos, but chaos is often both an opportunity to strengthen and an opportunity to be loved. There is no weakness in falling into a lover’s arms. There is only love there, and in love there is no chaos.

Find my heartbeat and know the sound that holds our truth. Call my name and know that you are not alone even in those moments of solitude. We have built this altar on which we breathe the sacraments of love and pray the truth of our intentions. We are so blessed to stand on such a sacred place.

Your Love.

 

Two Hundred Years

Two hundred years,
Waiting…
I’ve been for you,
An ear bent to hear your heartbeat,
Nostrils created to inhale the smell of your hair,
Lips…
Lips born to taste nothing
But your soul.

Time (A Love Letter)

My love,

I dream of moments passed, of those seconds spent drifting off in thoughts of you. That solemn act of wondering as I wander, feeling the newness of hope mixed with the untolled memories of something familiar. Those seconds of dreaming what it would be like to hold you close, to listen to your stories, and hear the words spill from your heart like unending vestiges of excitement. Those words…

“I love you.”

Seconds pass by until they become minutes. Minutes somehow bring with them what once seemed impossible. I feel your arms wrap around me, hear your voice not through wires but through air, and those lips…my God those lips…revive me to a purpose the seconds had suggested were just a dream.

Then, the words.

“I love you.”

The minutes become hours. I watch the clock slowly make its way, teasing me in with deliberateness. I beg it faster in our moments apart, and try to make it slower in those moments when I can feel you. In those times when you are thousands of miles away, I want to find a rope binding East and West and pull it with all my might. Somehow, I just know, I will find the strength to eliminate all the distance between us. I will. I must. I cannot shed this truth from my soul despite the resistance minds will stack against it.

Then, patience. More than I ever thought I could find. I allow it to flow through me, and I settle into prayer that hours turn into days.

Days when we are together. Those days outnumber our days apart when the wires and batteries no longer matter. We find a rhythm in days that have no deadline, no return trip, no attempts to fit everything in. Days were we can walk patiently beside each other, or wait patiently in another space for an arrival not dependent on takeoffs and landings, on boarding passes and security checkpoints. Those days add to the story of our lives, building a book of love to be passed around and shared with a Universe that so eagerly conspired to see it written.

Days where we can climb mountains and take in the views together. Days where we can plant our feet on the Ocean’s sand and marvel at the Sunrise, together. Days were we can just find our space, walk our walks, dream our dreams either together or apart but have it be our choice and not a condition to which we were born.

Days will eventually turn into weeks and weeks into years. In time we will stand together older and look at the horizon. We will remind each other of the seconds we shared, of the minutes that have passed, and the hours that brought us to our space. We will remember our days knowing that we created something wonderful in their passing. We will read the volumes we have written together while basking in the glow of the children who’ve grown in the presence of our Light, and the friends who have perhaps found some peace of their own in the embrace we share.

Those years will eventually become our eternity, my love. In our rest we will have not squandered a moment blessed to us, knowing that love has brought us to a space where our wandering and wondering had transformed into amazement and our amazement into a story for the ages.

There is no doubt, for love has washed it away from me. Love has bound us a book and continued a story the moment our names entered our thoughts, and the second our lips began letting little bits of truth into the ether. The stars have never looked brighter, save when I see them with you.

With love, and the truest intention,

Your love.

I Brake for Turtles

When I lived down at the New Jersey shore, I’d often visit a place called Corson’s Inlet. I was not only a toll collector on the various bridges that served the county Bridge Commission, but I also liked to take a swim in the bay that was part of the State park. The water was always warmer, and there were always far fewer people there than on the Ocean City beach. If there’s one negative to living at the beach it is the people who flock there every summer. They change everything, and not always for the better.

There’s a stretch of road I’d take called, if memory serves me right, Bay Avenue. There were many signs along that stretch of road that would warm drivers about turtles crossing.  True to my nature, if I saw a turtle trying to cross the road, I’d stop my car and carry the turtle to the other side. I’d block traffic, not caring how many cars were behind me. The turtle’s life was much more important to me than the impatience of people.

I’d sometimes get called names, and respond with my Jersey salute and a scowl that often would end the conversation. It boggled my mind how people would have a problem with this act. Usually, though, I’d have people stop and thank me for doing it. “Those are my people,” I’d think. My tribe. They get me.

Recently, I was gifted with a metaphoric shirt that says “I brake for turtles”. It has many connotations and all of them make me smile.

My son asked me “Dad, what does that shirt mean? Of course you brake for turtles.”

I sat down next to him, deciding to offer him a bit of life advice in response to his questions. While my daughter learned long ago not to ask such questions (she doesn’t enjoy my explanations), my son is still inquisitive and wants to know about certain things.

“Well, bud, it means several things. I’ll make this quick for you.”

“Ok, Dad.” I knew Fortnight was calling him, so certainly appreciated his patience.

“First, you are braking for turtles right now.”

“I am?” he asked.

“Yep. You are stopping what you are doing to talk to your Dad. That’s a type of braking for turtles. Sometimes braking for turtles has nothing to do with braking for turtles. I’ll explain.”

“Sometimes, bud, we are driving fast in our car. So fast, in fact, that we aren’t noticing the things around us. We may not be seeing the Sun peeking through the reeds, or the way a cloud looks like a heart, or the way nature is doing Her thing all around us. We are so absorbed with getting to where we are going that we miss everything along the way.

Then, out of nowhere, a turtle decides it needs to cross the road. She may have no idea why, she just knows she needs to. So, she starts on her way. She’s scared for whatever reason, but courage rises inside of her and suddenly that first foot hits the asphalt. You both are on the same road, both sharing a destiny of sorts.

Some of us who are focused only on our destination may actually hurt the turtle. Or worse. However, if we are paying attention to the moment we are in we see the turtle, we stop, and we help her along in a way that is true to who we are. Sometimes that may mean picking her up and carrying her to the other side. Other times, it may mean just blocking traffic so she can make her own way.”

“Dad, how you do you know what to do?”

“Well, there is a voice inside you that isn’t in your head. It’s actually in your chest. You can start there. Often times, though, the turtle will tell you. Listen to her, she has most of the answers even if you don’t agree with them all.”

“But don’t people get mad because you stopped traffic?”

“Some of them. But they don’t matter. What matters in that instant is you and the turtle. You are holding space for the turtle, and sometimes that means you will hear voices not from your chest. They will scream at you, call you names, and try to make you do things that aren’t a part of who you are. They aren’t the voice you should be listening to. Remember where I said the voice you should listen to is?”

“Yeah, in your chest.”

“Yep. Your heart will never lie to you. Other voices will almost always lie to you. They are angry and afraid, and fear is a liar. They would hurt the turtle in their fear and anger. And guess what?”

“What?”

“If they hurt the turtle they are hurting you, too.”

“How?”

“Well, whenever those voices cause you to act against the truth of who you are, it hurts you. Trust me son, I’ve left pieces of myself all over the place listening to those voices. They’ve never done a thing but hurt me. My heart, while hurt sometimes, has never lied to me. Trust it and not only will you be fine, but so will the turtle you’ve been given the opportunity to brake for.

You know what else?”

“What?”

“You will be told many lies in your life. People don’t mean to tell you lies, and it may even be true for them. The truth is always within you, right in your chest. Trust that no matter what anyone else tells you. Even me. My truth may not be yours. Make yours the only one you listen to someday.

Son, I’ve often wondered ‘Who am I to disturb the natural order of things?’ Then God reminded me that I AM PART of the natural order of things. When I am true to my heart, true to myself, I am part of Her ebb and flow. I am part of Her great Sea.

Be true to you, your heart, and you will always find happiness even if you are sad first.”

“Thanks Dad.”

“You’re welcome. One other thing.”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t ever hesitate to brake for turtles. It’s not just a life you are saving, but you are expressing a beautiful part of who you are. When you express that beauty, it creates a ripple across the entire Universe. You have absolutely changed history and had a profound effect on life. She is so worth the patience, the love, and the resilience and so are you. You will learn so much braking for those turtles, I promise.”

The thing about these lessons is that they are never over. They echo in my chest forever, even when those other voices creep in. I’m actually not the teacher in this lesson, I am as much of a student as anyone else. I’m learning as I go, using the wisdom of this life toward expressing the love that lives within me.

I sincerely thank the turtle who had me pause, and practice patience. That patience has allowed me to focus intently on that voice in my chest and actually hear it above all others. Mostly, she’s allowed me grow into my expression of love, and trust that I have the strength to hold that space for her as she crosses the road regardless of the noise coming from the rear. She will be safe here, for the warrior who has stopped is fierce toward those voices while softly guarding her journey. He will always do his best anyway.

Warriors don’t just move forward with purpose. Sometimes they brake for a turtle with purpose, too.

 

 

Just Tell Me It’s Heaven (A Lyric)

I see a picture and I
Paint it gray
I hear a song, perhaps we’ll
Dance someday
Never lost yet I’m
Not quite found
Flying high with both
Feet on the ground.

Tell me a story and I’ll
Be quiet now
Touch my skin and I’ll
Smile somehow
Tell me you love me and
Watch me rise
Kiss me softly and
Look in my eyes.

And tell me it’s heaven…

The Sun is fading and
The stars will shine
The Moon is coming and
I need a sign
The angels are talking
They say its right
The future’s coming
Just not tonight.

The ocean’s calling us
Waves roll in
The full moon rising
Shines within
The mountain whispers
Calling me
The words roam through me
I’ll let them be.

Just tell me it’s heaven…

Dreams are raging in
Side me love
I hear the whispers
From up above
The eyes are heavy but
My soul is strong
The body’s willing and
The night is long.

In my prayers I
Say goodnight
In my sleep we will
Dance tonight
When I wake I will
Kiss you dear
Then I’ll whisper something
Only you will hear.

Just tell me it’s heaven…

 

I Will Be Home

What was once the most natural of places for me now seems foreign. I wake in the middle of the night, certain you are up too. I reach for you, just to know you are there safe beside me. What I find is emptiness.

It an unsettled feeling for this heart. What seems so natural in my repose turns to discomfort in my waking. You should be there. I should be there. We should be there.

Alas, there is only the emptiness.

I close my eyes again, wishing myself back to that place where I can see you in the faint evening light. Waking is so much easier when you are there, my senses aroused and my heart feeling the lack of space between us. In your absence I try to will myself back to sleep. If I could only dream away the moments until you are there again and I could feel you. If only time was at my mercy, speeding up and slowing down at my will. Instead it plays games with me, crawling along when I beg it forward and speeding away when I need it to trickle by.

You are, of course, embedded in my soul. I feel you there tonight as I always do., and there is some comfort in that wonderful connection. I place my hand on my heart and inhale deeply, trying to remember your smell. Memories of you moving in the morning filter through my mind. Visions of our morning embrace, your smile as your voice echoes in my chest, play out on a darkened screen.  A tear creeps out and finds its way down the side of my head, finding its way toward my pillow. If tears were but seeds I would have planted a forest by now, as happy as they are.

Those tears are not of sorrow, my love. They are of joy. You have arrived, you are in my Being, and I am grateful for the way you love me. As foreign as that sounds to my mind, you love me. Even more foreign to my heart is that I am completely ready to receive.

I see it now. A once crazy dream now realized in your kiss. A prayer once uttered in disbelief is now answered in your voice. Everything I have ever lived through, everything I’ve ever stumbled upon, has led me to you. It’s as if some great dust storm raged and I had fallen. I fought to stand so many times. When I finally had risen, and the dust settled, you were there. Suddenly the wind-whipped wounds were irrelevant. In an instant, the mud caked on my skin washed away. It all made perfect sense in that moment when the bell rang, the doors opened, and you rushed into my arms for the very first time.

You asked me at that moment if I was nervous. I was, my life was flashing before my eyes. I could see the purpose of my survival and now that purpose could see me. I could see the challenges to come, and I could feel the power of everything that was in the moment your arms wrapped around me.

Some may call it a hug. I call it home.

They say that home is where the heart is. Well, love, I left my heart right next to yours wherever that may be. That is what makes these empty spaces I once valued seem so empty. They are no longer my home. They are just places I needed once to survive until the storm settled and my home appeared. I honor them for their place in my life, but now they simply ask me to leave them be. They beg me to go home, and they always point me to you.

Whether we are on a beach, or in some tropical clime, or on a mountain trail watching nature go about its destiny, I will be home. When my hand reaches out and finds yours, I will be home. When I suddenly feel your touch without warning or hear your words from the other room, I will be home. When I am guarding your space from the other side of a wall, or down the street, or even in the next town I will be home. When you call for me and I can answer, I will be home. When I can raise a glass that you have filled and honor it with a prayer, I will know home while always remembering the forest that was planted in your absence.

What a gift I have been blessed with.

 

What does a man say?

What does a man say when everything he has thought true crumbles to the ground? What does he say when years of stubborn adherence to aloneness finally changes? What does he say as he sits alone on a holiday realizing that he may never sit alone again? What does he say when realizes that everything he once found safety in has vanished?

Honestly, I’m not sure. But I know what I say.

Thank you!

I am so blessed. Peace.

I Love You Through My Bones

Lay with me for a bit, my love. Hold my body close, squeeze my hand tightly and feel my breath on the back of your neck. Love is here, around us and through us, binding us together in a moment that will echo through eternity.

Let’s listen to the winter wind howl outside our warm nook, the snow falling gently as the seed we have planted awaits its spring promise. Know that the man who lays beside you honors you in every breath and carries within him a heart that beats for you. Know that the space you share with your warrior has been blessed by time and our own intention. Know that I would defend our space with all I am and all I ever could be.

That is my truth, for I love you through my bones.

Let that be, and feel it. Feel it through your own bones too.

 

I just want to love you…

I want to love you. That’s all I want to do. Not with words, but with deeds. I want to write love poems on your skin with my fingertips. I want to sing love songs with kisses on your shoulder. I want each day to recite the gospel within my heart, without words yet with the very truth that inspires them.

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