The Loudest Whisper

I dreamed it was all but a dream.

His voice kept whispering to me in my slumber, his mind kept speaking through my thoughts. To sit so still, to be so utterly there, and I could hardly breathe in my temporal excitement. This guru, this unseen voice in the mist, this invisible hand righting me in my insanity, never wavered. He kept calling me even in moments when I choose to ignore him.

Those who would look at me would think me crazy, those who would sit with me would know my sanity. I, a man once constricted by the stories of his life, so completely wounded by the ravages  of childhood despair, now sat so completely at peace that it unnerved almost everyone around him.

Almost. I was numb but felt it all, I was distraught, but had never felt so sure. There were some who knew the path well.

There are many who talk about love, there are quite a few less who actually knows what it means. I had begun this journey with no real cause, no real purpose identified in the slew of complications I heaped upon my exhausted mind. In the end, or at least in this moment, I sat in peace and harmony, staring into the space between my thoughts.

The whisper, it came again. I heard it clearly. A whisper that shouted louder than anything else around me.

Rise, but stay seated. Walk, but do not stand. See, but keep your eyes closed.

More darkness, more stillness, more gentle stabs at my worried mind. Everything shifted, the space between my thoughts narrowing.

You worry too much about the obvious, you think too much about the outward show. Burning torches do not need to dream about lighting the darkness around them. It just happens, as it should be.

Be humbled and know your truth. Be soft, and know your power. Forgive, and know pure joy.

Shaken, I tried to stand, but my legs simply would not respond. Worried, I tried to open my eyes. They remained closed despite my greatest efforts.

Change the way you see the world. Change the way you feel the world. Change the way you are in the world. Or not. The choice is yours.

Deep in my despair, I tried to stop it. One hand held firmly to the darkness around me, the other reached desperately for the light.

The road has been easy, and you’ve always had something to blame. You’ve considered the eyes that are upon you, but not the truth that is inside of you. You’ve always tried to please the voices out there, but ignored the voice within you. Well, I won’t be ignored again. You will listen to me now, or die.

And then I was torn. Open. I was naked and bloody on the dew-laden ground, like a baby just birthed from the womb. I screamed at the Universe that had spanked me, that had left me there to die.

Or to live…

Yes. Or to live. To fucking live.  To spread my wings and fly instead of blaming the wind for my rather hard landings.

Yet, the truth was there. In a loud whisper. In the scars upon my heart. In the wounds that I was still inflicting upon myself.

Responsibility for self, which leads to self-love, which leads to forgiveness, which leads to acceptance, which leads to an eternal sea of kind, humble and remarkable power. I stood on the shoreline for some time until, finally, I decided to jump in.

Yield a kind sword. It’s not your business who cuts themselves with it, it is your business where you swing it. Unsheathe that blade with soft tenacity, and sharpen it with a stone of your own choosing. 

The Sun does not concern itself with those who think it shines too brightly, or to strongly. It just shines, and allows those who worship it to bask in its glory, and those who fear it to hide in the shadows of the night. Be like the Sun, shine to your own happiness without regard for the lover or detractor. They must find themselves, you must know who you are.

Finally, an answer. I needed nothing to be except…me.

No gods, no demons, no books on which to blame. No punishment other than what I had offered upon myself, no glorification outside of my own brightly lit space. No basket you’ve created could dim my light, and if you tried I’d burn right through it.

It’s your dream, your experience. To worry about how you fit into the dream of others is to live their life, not your own. Weed through the voices, silence those you were gifted by others afraid of themselves, and come to that moment when you hear me, the voice unique to you.

I smile. I stand. I see. And I dance. All without ever leaving the space where I can always find myself. This life, this wonderful, glorious life, the wave that has led me to the shore, and the shore that has led me to the wave, is all about the journey. I need not walk to follow my path, or see to know the Sun, or hear your music to dance in the open fields where I roam.

That is love. And it, is everything.