She Loves Me

I can hear her whisper calling me through her wooded pines, and my own resistance is fading fast.

She asks me for my words, and I offer them as a gift. They become the fingers I use to caress her, the lips I use to kiss her, the arms I open to embrace her. In the union we are One, and in the sweet story of us there is no division, only a connection shared by lovers who cannot deny the presence of the heaven around them.

I inhale her sweet scent, and I wonder what’s taking us so long. The aroma of decaying yesterdays mixed with a potpourri of present and future promise surrounds me in my stillness. Her wonderful perfume begs me onward, raising desire that begs me to make love to the life I live, to offer myself in the sweetest surrender of my earthly vocation.

She is needed in my space, and she wants me in hers. To live a life of simplicity one must become simple, to live a life of love one must become a lover. One cannot wage wars on ideas and expect to find peace, one can not reject the folly of fools and think himself anything but foolish. One must stay true to his own course, focus on his own footfalls, and embrace the gift he is regardless of what the weather brings, and regardless of the condition of the path he has set upon. I’ve decided to hold firm to the place where my feet are set while surrendering to the footfall about to come. I’ve decided to love myself enough to listen to her calling, and to heed the echoes her voice has cast within me.

She wants me higher, and asks me to be up to the challenge of the climb. There is a freedom in the struggle, she says, a liberation in surviving a walk through knee-deep snow and bundling up against the coldest winter’s chill. There is love in the kindling that sacrifices itself to the fires lit to aid my journey, and a telling certainty in the whimsical shelters that I’ve found along the way. There is a truth in the view of the valley below, and a hope revealed in the beckoning summit above. There is a peace in the solitude, a joy in the companionship discovered there, and a love of the life found when you are no longer at the mercy of those who would distract you from your purpose.

You develop a strength in your survival which translates into a dedication to the path you are on. You stand a little taller each day regardless of the challenges you face, and you smile in the Sun despite the coldness in your limbs. You embrace the music the snow makes under your feet and the silence of your respite. You feel a togetherness in the aloneness, and a hint of gratitude in the fatigue, and realize a truth in the dream of living this life to your own desires, your own calling.

She does love me. She always has. She cares for me in a way unique to the understanding that we share. She begs me on to peace, showers me with love in the soft snowflakes falling upon my field, and teaches me so much about myself in the rocky climbs thrown deliberately in my way.

She loves me. She always has. Even as I’ve ignored her in her patience, denied her in her acceptance, and stepped on her in her sweet surrender, she has loved me. Even as I’ve dirtied her shores, and tainted her waters, she’s loved me. I’ve been a poor lover in return, but now as I listen to her whisper, I feel the bits of her within me coming alive.

I am reminded. I am her as she is me. I stare into her eyes and want to kiss her, but I can’t even muster an apology. I feel her wash along my skin and I melt with eager desire. She is my nature, true and plumbed toward a solidarity with uniqueness.

One day, I will sit upon a mountain and love her without the walls that I once created. I will embrace her tightly even as I admire her from a distance. I will spill my heart upon her soil and watch as flowers shoot up from those places that we share. She will know her lover in each kiss, in each dance, in each musical embrace.

Sitting with the churning waters that are now beginning to freeze with the winter’s tide, I am humbled by the patience of her power, and the forgiveness with which I’ve been blessed. I will love her back now, as I make my journey clear and my intentions known. She will guide me with her stars and lead me with her streams. I will feel her kiss with each drink, and be renewed with each breath of life that she provides.

You may not recognize me when this is over. You may not know me any more. Just know that I am in love, and that in love I can no longer pretend. Who you see, is me, a lover forevermore.