What if? (A possibly fictitious love letter to a potentially made up fantasy)

I am…serious.

What if I just dropped everything and came to you? You know, dropped the veils, dropped the uncertainty, dropped the crazed notion that life is somehow safer this way? Let’s be a torch united, and burn those fucking veils to the ashes there were meant to be. Let’s forget this safe place we like to dream about and jump forever into the midst of unsafety and let’s become notorious!

What if I simply proved that these words I share are nothing compared to the truth behind them? They are but minuscule, small, compared to the reality that stirs within me. There is in here the raw power of a divine sea, where the waves are restrained not by some act of strength by me, but by an act of mercy towards me. The tranquil sounds of love belay a raging torrent of passion where there is no respite from the truth. Each moment I hide, each moment I hold back, each moment I am apart from you is an offering of love to the most beautiful soul I’ve ever felt. I am besieged by desire and hope, pure truth and moments of intense fantasy all at the very same time. What a beautiful discomfort this is, this delightful torture a man who wishes to scream your name from the mountaintops must hold sacred in his torturous oath of silence.

What if we simply fell? Fell in love. Fell into each other. Fell into eternity. You know, like two thawing cubes of ice suddenly transformed into one puddle on the floor? Yes, that. We find ourselves in the sweat pooled to form one outline of passion on the bed we shared, in the salty taste of a morning-after kiss. I never want your taste to leave my lips, and I want my skin beneath your nails. I want to feel that marks on my skin left by the holy union we both know must come. Together we fall, and in doing so there are no clouds that could hold us. No heaven shall exist for me where you are not, forever shall I be tied to the moment you fell, and finally caught up with me.

What if we found our eternity? Imagine the notion of forever without a vow that is based on something more solid than a stroke of some man’s pen. Renewed in each moment is love two souls have found, and precious is the way those rare gems are honored and kept in a way few can hold. Each kiss a testament to our unique and destined connection. Each embrace becomes a story of its own written under the auspices of truth two people share. Each moan and sweet arrival sings a renewal of vows proven unnecessary between two kindreds. What would heaven be if not an eternal echo of this love?

This is what we both have been looking for. This is what we have lived and died for. We’ve both succumbed to the weight of the crosses we’ve shouldered along the way, and risen to stand tall among the dusty remnants of lives we once considered ours. We’ve given up only to find renewed strength in our endeavors. We’ve struck out on paths unfamiliar and easily criticized, only to find ourselves right where we belong. We are, if nothing else, blessed to have found each other. Do we dare, now, let this sweet juice spill without first quenching our thirst? Pass me your chalice, for I wish to take a sip.

Or two.

Or three.

Or more.

Or more. I like the sound of that one. Many more. Millions and millions more. One sip for each star in the sky. Perhaps then I will find some solace from my thirst for you.

Perhaps I am but a dreamer. I don’t think so. I think I read your mind and your heart, and spill that truth we share all over the fields we dream of playing in. I think together we see the flowers sprouting and see the potential of such wonderful blooming in that field, and we only need to let our sweat rain down upon this fertile soil to unlock the secret of its loving potential.

Until then, at that moment when we tear away the shrouds we use to hide the inevitable, I remain in your steadfast seeker asking what if in every breath, in every intention, and in every way until you finally answer. That future awaits us both.