What you feel is life, what you live is another story.
“Soon, I will begin another countdown to our next encounter. I will do my job, and do it well while trying not to get lost in the fact that I will not be eating dinner next to her. I will not be watching television while hearing her lightly breathe as she’s lost in slumber. I will not find that hug around the corner, or that kiss just waiting at the other end of a sentence.”
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I remember when there was this dream I had,
She’d be sleeping in the dark,
And all I could do is hear her breathing.
Something would make her stir,
Perhaps it was desire awakening in her dreams,
Or the way the spring breeze bathed her through the window.
Whatever it was,
I remember I could hear her say my name,
And I replied, “Yes, my love,”
She said then, “I just wanted to make sure you were there,
That I wasn’t dreaming,
So that if I was,
I would not awaken,
Tonight, tomorrow, or any other day.”
I remember the tear that spilled from my heart that night,
With her still sleeping in the dark.
And in my soul prose was written that would endure eternity.
I would not leave her,
and she would awaken,
Just because she could,
Me doing nothing but watching her sleep,
Honoring the solemn sound of her breath,
Protecting her sacred space.
With the chrysalis broken wide open,
In the morning I knew that she would fly,
And I’d be witness yet again to what was always amazing.
I could only hope to keep up,
To the one who was surely born to fly.
I uttered a prayer as her breath returned to sleeping,
Nothing but the simple want of a man born to watch her soar.
A prayer that someday she would grow to realize her authority,
And see how the willows stand tall to meet her gaze,
And the grasses bend softly to hold her resting form.
Perhaps then she’d still love me,
Tickle my senses with the flowers blooming in her field,
Kiss me tenderly as the Moon undressed us in its light,
Know love as I held her tightly to keep the dew from forming on her skin,
Listening to her breathe,
Always answering her call when she stirred awake
Before the morning light,
Waiting for the morning Sun to announce its sweet arrival,
And I watch her fly again another day.
© 2019 Tom Grasso All Rights Reserved
I cannot remember the first time I heard the willow branches sing a song,
Playing havoc with the steady gait of my life.
Or the first time I noticed the soft, golden grass tickle the insides of my toes,
My laughter spreading triumphantly,
Sadness the air that carried my joy now echoing through the canyon.
Those things have always seemed to be,
Even as the memories reborn
When you held my face between your hands,
Pierced my soul with the truth
That I had found you.
Finally.
Two hundred years ago, or maybe more,
We had chased each other around the lonely willow tree,
The one that hugged the places where we'd play,
Besides the field of wildflowers.
One purple flower would give itself to me,
I'd take her sacrifice and slide her by your ear,
Your smile melting any winter left in my heart.
You'd tell me something wonderful,
About the dream that we were having,
That would be a dream again in a couple hundred years or more,
The dream you shared, my love, my never-to-be-forsaken.
My face in your hands back then, you made me swear.
"Remember this in two hundreds years, or maybe more?"
"When we meet then, you will remember. I will hold your face between my hands, and I will shred that veil you've placed before your eyes. Naked and shaken you will forget but only to be reminded. When you remember, we will never part again.
We will fall, and fall, and then fall some more. The burning memory of my fingers on your face, your name searing through my heart, will have us rise, and rise, and then rise some more.
Marry me by a willow tree, whatever that means to us then. Do not stop until I do. In this life I chased you, in the next you will do the same. Yet know it like the wind to the wings of a butterfly. The chase is not a game to us, it is like the whittling from a great tree the statue of our hearts. When the winds calm, the butterfly will find its rest, and the masterpiece will be complete."
That's the way it is, for you and me my love,
I don't remember when it started for I was but stardust then,
We made a promise long before there were flowers or fields,
Or willow trees to guard them,
A promise we honor under the bluest mountain skies,
In an inn left-handed to its undertaking,
A promise we are so very close to keeping.
For I know a place.
A place made within the infinite measure of the Universe,
Just for us,
Where the breeze still flows through willow's holy branches,
Where flowers bloom begging to touch your ear,
Where your heart will be reminded of the oath you made me swear,
And you will smile, scared and shaken though you be,
As you remember it was you who made me promise.
It is me who will always keep my word.
My Love,
With each passing moment I am reminded of things. Special things. Things that embolden me. Things that enlighten me. Things that cause me to rise when rising seems impossible, and drive me onward when it seems I have no strength left to give.
I am reminded of what is within me. My soul seems like an evening sky, a darkened canvas full of space and time and remnants of moments past filled with promise of what is to come. I can sit in my present moment and look at the vast expanse of my soul, seeing stars that twinkled eons ago and things falling through the shroud of security around my heart. Like streaks of light those pebbles fall, and in wondrous moments of awe my eyes capture them and hold them dear even if only for a second.
You have shown me a great love within me, a love that lights that sky and changes things completely. The warm rays of light draw your name on my skin as the the black sky turns to blue, and life around me seems to jump with desire to live. I take my steps now seeing so much around me in this light, and I bask in the renewal of promise as each foot falls loving on ground made solid in knowing you.
The days pass mostly without you beside me, yet you are within me. I feel you when I touch the great mountain stones along the trail. I know you when I see the vastness of a world before me as I stand on the ridges of my journey. I’ve walked our beaches alone knowing you’d be there with me one day, and as forlorn as that aloneness may seem there is a lightness to knowing your presence exists somewhere where no foot can fall, no finger can touch, and no words will ever need be spoken.
I feel that one day I will not need to speak so much, or write so many words. The best stories of my life are yet to come, and they shall not be written with words but through my fingertips drawing lightly on your skin. The best truths of my life are yet to be spoken, but they shall not come through words but with my hand on your heart and my lips pressed against your own. The truest things I have ever done are yet to come, an extension of the truths I share with you now, and they will be a testament to this light I’ve found inside me. The light that whispers your name. The light that guides my way. The light whose gravity pulls me toward the greatest space I’ve ever stood in my life.
Before I met you, I knew you. Before I knew you, I felt you. But love you? There was no time before I loved you. I loved you the moment the Universe was created. That great explosion of truth sparked the moment when the light began to shine, and the dark sky knew its first breaking dawn. So blessed am I to have seen the Day in your embrace. So blessed am I to have been a student at that heart of your truth.
I will now seek you in my silence and kiss you there. Feel it, my love, and wait for the moment when our bodies can feel the truth of what we know.
Your Love.
I had no idea
What I was doing
When I found this love with you.
I had no clue
How fast I'd fall
or how deep the well had grown.
Yet here I am
Still falling, discovering
Crying tears of joy in the Sunshine
Begging love for your hand
Feeling you in the empty air
Knowing you in the space we share.
I had no idea
What was in store
When destiny's doors opened.
I could not have guessed
That first embrace
I'd pray would never end.
Yet here I am
Still holding you,
In a dream I never wish to end.
Here I am,
Wishing upon every star ever born
And thanking them all the same.
See, I had no idea
What I was doing
But I'm glad I did it all.
I had no clue
How fast I'd fall
When I fell in love with you.
Says the old, disheveled man sitting on the curb.
“I had a dream once that I was not alone. I had grown my wings and would fly, a beautiful angel by my side. We would fly above our limitations, pierce the clouds of fearful minds, together. She would fly beside me and never want to part and I was, for once, as loved as I could love and as part of her as she was part of me.”
He looked up at the sky, a tear working its way down his dusty cheek.
“So wealthy in her space I wished to be. We’d find our tree and build our heaven together. No work, no fight in us existed in the moment. No materialism, no struggle for more, just wealth in the love we’d always sought, and trust that what we found existed. When nighttime voices woke us from our sleep we’d find comfort in the warmth we’d found beside us. It was all such a beautiful dream that I had once, if only I could have it come again.”
He rose and walked away, stumbling a bit as teary eyes blurred in intoxication. He looked down at the concrete that now adorned his feet, and remembered the dusty trails and sea-packed beaches that once had graced his steps. He could almost hear the gulls singing as the waves broke beside him. He kissed the open air and turned to me with a familiar look.
“Make your way, my son. Do not give up what you love when the sadness comes. Do not hesitate to open your heart when you hear the demons raging just outside your door. If you find her, love her with all your strength. When that truth arrives, pray it is her truth as well. If it is, it is worth dying for. If not, it’s worth living to regret. If she comes, never let her forget how loved she is, and never throw away that gift regardless of what winds may blow your way. She, and the love you’ve found inside for her, is why you were born. Live for it, and never die again.
When an angel lives among us, let us rise to the occasion and pray we are enough to be an angel in return.”
He may have walked away, but he has never left me. I pray often in his memory that my wings are good enough to fly, and I am worthy of the love that’s by my side.
My love,
We all face moments when we are weakened, unsure and anxious. We are humans Being human, and no matter what practice of spirit we will always be led back to our humanity. It is there we find our purpose for being.
Yet as creators of our lives allow my heart to open to yours, and share with you a truth that changes everything. Allow me, your soul’s mate, to balance out our humanity with the truth of the Divine love we share. There will be plenty of moments meant for single sets of footprints in the sand. Those moments, however, often highlight the beauty of two pairs, walking side-by-side, even during the storms that will come.
When you feel weakened, know you are my source of strength. See how I see you. Strong. Wise. Brave. Understand the presence you are to the heart that loves you dearly. I don’t think of you as these things because I love you. I love you in part because you are all of those things to me. Know that you will always have a pillar on which to lean and a nook in which to fall should you ever choose to be there.
When you are uncertain, know the firm ground you are to those who love you. Realize that while the world quakes and shakes around us, we have created solid ground where we stand. The ocean’s waters offer no guarantee of calm, but we’ve built a ship that can handle any weather.
When you are anxious, know that you have steady hands to hold you when you need them. Know that our humanity causes a certain amount of chaos, but chaos is often both an opportunity to strengthen and an opportunity to be loved. There is no weakness in falling into a lover’s arms. There is only love there, and in love there is no chaos.
Find my heartbeat and know the sound that holds our truth. Call my name and know that you are not alone even in those moments of solitude. We have built this altar on which we breathe the sacraments of love and pray the truth of our intentions. We are so blessed to stand on such a sacred place.
Your Love.
I see a picture and I
Paint it gray
I hear a song, perhaps we’ll
Dance someday
Never lost yet I’m
Not quite found
Flying high with both
Feet on the ground.
Tell me a story and I’ll
Be quiet now
Touch my skin and I’ll
Smile somehow
Tell me you love me and
Watch me rise
Kiss me softly and
Look in my eyes.
And tell me it’s heaven…
The Sun is fading and
The stars will shine
The Moon is coming and
I need a sign
The angels are talking
They say its right
The future’s coming
Just not tonight.
The ocean’s calling us
Waves roll in
The full moon rising
Shines within
The mountain whispers
Calling me
The words roam through me
I’ll let them be.
Just tell me it’s heaven…
Dreams are raging in
Side me love
I hear the whispers
From up above
The eyes are heavy but
My soul is strong
The body’s willing and
The night is long.
In my prayers I
Say goodnight
In my sleep we will
Dance tonight
When I wake I will
Kiss you dear
Then I’ll whisper something
Only you will hear.
Just tell me it’s heaven…
What does a man say when everything he has thought true crumbles to the ground? What does he say when years of stubborn adherence to aloneness finally changes? What does he say as he sits alone on a holiday realizing that he may never sit alone again? What does he say when realizes that everything he once found safety in has vanished?
Honestly, I’m not sure. But I know what I say.
Thank you!
I am so blessed. Peace.
I want to love you. That’s all I want to do. Not with words, but with deeds. I want to write love poems on your skin with my fingertips. I want to sing love songs with kisses on your shoulder. I want each day to recite the gospel within my heart, without words yet with the very truth that inspires them.
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