There are moments for writers when words escape them. For this writer, those moments are often tied to feelings of disconnect when the soul and mind just need a break from the mundane side of life. When those moments come, I dive into solitude and seek aloneness like it is my long-lost friend. That dive into solitude takes me into the depths of my inner self, and what I find there often shakes me to the core of my being. It’s just the way it is, and has been, for this pilgrim in the pilgrimage of his lifetime.
And thus it’s been. The disconnect from the outer world serves to reconnect me to my inner world. It’s a time when the student and master unite into one voice and I find I am often talking to myself in the abyss, responding to echoes and creating more as I float in between stillness and chaos. Finally, the stillness comes and I venture into it until that moment when I wish to leave it again.
It’s been that way for me the last few days. I’ve written a bit. I’m working on a novel called “Because, Love” as well as a few other projects that fit my mind’s need for abstraction and bend in the creative road I walk. That writing, however, has not come as easily as it usually does, and I’ve had to take the unusual step of forcing myself to create instead of simply translating the flow I can easily tap. It bothers me, to some extent, because I find few things as rewarding as writing and even fewer things as awesome as that connection I have with the creative source. When I am in it, the world looks very different for me.
This morning I awoke early as usual, and my focus instantly went to the empty space where the creative energy usually is. I sighed a bit, and decided I’d just spend a little more time meditating by using up the space I use for writing. In meditation, I felt myself asking for connection to the creative source that I’ve been missing. There seemed nothing in response, just stillness, so I moved on by exploring the connection I feel to my beloved and her family, to those mountains shielding my western flank, to the sea way out east, and to my children. I could feel the mountains kissing my feet, the sea spraying my skin with bliss, the smiles of my children and the touch of my beloved. It’s an overwhelming feeling if I am honest, and sometimes that feeling pushes me deeper into stillness.
Meditation over, I did the fatherly duties that requirement my attention in the weekday mornings and took a look at Facebook to pass some time. A friend had responded to a post with the song Rocky Mountain High by John Denver. I love that song (he knows that), and given the depth of connection I was coming from it resounded incredibly.
I hopped in the shower with a John Denver playlist ready to boom through my speaker. It started with Take Me Home, Country Roads and then went to Annie’s Song.
Having come off an intense meditation filled with loving connection that fed both my mind and my heart, Annie’s Song hit the mark. Soon tears mixed with the droplets of my man-made waterfall. I leaned against the wall with my hand, allowing the warm water to flow down my nakedness as I released whatever it was blocking me from creative flow. I never sobbed, never sighed as it wasn’t that type of release. Instead, my body stood upright as I turned my face into the spray, symbolically washing myself of restraint.
Then, the words just began to flow. They were unstoppable forces of nature that came at me like a flash flood. I immediately felt that oft-present flow of creativity return, reminding me of the omnipresence of love and the deep connection I feel in it. I am a lover, after all, and even though I’ve never sold my sword I don’t brandish it much anymore. I feel so much stronger in love than I do in battle.
The Universe obviously works on a schedule not always in line with mine. The Universe will always conspire to help me achieve my goal, but not always on my time frame or in the way I expect it to. Instead, it comes in its own time in its own way, always having my best interest at heart. I guess the lesson is that if one just gets out of the way and stops trying to speed things up or slow them down, the conspiracy of Universe and heart will provide a long-lasting and enjoyable moment.
Today, for me, the Universe used a friend, my loved ones, and a song to give me what I wanted. It certainly didn’t come in the way I expected, but it did come. It certainly didn’t meet my schedule, but it did arrive. All I had to do was get out of the way.
Peace.