Love is like the Sun. It is always shining.
Want proof? The fact that you can see the clouds on an overcast day proves that the Sun is shining even if you can’t see it. Go out in the darkest part of night and you will see the moon reflecting the Sun’s glory to light your way. Even on a full moon when things are at their darkest you need just be patient enough and the Sun itself will light the horizon.
Love, like the Sun, is always shining. Even in the turmoil of your ego love is lighting the way. When fear and anxiety raise their voices love whispers in the background. When we lose sight of everything we have strived for, love stands patiently by like a gentle guide just wanting to wave you home.
Home, my friends, is but a choice away.
I’ve been blessed. I have people in my life who love me and who I love in return. A chosen few (I say that tongue in cheek), are witness to my infrequent-but-not-impossible weakening. In those moments when I am so challenged, all of the fear and insecurity I’ve accumulated over a lifetime seem to be brought to bear. It’s a lesson in human irony, fear often shoved on us by others that has never served us well suddenly becomes the very weapon we use against ourselves, our happiness, our joy. We defeat ourselves with the very same weapons others used to defeat us, whether that effort was intentional or not.
I’ve spent a lot of my later life healing those wounds through meditation, agreements, and self-love. I’ve overcome all kinds of emotional, mental and physical challenges to reach a place of happiness, joy and security. Recently though, I’ve discovered a place I’ve kept at bay, a place I had chosen not to wander in until one miraculous, continuous, and ongoing moment.
Thus, the challenges began. It was as if I found myself, a traveler with a fear of heights, perched on a narrow ledge high on a mountain with only one way up and one way down. In each direction the ledge only got narrower. Neither direction was suitable because the voices in my head told me that I would fall and my survival was in peril, that I could not trust the ledge, and that there was no way out. As I listened to those voices they only got louder until I felt paralyzed with fear.
In truth, the only threat to survival was me. The ledge was just being a ledge. I was being a human who created threats in my head and then chose to make them real all around me. In hindsight it was a necessary, albeit silly, exercise. The reasons for this exercise are pretty irrelevant, although I can understand them as a way to increase my own awareness, wisdom and self-love. It also gave me an opportunity to further forgive myself and understand the role my past experiences play in my present moment.
No amount of those closest to me asking what happened to the Tom they knew mattered to me. What I see as important is when one of my closest friends said, “It’s beautiful to see. This stoic, stubborn, confident man has been brought to his knees in love. Watching this transformation has been beautiful. I can’t wait to see what you look like when you stand again.”
Even in the throes of emotional upheaval those who love and know you, those who have developed a high level of trust in you, will marvel at your bloody knees and mud-stained face because they can’t wait to see what will result from the fall. They will stand by you, and then they will honor you as your rise and hand you a towel after you’ve washed off in the rain. Those types are few and far between, rarer even than diamonds, so honor them back by always choosing to rise when it is time.
Fortunately I’ve never been one who can stay down for long. Life has built a resilience in me, and I am grateful for it. When it is time for me to stand up, I stand up and it generally doesn’t take me long to do so.
That happens because of that whispering voice that has always remained behind the chorus of fear. It’s always there, and I can always hear it. When I’ve had enough of the ego, of the nonsense…when the lessons presented to me have been taught, that voice becomes my focal point. I can feel it in the shades of emerald-green and blue I see in my meditations. I can feel it in the quakes rattling my mind until, suddenly, it becomes the only voice I can hear.
“ENOUGH! Now stand and fall back in love.”
I often laugh when that happens. When it happened this time, I cried through my own chuckle. That’s what happens when a million pounds of your own shit falls off your back. Not only can you stand, but you can stand quickly. Love once again lights your path, bathes your flesh, and settles your mind to the real task at hand.
That task is to not only return to love, but love in earnest. Take the hand of those around you and be the love you wish to see. Tell the significant other in your life the truth of what they mean to you. Mostly, stop being afraid. Don’t listen to any other voice but love’s whether that voice comes from within or from others. Don’t own the fear others have, just be yourself in a loving and caring way. Mostly, just have that towel ready for them when they finally stand, wash off, and are ready to continue.
For me, the work now is finding that balance between being in love with someone and being the keenly aware being I’ve been sculpted into. I think I’ve got it, and I believe this has been the work I’ve been prepared to do for my entire lifetime. When “the One” comes, we are rarely prepared for what will happen when we’ve waited an entire lifetime for that arrival. So it’s okay to fall as long as you use that time wisely because what results is absolutely beautiful.
Now…on with it.