The Orb
There was a familiar tug on my arm as I stood, stuck in awe. You were standing under the willow tree near where I live, holding a bouquet of yellow, burnt-orange and purple flowers. You were, as always, radiantly beautiful, in a blue dress that hugs your form, smiling in the way you do, your eyes lighting up my entire universe.
I am led to you by an unseen force, tugging at my arm and taking me gently to where you stand. I could feel the grass beneath my feet and it feels warm, as if the Sun had taken her time sharing gifts with the ground beneath me. When I arrived next to you, you looked into my eyes like you did when we first met. I could remember the warmth that I had once only imagined become real, and suddenly everything around me became real as I knew nothing would ever be the same again. I was reliving that moment again.
“Don’t be nervous,” you whispered, just as you had back then.
“Are you sure you are ready?” I asked, almost as afraid of the question as I was the answer.
You laughed, and then put your hand on my chest. “I’m here, aren’t I?”
“Yes, you are.”
It seemed in that moment as if the blossoms from a million cherry trees suddenly rained from heaven. I watched as the pinkish flowers landed in your hair like snowflakes, dotting your blue dress and adding beautiful to a moment that was already exceedingly beautiful.
I could feel every fear I’d ever felt, every apprehension, every doubt, every insecurity welling up inside of me. You must have felt it too, because you closed your eyes and bowed your head, pressing your hand harder into my chest. I could feel my knees weakening, but it was as if your hand was holding me up. Breath was hard to come by in that moment, but I stood there waiting for it to return as I knew it would. My heart seemed as if it could not beat any faster.
I let out a loud sigh, one that seemed to echo all around us. A breeze blew through the willow tree, and took some of the blossoms with it. I felt a calm come over me, and in that moment you looked up at me with a smile. You removed your hand, and in it was a greenish-white orb.
“You can now say goodbye to this story,” said a voice from the unseen. “This orb contains all of what your mind has taken and converted to fear. Each and every belief created by events outside of your understanding is there. Each and every story of your demise rests nicely in that ball. Now, do with it as you choose.”
I quickly took it from you.
“This is not yours to carry,” I said. “Thank you for holding it for the time you have. This is my burden, I am sorry if I have shared it with you for too long.”
You bowed your head and took my free hand in your own. You gently kissed it and then hugged it to your face.
“My love, give me a moment,” I said. “I will be right back. Promise you won’t go anywhere.”
You laughed again, and I was reminded how much I love the way your lips look when you are smiling.
“I’ll be here.”
I took a short walk as the breeze picked up. The space around me was filled with cherry blossoms and the sound of wind rushing through the trees. I looked at the orb.
“You’ve been a part of me for so long. I’m not sure if I will miss you, but to be honest I feel a little sad to let you go. It feels like I am losing a piece of me, or even a crutch I’ve used along this journey. I never believed I’d be afraid to let go of my story, of my fears, but here I am trembling at the thought.”
My heart wanted desperately to return to you, to take your hand, and write our own unique story. I knew I could not do that holding on to this orb. What it held was filling up too many pages of our book, leaving very little room for us to write a story of our own.
“Goodbye,” I said as I let the orb go. It was half a prayer and half a statement of intention.
At the moment I let go of the orb, I felt free. I felt weightless. I felt renewed, strong, and certain of my direction. I could see you in the distance, and knew that was where I was always meant to be. It was there I would return. I walked back to your side.
“I’m back, my love. I have given to the ether what I no longer could hold. I’ve made space for you, for us, in the book of our life. I want so much to begin to tell this story, to put our hand to pen to write without fear, without hesitation, and without blurring it with words from my past. I give my life to this story, the one that began in my knowing you existed and one that cannot end in this eternity.”
You looked directly into my eyes.
“I love you, my beautiful man. I need to take a walk of my own. There is more room for us I need to make.”
I looked down and saw an orb of your own held tightly in your hand. Tears welled up in my eyes as I kissed your free hand, knowing what you were about to do.
“I will be here when you return, my beautiful woman. Do what you must. I love you with all of my heart.”
“I love you too. I will be back, I promise.”
You turned and began your walk. My eyes followed you as far as they could, but soon you were enveloped in a sea of cherry blossoms. I sat on the bench, uttered a prayer for your safety, and sent my love to walk with you.
“I will tell you what I told her,” said the unseen. “Of all the healers you have sought, of all the love you have desired, of all the truth you have asked for she is the greatest of them all. It isn’t that she healed you. She led you to only one who could heal you. It isn’t just that she loves you. She led you to the greatest lover you would ever know. It isn’t just that she is the truth. She led you to the greatest truth a heart can find. And you led her to her own salvation. When you find those things within you, you will find them in her touch, in the breeze of Spring, in the glow of a full moon. There will be nowhere they do not exist. That will be the story you both will write in this book that we have given you. The book in which you have cleared the pages for the greatest story of your life.
Now, be patient and be so rewarded.”
A man in love, in real love, will be that patient. Though fidgety at times, I waited. Though uncomfortable, I was as patient as possible. Through the weather and the seasons, I stood steadfastly. It wasn’t the reward I believed I was looking for that gave me such grace. I had already discovered the real reward. It was my love for you, in that great wellspring of truth that flooded my entire life with a new reality. That was the real reward. It was what I learned, what I saw and the expansion of the love that fed that wellspring within me that rewarded and enriched my life with every breath.
Then, a prayer flowed from my heart through the space between us.
“My love, when you release your orb and return to me we will be ready. Pens in hand we will write our names on the first page, and as love flows between us the pages will be filled with prose the Universe provides. Prose we translate. Prose we live to the fullest. Until then, your man awaits your arrival with all he is, and all he will ever be.”
~The end.