Lotus…Still…
I feel Her in my Being,
Soul, will..
Aid me to my Seeing.
Calm winds of mind
Cease to be obscene,
All light that time will bind,
Fades to shades of Green.
I reach, She holds,
Destiny has begotten,
A dream foretold,
The Heart’s sweet bondage tauten.
So peace affirmed,
I’m off to sweet Desires,
My Love, confirmed,
In that which Love inspires.
Author: tomgrasso (Page 8 of 38)
I feel Her in the night…
Comforting me, lulling me to sleep,
Awakening me to unspeakable ecstasy.
My breath stops, my heart races,
She takes me into Her softly,
Binding me to our own Eternity.
I reach, she grasps,
I search, she gasps,
We head into Heaven together.
Forever.
I am here, I am now,
I’m not then and I’m not there.
I am real and not obscure,
When you take the leap with me
You’ll see
That it isn’t a leap at all.
The statement of intention is just that, a full commitment to what you want. When you hesitate, you create a different version of what you want. You want the hesitation, the doubt, as the outcome and it will manifest itself.
You can’t halfway jump into a pool of water. Putting your toe in is not jumping, it’s putting your toe in. If you want to jump, then jump in fully with your entire Being committed to the outcome of enjoying the immersion you seek.
See this, it is my Love, It isn’t a half-cent or a fragment. It is the Whole, it is the Entirety, It’s the part of you that’s me.Love, the essence of ourSelves, isn’t hesitating. It is fully committed to what It wants. The mind is the hesitation, the creator of imprisonment and bondage. To be fully free, one must see the Love and fully commit to it. Rumi plainly describes this commitment this way with words I’ve come to cherish in my life.
“Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.”
Yes, be notorious. Throw caution to the wind when you Love. Tread in your “die zone” and enjoy the fear. Forget all about the safety and confines your mind has created. They don’t exist, they are all figments of your imagination. Only Love is real.
So Love, and bask in the glow of something that rids the monsters from the shadows. You know what to do now…
Today, during a “Power of Treatment” workshop put on by my spiritual center, we were brought to a forest during a guided meditation were we prompted to seek out a piece of nature that would speak to us. I choose the Dogwood in my meditation for two reasons. First, in my meditation It was there as a bright, colorful Being against a rather dark green backdrop. The Dogwood existed even before I was prompted to seek it out, and it clearly evident as I moved through the forest we were guided to. Second, it now has special meaning in my Heart, and has helped fill a void as I am wondering through these present moments. I am lifted up when I see it, and I feel a connection to this tree that goes behind mere physical beauty.
We were instructed to write about our meditative experience immediately afterwards, and this is what I experienced. Allow me to pick up the vision from where we were instructed to communicate with our piece of nature.
I walk up to the Dogwood. It’s bright pink flowers are rustling softly in the breeze as dark, foreboding trees surround it. Even though it is dwarfed by the surrounding forest, it still looks mighty and strong in its beauty, and I feel drawn to its power and grace.
“I’ve missed you,” I said softly to the Dogwood. “You’ve left me feeling so alone and helpless, and I am not sure what the message is. I need you, I want you, and yet it seems like your message to me is just the opposite.”
The Dogwood replied, “You want to love purely, absolutely. You are burdened by the fear your ego had layered upon your Soul. Let go, become one with Me and know Love as if for the very first time.
I have been here all along – waiting – and will be here when you return, ready to accept this joy.”
Tears filled my eyes and spilled onto my body as I let go of the Dogwood. The Tree began to get further away from me until it faded into the forest beyond. I sat there, feeling helpless and alone, waiting for a sign that I was loved. As I looked around me, I noticed that where the tears had fallen on my body there were bright, pink petals. They were the flowers of the Dogwood, and they were with me as It had always been.
Sometimes in our very human existence, we let our human fears control our vision. We lose sight of the importance of Pure Love in our souls. We let anger, fear, and the past dictate terms to us despite the knowledge we have of this moment. We lose our grip on what is real as our ego controls our reality. We are lost and alone because our egos tell us we are regardless of how much love and companionship we have in our lives.
Love is a tricky and frightening thing for the human Being, well the human (ego) part anyway. Ego plays tricks on us, causing us to see threats where none exist and find disharmony where none resides. Ego also plays tricks on use when we decide to reject ego. The rejection of anything is an egoic act that will only serve to perpetuate the negative experiences in our lives (rejection is a negative). Rather, acceptance is the key to taming the ego, or as a wise woman said to me today, “taking the large dog in the room (ego) and making it a small puppy easily controlled.”
So, I love. I love everyone even if I have a special place in my heart for some one. With that love, I don’t need to reject anything but can embrace only those things that are in line with who I am. Nothing else is important. I may not have a single “thing” in this Universe, but if I have love, and am love, I don’t need a thing either.
I will simply walk with the bright, pink petals of my Dogwood reminding me of the beauty I have in my life. Or at least try to.
Blades of grass remember
Remember our beautiful injustice
A sweet slumber devoid of innocence
Or was it sweet innocence devoid of slumber?
The mention of Butterflies sends my mind flying.
Those blades swirl through the winds of my mind
To and fro as the currents shifts
I hear a Prayer appear on the horizon
Gone is the night that has plagued this Mountainside
The Butterflies have come and the flowers bloom.
Now I sit, alone and staring at the picture on the wall
The blades of grass are still
I sink into nothingness knowing nothing at all
Hoping…praying…pleading
For the Butterflies to return.
Darkness…
Shattered glass of a lonely streetlight…
I’m waiting, alone…
Irrelevant.
Disappointment…
Fingers holding on to a single crevice…
I’m dangling, alone…
Irrelevant.
Mystical…
Dancing swirls toward a single step…
I dance alone…
Irrelevant.
Silent…
Close my eyes to see the Light…
Can’t find the picture…
Irrelevant.
Finality…
Determined hope in a silent auction…
No bidders only watchers…
Irrelevant.
I thought,
Said the Spider to the Fly,
Was that you would love me
For doing this to you.
I thought,
Said the Fly to the Spider,
That I could forgive you,
For doing this to me.
I thought,
Said the target to the bomb,
Was that I’d accept you,
And look what you did to me.
I thought,
Said the bomb to the target,
That you accepted me,
But look what we did to each other.
I thought,
Said the Lover to the Beloved,
That you’d be with me forever, that I’d have the time to tell you these things,
But look at where that got us.
I thought,
Said the Beloved to the Lover,
That I’d live long enough to share with you my Heart,
But now all of that is forgotten.
I thought,
Said God to the helpless Mind,
That you’d understand the Present moment,
But all you did was relish in the past.
I thought,
Said the helpless Mind to God,
That I could fix yesterday by living it today,
But all I did was waste my time.
I thought,
Was never a Truthful answer to a question,
It was a lie created to protect us from ourselves,
But all it did was keep us from our Divinity.
Today there is much, too much, shaking in my world. The earthquakes resolve to shake my foundation at its core, create chaos out of order, and test my resolve and discipline in ways that make me question the very existence of either.
Yes, it is a time of discovery. In some respects, I feel ready to become a wanderer, a leather tramp, a searcher. In others, I feel the roots I have established are too strong to break and the reliance on me too great to leave. Today I discovered great strength and weakness, love and loss, humility and great pride. I have cried tears for a friend in his loss, laughed with a friend in her idiosyncrasies, longed for a friend in her absence, and reasoned with a friend in his mistake of judgement. I’ve been pushed away, pulled inward, and left to wonder. I have felt the tremors grow and the skies open up. And I am left to wonder why I give a fuck.
Of course I know why I give a fuck. Caring is the external expression of passion. Yes I care, yes I love, and yes I get pissed. Yes there are times when I can offer a great big hug and smile and times when I just want to beat the living hell out of something. I try to cater to the former but certainly need to deal with the latter. I hate seeing such desperate sadness in others (it takes me to a place I don’t want to go) and I hate feeling unworthy, unwanted and without understanding. I want to help, but sometimes in moments of utter desperation I need some help as well.
True, I feel like a whining pussy losing his mettle. Sometimes I like that whining pussy though. He’s vulnerable. He’s willing to learn. He’s a small boy in a room preparing for yet another in a series of the “beating of your life.” He’s the Yin. He’s been there.
In other moments I like being the brutish man who could knock your head off before you got that silly look off your face or not give two shits if you wanted him or not. He’s defended that boy more times that he can count and helped him survive countless encounters with countless morons who would hurt him. He’s the Yang. He’s been there.
Ordinarily, though, I strive to live in that fine line that separates Yin and Yang. Actually, it doesn’t separate the two, it is where they join. That thin space where Yin and Yang become One, where White and Black become Gray. Yes, that is where I usually can be found, roaming that subtle balance between the Boy and the Man, the Idiot and the Asshole, the Weak and the Strong.
I like incorporating the two. I’ve learned valuable lessons from both through untold experience. No, I am no Born Again Anything. I haven’t found Jesus on a burnt piece of toast telling me how much I am loved. No, I’m not lucky enough to have found an external crutch on which I can lean. Rather, I’ve had to find an internal strength from which to draw on. I can’t lean on a crutch, I have to stand on my own. Jesus doesn’t command me to love, I feel it inside me and I make it a light to share. Nothing is forced with me; what you see is what you get, whether it’s Black, White or Gray.
Today, as I faced down demons and angels, memories and fears. I learned quite a bit. During those moments I simply wanted to crawl into a ball and cry, I stood up and said, “I claim my right to feel humility and grief.” During those moments I wanted to beat the living tar out of some imagined foe, I stood up and said, “I claim my right to be angry and hurt.” Both actions seemed to bring me back to the center, to that place where both are One.
That, in itself, is the great testament to non-resistance. Once you allow miracles can happen. We can overturn the tables on the moneylenders and then turn around and feed those who need us. It’s in our nature to be dialectic, it’s when we resist and judge that we often find our suffering.
So, I’ll go hug my kids and dog and wait for a phone call that may or may not come. Yet, I won’t do one ounce of preparing for later. It will come if it will come. I’ll appreciate this moment and care less about the future. Well, I say all that, but I know somewhere there is that Boy who will be begging for this cup to be passed away and the Man ready to throw it at some tormentor. I know they’re there, and I will hear them. Then I will look for the Gray…
The skies menace and betray their ambivalence,
It’s coming, It’s coming,
There is no Sun, and the storm is on its way
It’s here, It’s here,
If I could only hold your hand.
Eris speaks softly in my mind,
“Take control and dare the rain to stop you,
Do not accept this Storm,
Fight.”
The scars are all that remain
As blood trickles down my cheek.
Metis says,
“Open up your arms and embrace the downpour,
Accept It for what It is,
EnJoy.”
The smile betrays my existence,
As the tears wipe clean my crimson face.
Memories cascade through my mind.
It’s you, It’s you.
I fight through an angry crowd of doubts,
It’s me, It’s me.
And in the end I stand alone,
Weather-beaten and haggard from it all.
Eris says,
“Take hold of this and see it through,
Stand alone and need nothing,”
No one.”
The heated sense of rage fills my body
As my fists clench and my cells accept their fate.
Metis says,
“What is this fear but a fantasy?
Stand together and change the world,
Love.”
The peaceful calm of a million lifetimes
Washes over me like a forgiving summer rain.
I close my eyes to seal my fate,
Into Your arms I fall, into Your heart I seek refuge.
For I Love You despite the brewing storm.
My strength devotes itself to You, my heart beats loudly Your name,
I succumb and let it be,
And alas the Sun peeks through the clouds, I am free.
I find mySelf floating,
Amongst the reeds, hiding in the tall grass.
And I wonder,
Who am I saving mySelf from?
Who am I running from?
And to whom is this current taking me?
I smell the sweet fragrance of Anthurium,
Somewhere in the turmoil I am in,
I hear Her voice calling from beyond,
Begging me forward,
Calling for me from within,
Causing me to search where my feet have seldom tread.
She hands me sweet Honeysuckle,
And binds me the promise I feel now,
I can sense the chains of my mind slowly releasing their grip,
Now floating upward toward the clear blue sky,
I sense the air of promise fill my lungs,
The miracle of Being removes the clouds from my eyes.
I bathe in eternal currents of Hyacinth petals,
Secure in the essence of all I am and all that She demands,
Dear, sweet nothingness cleanses my Mind,
I hear the song of Love fill the silence around me,
And I know I AM,
And I know there is no other place for me.
I have long begun burying the Narcissus,
Working to plant the Rose in the loving embrace of Lavender,
Begone! those weeds that have so polluted my Garden,
Now is the time of great change,
Of amazing transformation; where once stood fear and disharmony
Now stands a monument to great Beauty.
Beauty for which the eyes are not needed to see.
Beauty for which no mountains need be climbed,
Or raging rivers crossed to be behold.
One simply need sit, inhale, and believe.
The Flowers will do the rest, the slight breezes will take you away,
And you will join me among the clouds basking in the warm glow ahead.
Take my hand my sweet Angel, for you have given me wings,
Take my eyes if you will, take my ears if you must,
But leave me this fragrance where I sit,
Through rain and storms sit here I will,
Enduring all I must in order to simply bear witness to this Garden,
And to Love in this Dance we call life.
To learn more about the meaning of flowers, visit this site: