In the Morning After

In the distance, I hear a rumble.

I look for you, but you aren’t there. I feel you, but have no idea where you are. I long for you, but will have to wait to be satisfied.

In the morning after the greatest sunset of my life I am wanting more. In the morning after the sweetest darkness I am searching for the light. I am whole but halved, loved but alone, searching yet knowing I have discovered everything. My hand is full but empty, my thirst satisfied even as I sit wanting more. I am certain yet doubtful, strong but weak, absent-minded yet all-knowing. I love you even as I fear the very thought of your existence.

Men are but paper filled with sand. We are easily torn yet hard to the touch, and as I watch the dust swirls mark the spot of your departure a bit of me tears as a bit of me hardens. My heart reaches out for you as my hand stays still, my soul screams as my voices lays silent. A tear forms somewhere but you’ll never see it spill. I want you as I recoil, need you as I need no one, let you go as my mind grasps firmly at the memory.

“You are safe here. You will always be safe here. I can protect you from everything save one keen enemy. That enemy is you.”

In the morning after your warrior stands ready to defend you. I am strong but cannot carry the weight that bears you down. I am ready to shine a light to whatever darkness you wish to expose but you have to choose to expose it. I am ready to be a blade that cuts the string that binds you but you have to hold it tight. There is nothing we can’t do, no river we can’t forge, no universe we can’t cross. Yet I cannot drop the baggage you choose to carry, and I cannot disarm you of the weapon you choose to harm yourself with. I am but a man who has let go, who has found a light, but who stands with you, ready to be a shield, ready to be a light, ready to be who he is in spite of footsteps he hears behind him.

Soon, that rumble within you will exist out there, without you. Soon, you will tire of the fear and the muddy climb to nowhere. You will find your foothold and you will climb, you will find your truth and fear will run from you like a wild horse you have no desire to ride. One day you will find that rumble in the distance, and you will look over at me with a smile. You will know the sweet music of your heart because you have heard the rumble all around you, and you will find ecstasy in the very notion that you are never, ever alone.

In the morning after you will shine, and as you rise from the horizon all will know your beauty. I honor you, your journey, and your vast ocean of possibility by loving you all the same. I honor your night, your twilight, and your breaking dawn. I honor you then, now, and in the morning afters sure to come.

Until we meet again, I remain…