There are so many things I just cannot understand.
And that is ok. It isn’t my job to understand them. They are “out there” beyond my grasp, and that is where they belong. I have no reason to own them or make them mine. All I am responsible for is right in here.
So, how does that lack of understanding of things out there change things in here? That is, for me, the importance of the experience. The significance of any experience I have is found in the energy it exposes within me, as well as the perspective I’ve chosen in seeing it.
The challenge is neither to change the things I don’t understand to suit me nor is it to actually understand them. All I need do is understand what external things do to the internal me, and either change how I see them or accept the fact that they are not for me.
In the twilight morning hours, The beginning of the day, The stars I used to find my path, Slowly fade away. In their absence a bewildered man, Can curse the reasons why, Or he can honor the star that's left, That lights the daytime sky.
That’s where the beauty of wisdom lies. People, all people, have an unalienable right to be who they wish to be. For me, it’s about focus. Do I continue to focus on those nouns (people, places, things) that expose my own negative reactions, or should I focus more on those nouns that inspire positive adjectives in my soul? Beautiful. Happy. Peaceful. That answer, of course, depends on me.
In my time in the fire service, I met many firefighters. I would say, “we can hate each other and love each other at the same time.” There were many I was diametrically opposed to. Some were racists. Some were misogynists. Some were just assholes (as I am sure I was to them). We may not get along one bit in life, but when the sirens echoed and the bell rang, we loved each other. We’d go into some of the most dangerous conditions inspired by one cause; to help someone who needed us. We could find a common bond even in a vast sea of differences. This experience has taught me that commonality was possible even between completely opposing forces.
In the Yin Yang, there is commonality where they meet. There is a commonality between night and day. The stars that vanish are still there, we simply can’t see them in the illusion that is the blue sky. The Sun still exists even when absent, and shines brightly even in the harshest daytime storm. How do I know? Well, its existence can be proven by the fact that I can see the clouds, the rains, and the effects of the winds as they swirl around me.
As with everything, I have the power of choice in my own experience. That’s how we create the experience, after all. The trueness of the Universe within us allows us the opportunity to create the experience by how we choose to see the experience in both duration and effect. We are truly more than two dates on our tombstone at the end. Even if forgotten, our ripples live on eternally.
Unfortunately, many of us meander through this existence without really knowing who we are, what we truly feel. We aren’t taught to develop the connection with self (Self) necessary to truly trust our instincts, to actually understand how we feel when the myriad of reactions inundate our minds. Our reactions are often nothing more than “the surface of things” and certainly isn’t where the voice of our Self resides. Those reactions are often voices instilled in us by our parents, our caregivers, our neighbors, our friends and our society. In that installation, we often lose sight of our own voice as it gets buried in the muck others heap on us. In the end, there is no tombstone marking the burial of our truest Voice, only the wreckage and debris we leave behind in not hearing it, or trusting it.
Trust. Let go. Let God. Be happy. Fuck it.
Sound advice. It’s not my own, mind you, but it works for me. I meditate to not only hear that voice but give it an outlet to find me when it needs to. I’ve connected so strongly to it that when the opportunity to move to Colorado presented itself, I took it despite having no idea where I would work. I just knew the voice I’ve always heard when here, and the voice that shouted at me “go” when the opportunity arose. I had, I felt, no choice but to trust things would work out. So far, they have.
Equally important to me is the experience I’ve had when only hearing the voice others have given me. I’ve found misery, disaster, suffering, and a usual negative outcome in trying to please a voice not my own. This holds true if I follow both action or attitude, especially when my own Voice tries to speak to me in opposition. I’ve never done well when ignoring my own voice, although I’ve certainly found value in the attempt.
Now, it is time for me to enjoy this wonderful day, and sit in contemplation on the many things I don’t understand. I’ll be ok with not understanding them until I’m not. Then we’ll see.