Author: Tom (Page 35 of 71)

Like a crazy summer storm, she came to me. There were no signs. There was no warning. Yet, in a sudden flash the flood had come and I was left a beautiful mess laid strewn upon the sands. I was struck dumbfounded by an invisible bolt of light, as indescribable wave after indescribable wave washed upon the shore. Here I was on the shoreline, clearly bathing in a wonderful Sea of Love.

Life happens for me like that. I’ll be walking along in a mixture of minding-my-own-business and exploring-the-flowers-all-around-me when it comes; a rare and very special moment. The dream seems real and the air seems fresh, and every word I feel becomes written in the tiny bumps that form along my skin. Then, I become a new mixture of contrasts; a man completely aware of the pure consciousness within him suddenly becoming an excited soul jumping about like a schoolboy on Christmas morning.

Ordinarily, I enjoy the fragrance of life, and the magical mixture of color that I see surrounding my space. I prefer never to pick the flowers around me, choosing to let them be to explore their own destiny, in their own way. No flower can grow if I’ve plucked it from its rooted place, and the world is a bit less beautiful when we discard flowers left dead from our embrace.

When that rarest of moments comes, the colors around me change, and the fragrances raise my senses. Light breezes are replaced by not-so-subtle winds as a light mist forms. In this moment, in this time, everything that has happened until now makes sense, and every sound around me becomes a song hummed in paradise. I stand there in stillness, toes playing in the soft sand, waiting for her to catch up to me. Wait I will, lest I kill this beautiful flower and destroy this wonderful gift.

That it is. Sometimes we are reminded of the beauty around us by adding to it. I’ve made my life beautiful by cutting down the rotted trees and weeding out the despot weeds that choke off my existence. In the process, a vast sea of love has been exposed. It is there I wait, patiently looking for her.

She arrives. She’s tricky that way. Nonchalantly she’ll saunter up to greet me, calmly making herself known to the raging wilds within. She can’t possibly see those things that result from her arrival;  the flowers exploding open, the mist steadily drenching my soul, my heart racing within me, my dreams all condensing into one, beautiful form. I take her hand calmly, even as the rush of fire within me sets my world ablaze. I kiss her gently as I struggle to catch my breath. I can feel each wave from the Sea of Love smashing against the jagged rocks I’ve formed with me. This must be heaven.

I know she’s there with me. I can feel it in her touch, taste it in her kiss, and sense it in her every word now filling my needy cup. I whisper not so quietly, Let’s go for a swim, my love. Let’s jump in and see where the current takes us. Let’s surrender to the Sea, for though it is deep and wide, we shall not drown in Her embrace.

A glance. A smirk. Yeah, she knows exactly what I’m saying.

What if I love you?

Not in that possessive way men do, but truly, honestly, loved you? What if I wanted to see you prosper in whatever form prosperity took for you? What if I wanted to see your smile, to wipe your tears, to answer your call?

What if you loved me?

Not in that crazy way that women do, but sincerely, truthfully, completely? What if you held my hand for the hell of it? What if you snuggled next to me just because? What if you needed to kiss me as much as I needed to kiss you?

I wonder…what if each and every scar we’ve collected along the way were nothing more than guideposts? What if we looked within our souls and found that your arrows point me, and mine at you? What if, together, our arrows pointed toward a destiny that had always been forsaken until now? What if we have finally found our home?

I am but a dreamer, a solitary force in an overcrowded world. Yet through the clouds and the mist and the multitudes I see but one smile, hear but one voice, and taste but one kiss. What if I gave up each and every desire save the one that speaks your name? What if I knelt upon the ground we shared, looked up at you, and swore an oath only spoken as my lips meet your flesh?

Tell me, sweet dream, what would you do? Tell me, would you crumble to the ground as I tasted your sweet nectar? Would you fall upon me as I entered your paradise? Would you give your all to me in honor of the all I give to you?

Such beauty in these thoughts, in this vision, in this reality. I hear the songbirds differently today. The air, sweetly perfumed with my own clarity, refreshes me. The broken clouds above are giving way to a new moment in time, a new sunlight, and wonderful bead of rain. All I’m left to wonder is, if this dream becomes reality, am I ready?

So many what ifs. So many hopes and dreams race across my mind that I could count the stars with them. Upon that appointed time and place I will settle in, close my eyes, await your arrival and hope that when I awaken, you will still be there.

Until then, I will cast this shadow across the heavens, and wait for you.

I close my eyes, your image planted firmly in my mind. I see your smile, the glow in your eyes, and the way beautiful lines form on your face telling stories of the countless smiles before.

Like a soft feather you’ve arrived, and like a light whisper I hear the voices of hope tell stories of their own. I’ve learned to not try control them when they come, and though rare they are, I’ve also learned to appreciate their chorus.

It’s like a million lifetimes come back to me in a flash. Through the stilled silence I sit, remembering your hand in mine, your head nestled firmly on my shoulder. I hear your voice echo subtle cries of passion I can only surmise are from moments past, or moments passed, or moments to be relived.

There is peace as the smell of burning sandalwood wafts around me. Tales of wonder balance tales of mischief here. Through the stillness the ripples of something carry me forward, as the light winds of indescribable truth delightfully fill my sails. I can hear and feel the words spoken all around me, and though I grasp at none I can feel the smile cross my lips. I can feel the power of the green fire burning brightly in my chest, as my heart issues a solemn vow to the ether now tickling all my senses.

“I’m here. I hear you. I am waiting.”

No truth can be more clear than this moment’s sacred oath. In that, it promises me nothing, but gives me all I need; a golden chalice never empty – always full – providing me nectar when I thirst, and air when I need to breathe. To be true to you means to first be true to me, and to be true to me I must always honor how I feel.

I feel nothing more needs be done, yet I cannot stop the preparation. A heart made pure through Hell’s own fire, a mind sharpened by the stones of discontent, I rise to meet you; a warrior equal to my task, a sweet soul whose fruit I am to cherish. Here are my shoulders for you to lean, my hand for you to hold, and my heart for you to cradle in your own.

My children recently received a letter from Ginger, our Elf on a Shelf. It read:

“Dear Michael and Gianna,

It has been my pleasure to be with you these many years. I’ve been able to see you grow, watch your challenges and your joys, and I couldn’t be happier that Santa sent me to you.

I wanted to let you know that my mission has now changed. You both are such wonderful Beings, and you are beautiful people with so much love in you that it is time that you see me as I truly am. I am not Santa’s “spy”. He never sent me to report back to him on what you were doing wrong. Instead, he sent me to report to him on what you were doing RIGHT, and that list has grown larger than I can keep. You both have made the world a much better place.

For now on, during the Holiday Season, I have been tasked to be a reminder to you both. A reminder of all the good you can bring into the world. A reminder of the Spirit of Giving, and the power of offering a helping hand whenever you can. A reminder of the power of a hug, of a kind word, of a loving smile.

The truest gifts are not the things that we get, but the things that we give. Powerful gifts are not expensive, in fact they do not cost a thing. You both know what I am talking about, I’ve watched you give gifts of love and truth for years.

I may appear throughout the year if it feels as if you need a reminder. Remember that I love you, and that the Spirit of Christmas is about love, and about sharing that love with everyone you meet. It is about, seeing how powerful you are when you simply allow the love within you to show itself. When you see me appear, remember those things, and simply say to yourself,

“I love you.”

Everything will change when you believe those words. Say “I love you” to yourself over an over again until that smile appears on your face. It will, I promise.

Have a wonderful Holiday. Peace.

Ginger, your faithful friend.”

Suddenly, I think of her.

Yes…you know her too. She’s captured your imagination and set fire to your senses. She’s waved pixie dust in your eyes and poured you a glass of the sweetest nectar you have ever tasted.

There are those moments when she captures my attention even when she’s absent from view. I can picture her in my mind smiling that smile, wilting away the darkness of the day. I can imagine her writing in that little book of hers as I dream of her dreams, share in her aspirations, and wish nothing but the best for us both.

I know very little about her. but I know so much about me with her. I’ve relished in the bits of her that she shares, but I realize that in bathing in the droplets of water spraying from the shoreline rocks, that I have not experienced the sea. There is a vastness to her; and I want to swim there.  There’s so much depth, and I want to dive into her. There so much beauty, and I want to walk along her shores.

Those little bits of her…like bars scattered about from a fractured song…can ignite my wick into a flame. I need very little from her, but I want so much. She owes me nothing, but gives me so much.  She has set me free, and I love her whole in each little bit that I see.

There are no steel bars that hold us, no shackles that tie us to each other. Instead, we’ve accepted the wind on our backs, and the Sun in our eyes, as we fly straight into heaven. Our hands may hold one another’s, our arms may be locked in an embrace, but we are always free, together. Our hearts beat strongly each other’s name, but in love we are free, and in love we belong to the Universe.

Thus, the first note has been struck in a new symphony, the first wave has broken upon new shores. Out of nothing, everything was born, and out of loss came the greatest love I will ever know.  There is no mystery in the wound. It’s simply a passage into unlimited greatness.

That’s what I’ve found in those little bits of her. Those little bits that have made me whole, those little bits that have lit the torches along my path. Those little bits that create the song I whistle as I walk. Those little bits that leave me weak in my explosive moments of ecstasy.

She knows them, and as she caresses me back to life those little bits of her open my eyes and bring me closer to where I want to be. She accepts me as I am, and takes little bits of me into her hands. Rather than capture them in a jar, she nurtures them and blows them back into the ether, setting free all but those parts of me that have become parts of her.

She loves me, but never needs say it. I can feel it with every thought I have, with every touch we share, with every drop of sweat we offer to one another. Somehow, not-so-little bits of her have become part of me, too. I love her, and she knows it even if the words have never been spoken.

There is greatness in the spoken word, but greater power in the words that never need be spoken. The silence and the notes make the song. The light and the darkness make the day. Somehow, those little bits of her and those little bits of me have mixed to make a wonderful masterpiece. Somehow a simple seed as fallen onto fertile ground, and now we have a forest to explore. Somehow, a single drop of rain gave birth to a vast ocean. and here we are so ready to take a swim.

A beautiful moment indeed. The birth of a brand new Universe. The birth of eternity.