I’ve often heard what I’ve wanted to hear. In my weakness, I’ve listened to demons. In my desperation, I’ve heard only sadness. In my self-loathing, I’ve heard only lies.
Deafened by the chorus of voices singing in my head, I’ve failed to hear you. Silenced by the criticisms of those I wish to please, I’ve failed to speak my truth. I have heard them and in turn, have silenced myself.
I’d wanted so much to be the perfect boy, the perfect man, the perfect teacher, and the perfect student. I failed, always it seemed, to gain your praise consistently, and to have all of me embraced by all of you. I’d surrendered to your voice and therefore surrendered to the voices singing in your head, the voices that silenced you, the voices that had you lie to the world about who you truly are.
We have failed each other, my love. We have slung mud and thrown stones not our own (but took ownership of) and in turn, have inflicted great pain upon the very soul we wish to love. I’ve helped you build those walls around your wounded heart even as I’ve built my own, often blaming the very existence of my creation for the distance we keep. It is I who slice away at my own existence, but it is you who I seek to blame.
I wish to end this lunacy. Come kiss me, please. Let’s silence the voices that keep us from hearing one another, and tear down those walls we believe secure us from the threat of love. Let me hold you until my dying breath, and let me hear you whisper in your sleep the sounds that fill my heart with joy. Make love to me until the Moon has had her fill, and then let me beg you for more as the Sun rises to meet the challenge. Let’s not forget the voices that once kept us imprisoned behind bars of our own making. Instead, let’s use them as a guidepost to show us how far we’ve come. Let us remember that solitude as our sweat mixes in ecstasy; let us give thanks to that silence as it is filled with sounds of love.
This must be our destiny. Two souls once battered by time and happenstance stand together on the same mountain, gazing at the same Sunrise, holding true in our memory the passion shared the night before. Two souls now healed into one powerful testament to truth; lips touching and skin quivering in a hymn only the gods could have written.
This is love, that great testament to what humans potential is reached when human limitation is abandoned. I first heard it in my darkness and now feel it in the light of my own being. I first believed it when all I saw was my own end and now see it in the truth of all that is. I first knew it in your eyes and now feel it in the bond between my feet and the moving earth beneath me. Challenged though I may be, I know it’s there even when I’m silenced by a Master that has something left to teach. I have no truth save this one, which is all the truth there is.
We have risen not to be put down, but to walk together on our happy trail. We have found our footing not to be shaken yet again, but to be steadfast when the ground tries to shake us from our joy. We have survived the challenge of all that was just to meet the challenges of what will be. It’s all led to this, the moment we were promised at the moment of our conception, the thing we call our destiny.
Peace.