Author: Tom (Page 56 of 71)

Tom is a stroke survivor, a seeker, a meditator, a veteran firefighter and rescue tech, a motivational speaker, a poet, and a blogger (new site) & author. He is also the father of three and as their student and teacher, has found applying spiritual practices to all aspects of life provides a vast amount of possibility and abundance. Tom has discovered that true forgiveness is the key to a pure heart, and a pure heart can lead us to wondrous experiences.

You can also connect with tom on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Tomgwriter55/".

Realize it.

March 1, 2014 / Tom

What is this moment of distraction that has me falling into the soft, white whispers of my mind? What has pulled me out there again? What has created this attention back into insanity?

I can feel them whisper, and I want to change the song. Why?

Flashback to the boy so wanting the acceptance and respect of others. Stop the torment, stop the pain. I give you authority over me, and with it my own sense of responsibility. I allow you to own me, and I become your lap dog.

“How can I serve you Master,” I hear myself asking them. And they answer.

Back to reality. I am here, now, not there, then. I close my eyes and breathe. I am a tree, and I feel my roots heading down into the Earth. I feel Her embrace me, and I feel renewed strength in my limbs, in my core. The fog lifts and I see my Self, again, and I smile.

The green-hued light that surrounds me allows the world to come alive within me. I am reminded of my power, my strength, and I see my path illuminated anew. I feel love surround me, gripping me like it was my own skin, my own flesh, and I know I have returned.

“I love you all.”

Love was always there, allowing me to see what I needed to see. I am the masterpiece I have always wanted to be.

Realize. It. Now.

Peace.

What I Want With You

February 27, 2014 / Tom

I want to wake and feel you next to me. Feel you stir as my lips meet your shoulder, hear you moan in anticipation of the sunrise. I want to feel your warmth beyond the cold section of the sheets that separates us, and leave you unable to tell the difference between the reality of that moment and the dream that you were having.

I want to hold you, and then let you go. I want to see you run to me with that smile betraying your inner thoughts, and then feel your arms take me in before your lips devour mine. I want to feel you melt into me, and inhale your breath before sharing my own, knowing that each and every step we had ever taken led us to that very moment.

I want to hear about your day and laugh at your jokes before feeling your head collapse upon my shoulder. I want to know about your life, visit those places you rarely leave exposed, and share those parts of me that only you will know. I want to feel the rush of ecstasy as you spill your mind all over me. I want to bathe in the fragrance of your thoughts and then rise up, cleaned, to stare in awe at the woman you’ve become.

I want to walk with you into the places we both fear, sharing a torch of fearless love we both hold to light our way. I want to share a tremble when the frightening sides our lives venture out from the caves we have put them in, and then stand, fearless and undaunted, in the resolve to say, “You are not alone in this.”

I want to ride to your rescue, not because you need me to, but because you don’t. I want to offer you my hand in the firm promise that I am here, without expectation that you will take it. I want to tear apart the fearful binds that tie us to a place we do not wish to be. I will not offer you a pedestal on which to stand, for they are a prison of the harshest sort. Instead, I offer you the fields you wish to roam and the silence you wish to have in order to hear the music you want to dance to. I will not be the bars that hold you, but rather the wind that sets you free.

I want to hear the soft moan that involuntarily escapes your heart when the tips of my fingers find their way. I want to hear the song you hum when you are not paying attention, and see the skip in your step when you are lost in a moment of joy. I want to absorb the way your smile turns into that look you get when I hit the right spots, and remind you time and time again that pleasure is simply not an option, but rather a way of living. I want to wash your body in the soft summer rains, and warm you when the winter chill sets in. I want to walk with you to see the first flower of spring, and then play in the lovingly discarded leaves of time when the autumn breeze blows.

I want to admire you when you sleep, and be admired by you when the call of desire wakes you from your slumber. I want to stretch with you and salute the sun. I want to sit still with you, knowing you are there as surely as the limbs I cannot see. I want to open the pearly gates of heaven we find when the two of us melt into one holy puddle of loving ecstasy in the spaces that we share. I want to know joy with you, and find a wisdom in all these things I want with you, yet have not yet discovered in my living’s path.

I know I have not asked for much. All of these words are nothing more than a brief flicker of a candle’s flame, a short glimpse of time created for such a purpose. Like a mountain stream created from the melting winter’s snow there is no work to be done. It simply is, and as love flows from the highest peaks down to the lowest valleys, we find it all so easy, so worthwhile, and so utterly necessary. That is what I want with you, and that is what we will find.

I Had It All Wrong (But I Can Always Change My Mind)

February 26, 2014 / Tom

When I first saw this picture, I believed it was a portrayal of man and God trying to connect, of man and God reaching for one another. Beyond my normal sense of humor that suggested man was trying to get some of God’s harem, or that it looked like some women were trying to push the male vestige of God out of their space, etc., I was always taught, and readily agreed, that it portrayed the very basic need of man to connect with the Divine. Usually that meant believing in the Christian creation of God.

And thus, the need itself was created.

Today I look at it differently even if I do have the same sense of humor. I see not a grasping and reaching, but a letting go.

I see man letting go of his ideas, or what he perceives are his needs. I see him settling down in peace upon his space, quietly releasing the attachment and, in the process, freeing his mind. I see man forgetting his shame, his fear, as the remembrance of who he is becomes the light of the world.

Random thought: Right now I struggle…do I continue with my thoughts or cater to my own need to be immersed in my own idea of acceptance? Yes, that immersion is a prison of sorts, and I wish to be free. So, onward I will go.

Religions, in my experience, often create “graspers” out of all of us. We become so busy searching for love, peace, compassion, and guidance out there that we forget we have all we need in here. In that search, we grasp a hold of those things we believe we don’t have, without ever realizing that we have created both the thing and the need. None of it exists beyond our own mind and our own conditioning.

Spirituality, at least for me, is the practice of letting go. It is the practice of releasing, of setting free, and of non-attachment. It is the absence of conditions, and the freedom of experience. It’s a major departure from the Catholic school upbringing that was thrust upon me, and it is a major advancement in my own life. By releasing what needs to be released, I am neither burdened into suffering, nor burdened by the suffering of others who have yet to learn their lesson.

“Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” ~Pema Chodron

Often, letting go is much harder than grasping. At least when we grasp we are fed some feeling of security. Letting go isn’t so easy until it hurts too much to hold on, and the fear of our own power is lessened by the suffering that fear has created. There, in the release, transformation takes place, and we learn lessons of who we are in the moments and times when we are finally ready to listen. Until those moments, we will continue to suffer because we are creating the conditions that makes suffering thrive.

Grasping is an act of fear. Releasing takes courage, at least until you learn that you have nothing to fear. Then releasing becomes a way of life. You grasp at nothing, you reach for nothing and, in return, you embrace everything. When you release you create space in your own existence for the things that bring a smile to your lips and bumps to your skin. When you release you till the soil of your life for whatever flowers you wish to sow, and you allow it all to be as you see things through fearless eyes.

Another thing about this picture. Perhaps I have always missed the fact that God may not be the bearded man at all, but the wonderful ladies behind him. Maybe the Divine is much more feminine than I was taught, and that feminine Divinity is what we mortal men are reaching for. Hidden, somewhere, beneath all of this muscle and hair and physical strength is a feminine divinity just begging to be heard.

Guys, if you want to see how brave you are, allow your feminine side to rise above the teachings of your ancestors. If your sense of courage isn’t challenged then, well, you aren’t doing it right. Or you had awesome ancestors. 🙂

What You Do To Me (A Meandering Poem)

February 25, 2014 / Tom

You don’t know what you do to me…

In the moments I see you smile

In the times I imagine your laughter

Your kiss…your touch

You don’t know what you do

To me…

You don’t know what you do to me…

In the times I follow the lines on your skin

To the places you want me to go

Within, beyond those places anyone has ever gone before

I bathe in the colors, the art that reflects your soul, and…

You don’t know what you do to me…

When I hear you growl in candlelit room we will share

To know you have come to this place to find me

To blossom in the spring, to whither in the fall

I will share it all with you, and…

You will know what you do to me…

In the impassioned feast of two hungry hearts

We dine, we drink, we dance, and we dive in for more

Pulling out the id from our own insanity

Creating the dream from our own reality

Forever in the orange-hued twilight we roam

We are like no other ever born

Warriors in the quest…lovers in the chain-less servitude we choose

We follow something into the tree-lined fields in which we play

Something…everything…yet nothing at all.

Feel me, for the roots I have sent into our soil

Touch you…tickle your feet and play with your senses

No fear…well, perhaps a little

As you fly up to my highest branches

When I caress you with my tender limbs.

Can you see what you do to me?

I’m left meandering through the forests of my mind

Where the stars twinkle in dimly lit reminders of yesterday

Where the emptiness gives them room to be

I drift to where your gravity guides me…free.

I Love You (A Poem)

February 24, 2014 / Tom

“I love you”

I heard the words spill out from my lips

I could not catch them

And put them back

I could just feel them through the ether

Heading toward you.

“I love you”

Such truth I was not ready to divulge

Such promise I was not ready to reveal

My heart just bled the words

And spilled them out all over you

To what truth will you embrace?

“I love you”

The hot sand beneath my weary feet

Blistering, burning, with little respite

I thirst, I bleed, I cannot seem but to need

The comfort of your skin

And the solace of your voice singing to my soul.

“I love you”

The story yet untold, unkempt in the House of Eden

Heading like a missile toward your tender heart

There is no return, I’ve spilled the truth

And now I wait, and now I wait

For the explosion to be heard.

What is “Being Spiritual?”

February 24, 2014 / Tom

I recently had a conversation with someone who noticed my “OM” pendant (it’s a cool stone on a rope with the “OM” symbol etched in it. She asked, “What does that mean?”

I generally don’t like to get too technical. If someone doesn’t know what the OM symbol is, I’ll just say “It’s a sound I sometimes use to bring me peace when I meditate.”

“Meditate? What is that?”

I’ll admit, it’s been a lifetime since I’ve been asked that question. This was quickly becoming a conversation that both reminded me of my roots and some of the many lessons that brought me here.

“I sit in stillness, observing my inner universe while letting go of it all. Sometimes I used visualizations and mantras, others I just sit and watch,” I replied as simplistically as I could.

“Watch what? Like ghosts? Do you see ghosts?”

My inner mind sighed a heavy sigh.

“No, I don’t believe in ghosts. I’ve never seen one, and I value my experience. If I run into one then I’ll change my mind, until then I only believe in the living.”

“Then can you see the future? Are you a psychic?”

“No. I can’t see the future, I’m too busy seeing the present.”

“So, then, what religion are you? Catholic?”

I chuckled a bit at the Catholic reference. If she only knew.

“None of them. I guess you can say I’m “spiritual” but have no need for religions.

“Hhhhmmmmm. So then what does this “being spiritual” mean if it’s not a religion?”

There it was! Finally!! The entire place this conversation was leading.

What is “being spiritual” anyway?

For me, it is going to church without ever leaving the space I am in. It’s reading a sacred text not written in words, but in the sweet sounds and silence of my experience. It’s not about reading words written on fibers of paper, but about studying the word written on each and every fiber of my existence. It’s about watching, participating, and loving every minute of the ride.

It’s about honoring my agreement to be happy, and to allow others to be happy. It’s about uncovering who I am through the layers of “me” offered by others from my birth. It’s about being strong enough to be weak, devoted enough to be undisciplined, and faithful enough to believe in nothing.

It’s about pealing away each splinter of wood in that basket covering my light, until there is little left of its frame.

It’s about not caring what others think, not because I have judged them as “wrong” or “bad”, but because I realize most of them are still living in the story others have created for them and I, simply, wish to create my own story of me. Living for them is an old habit I seek to break.

It’s about recognizing not only the stillness in the noise, but the noise in the stillness. I know each from their opposite.

It’s about loving myself, truly and with great depth. From that ocean rises the rains of love that I can pour over others.

It’s about understanding that fear is a liar, a crafty bastard designed by me to test my place and to give me reason to hold on tighter than what serves me. Fear helps me test the handhold before I place my weight on it, and is a valuable tool if used correctly.

It’s about my walks in the woods as being the only church I will ever need. It’s about finding a church in every space I happen to be. It’s about giving up religious faith and replacing it with experience. It’s about giving a fuck what happens to my space, my planet and my universe. It’s about the expression of love within me not found in any form of legal tender whatsoever, but in a new form of currency that can’t be overspent, can’t be saved, and can’t create greed. Love.

It’s about being impeccable with my word because my truth is so freaking beautiful.

It’s about not taking what others say or do personally. It’s about freedom from their concepts, and allowing them freedom from my own. It’s about being responsible for myself, and taking ownership of me. It’s about never taking responsibility or ownership of another person, their emotions or their way of life.

It’s about not making assumptions and finding the courage to ask the questions I need answered. It’s about being clear, and not trying to live up (or down) to what others may assume. It’s about liberation from the lie that I know everything, and that I am always right.

It’s about always doing my best. It’s about living in a way that promotes disciplines that contribute to my happiness, to my pure joy. It’s about staying true to my truth, and promote a peaceful existence within me that spreads to wherever my light may shine.

It’s about forgiveness. Not so much of others, but of myself. I must forgive myself for taking ownership of the actions of others. I must forgive myself for not always being impeccable with my word. I must forgive myself for making assumptions, and for not recognizing the stories that others tell are their stories, and only matter to me if I allow them to. I must forgive myself for being fearful, for not being strong enough to express my pure, loving self to the world around me. I must forgive myself for not always trying my best, and for sometimes not taking full responsibility for myself. I must forgive myself for those moments when I did not love myself, when I found myself to be so unworthy of love that I pretended to be someone other than who I am. I am forgiven.

When I’ve done this, when I’ve forgiven myself and taken full responsibility, I have forgiven everyone I will ever need forgive. There is no need to forgive others, for any wrong I have ever perceived done to me I have done to myself. This practice has caused me to love everyone, including those I once felt wronged me. And it has allowed me to trust again.

Needless to say I didn’t state this entire description to answer my friend’s question. I simply said, “I’ll explain it sometime. Let’s just say I try to love everyone, especially myself.”

After all, that’s quite a lot for some to chew on.

What is Surrender?

February 22, 2014 / Tom

Surrender is, simply, an act of love, the description of which is determined by our current states of mind.

I could end it with that, and be done with the discussion. Yet, I’ll surrender to the need to expand on it, and to share some personal experiences and insight. There is an act of surrender in everything we do, and we can see it simply by shifting our focus.

We aren’t taught the art of surrender in our society. We are taught that surrender is an act of weakness reserved for losers. We are taught that quitters surrender, and then we make an agreement to agree with the various negative descriptions of surrender we are given. In essence, we surrender our experience to the egoic definition of strength, weakness, winning and losing.

I used to see surrender as an act of fear, and the refusal to surrender as an act of “heart” or courage. Yet, I’ve discovered that even what we view as a refusal to surrender is, in fact, a surrender. I make dozens, if not hundreds, of choices to surrender each and every day. Perhaps I choose to surrender to old behavior patterns. Maybe I choose to surrender to new perspectives. Maybe I’ve decided to fall into old ruts, or perhaps I’ve decided to make new footprints. Either way I am offering myself to the choice, I am surrendering to the experience of either renewing old agreements or creating new ones.

There are instances when events that seem out of our control become difficult to surrender to. A job loss, a relationship that ends, an illness, or any event that seems beyond our control can set us off on a tangent of suffering simply by our seeming refusal to surrender to the event. Our refusal to surrender doesn’t mean we haven’t surrendered, it simply means we refuse to see that we’ve surrendered. We have, by either surrendering to the refusal or by surrendering to the event.

You can’t refuse to surrender, you can only recognize your choices on what you surrender to. Those choices will reflect your current states of mind, and you can begin to see (become aware) of where you are simply by observing what choices you have made.

Do I curse the company that I used to work for or do I embrace the change? The answer will help me discover where my mind is, and to what master I am answering to. Am I attacking my old lover and trying to make them suffer? Again, my answer will show me what master I am serving. Am I afraid of the changes coming or eagerly awaiting their arrival? Yes, you guessed it, the answer will tell me everything I need to know.

We are all given choices to make, and often those agreements became a simple choice between acting in the illusion of fear or acting in the reality of love. While love allows us the illusion of fear, fear does not allow for the reality of love. What we surrender to is our choice, and our experience will directly result from which we agree to have. We are all-powerful creators, and we create our existence within each and every moment. We simply need to surrender to the experience we wish to have.

Peace.

What I Love About You

February 20, 2014 / Tom

What do I love about you?

I could say that I love your smile; how it brightens the room and lifts the fog from the room. How your eyes tell a story of joy as your lips rise to meet them. How the clouds part and the sun rises when your soul shouts the praise of the ecstasy within you.

I could say that I love your body; how you seem to have been cut from a mold of my desire, how you waltz into my heart through my clear, open eyes.

I could say that love your mind; how your thoughts inspire me to greatness, how your wit moves the mountains of stubbornness from my thinking.

I could say that I love your soul; how it led you to me, how it speaks to me in languages I never thought I knew.

There is no distance I would not travel to get to you, nor any time that I would not wait for you. There is always one more breath I would take to hold you, and one more step in my tired legs in which I would carry you. That is what I love about you, what you inspire within me, about me, and around me. I love what you help me see, what I uncover by looking at myself through you, and what goodness I feel simply by hearing your name.

What I love about you is what I love about me, and what I love about me is what I have found in you. And I am grateful.

A Certain Reality

February 17, 2014 / Tom

In a dream you come to me like a soft breeze on my sweaty skin, awakening my soul to the everything of living. Through the pain you are the pleasure, through the moisture-laden hot air you are the breezy comfort that deepens my breath and releases my heart. I don’t want to open my eyes; I am awake in my sleep, conscious in my slumber, and comfortable in the knowing that you are there.

When my eyes finally open no one is there but you have not left me. In the waves of joy that bring bumps to my skin you ride, upward until the wave breaks a smile upon my lips. I sit idle, enjoying the moment, letting it go as another wave crests out within my soul’s horizon. I shall ride this one, and the next, and all that follow until I find myself lying upon your gentle sands, feeling the glow of your gaze upon my naked form, enjoying a dream transformed into a certain reality.

I will be patient. I will patiently await your arrival, and I will patiently prepare for the moment when our eyes meet, our flesh is joined, and our breath mixes in the ether that separates us. I will play in the grains of sand that separate us, and I will swim in the drops of heaven’s tears that connect us unknowingly through the oceans of our lives. I will not sacrifice myself upon any altar until you come, sword in hand, to flay me open upon the very vestibule in which you lay. I will wait for you, even as I walk the path that brings me to you, and I will not waver.

There is a certain reality to the flow of life, and that is that we make it all real. I know my star is out there, in my sky, looking for me as I her, feeling the ebbs and flows within her that thoughts of me provide. I know our paths will converge in some lifetime, at some place. I know it all to be true, and as I dance in the field of this certain reality, I simply wait for you to join me.

Across the Universe (Songs of Inspiration)

February 8, 2014 / Tom

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my open mind
Possessing and caressing me…

The words pour out of me like prayers to her, like some solemn and sacred oaths offered by the footprints in the weathered sand behind me to the smooth, beckoning beach ahead. I turn to watch the morning Sun rise above my ocean horizon, staring in awe at the promise yet to come as the great Artist paints inspiring hues of glory across the morning sky. I slowly, deeply, inhale the crisp morning air and I know, somehow, that she is here with me. Unseen, unheard, but always close by.

I walk along my day, cherishing the little pieces of her I gather along my way. Words flash across my screen as her thoughts roll through my mind’s countryside like a gentle thunder; softly reminding me of the power binding us as we walk together while apart, as one while a universe away. Soon, the sun sets upon her ocean, gifting her with inspiring hues of glory across the evening sky. She pauses, smiles warmly at the thought of me, and sends her love across the Universe.

Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes
They call me on and on across the universe
Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box
They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

I stop, sitting softly upon the sand, staring up at the single star I know, somehow, she sees too. Together, without pause or hesitation, we say the words as a prayer to the heavens and an intention to all that is, “I love you.” Together we smile and caress the empty space besides us with a sure certainty that fills our hearts and souls with the promise of a million more. Though eternal are the grains of sand that separate us, the universe we’ve created within us keeps us close, knowing, wanting, feeling. We make love in our Being, kiss deeply in our hearts, and in our minds speak the words of truth a few worlds ever known.

“I love you.”

Sounds of laughter shades of live are ringing through my open ears
Inciting and inviting me
Limitless undying love which shines around me like a million suns
It calls me on and on, across the universe

Together we laugh, filling a limitless void of emptiness with the joy of a shared thought. I feel the familiar longing in my heart for the simple touch of her hand on my shoulder, of her mouth on mine. I feel the melting into her, the warmth of her body, the feel of her back as I pull her closer into me. I fall back onto my hands, arch my back, and breath the fragrance of her ecstasy all around me. She calls me on and on, and I hear her, across the Universe.

Love cannot truly never measured in distance, or rhyme, or reason. It is measured in the certainty of the wave of delight you feel at the thought of her form, at the sound of her voice, at the mere mention of her name. We count our blessings in the tiny bumps that raise from our skin in the thought of a touch, or a kiss, of an embrace. We issue prayers of knowing, we walk the wisdom of awareness, and we speak the words of truth that lives within and all around us.

To love is to lose yourself and, in the process, find yourself all over again. Like a subtle prayer that springs life eternal from a cold spring, love warms us to the task of living, to the study of our most divine selves. I love, and I love you, even if across the Universe.